Can someone make this decision for me?

(10 Posts)
MistressofPemberley Sun 02-Dec-12 10:09:00

I did both. Fell pregnant in second year of degree, then moved on to MA, and a professional post grad course. I'm now in my second year of working full time in chosen profession and my dc is 4.5 and at school. I personally found studying and looking after dc rewarding and enjoyable, if not knackering and stressful!

Pipbin Thu 29-Nov-12 23:16:57

To add to the misery. I started just after I turned 36. It's been 18 months and no joy so far.

The problem is that you just don't know. It could take 5 years, it could be 5 months.

Jakeyblueblue Wed 28-Nov-12 13:36:39

There's no reason why you can't be a mummy and have a career at the same time anyway. I'm a Macmillan nurse and embarked on a nurse prescribing qualification just before I got pregnant. We were trying for some time and I thought it wasn't going to happen so I did it anyway.. I couldn't finish it as I delivered the day of the finals so went back and finished after mat leave. Was tough but more than doable. I now work three days and am just ttc no2. All in all I'm so glad I had a career to go back to as it meant I could afford to go back part time rather than having to work full time in a low paid job or scrape by on dh salary.
If I was you I'd do a bit if both. Find out what happens if you fall Preg whilst doing your course. If you can defer then I'd go for it and pick it up after you've had mat leave and in the meantime I'd be TTC. Hedge your bets smile

ILikeRed Wed 28-Nov-12 10:42:38

Thank you all for your ideas and sorry if my "problem" seems petty and insensitive. I hope you get to meet your babies soon.
I still have some thinking to do, and might get some test done, but am pretty certain that ttc is the right thing to do now. Careers can wait.

i started ttc at 27. im 31 next week and still no joy sad

you just never know when its going to happen, or whats going to happen. sorry not being much help here but it sounds like you really want to be a mum... go for it smile

joycep Wed 28-Nov-12 00:12:07

I started trying at 30 and am now 33 and still ttc. So I tell all my friends who are in a position to ttc to just get on with it. Of course none of them have had problems as I am sure you won't. But it sounds like you desperately want to be a mum..and your husband has a good job. Courses can be done any time so if I was you I would go for it now. Best of luck in tour decision!

MuddyWellyNelly Tue 27-Nov-12 13:13:00

In general I'd say you were plenty young enough. But that's probably bitter jealousy on my part. I started TTC at 36 (neither of us particularly ready before then) and we are now having trouble conceiving. I have poor ovarian reserves for my age. What you could do, if you can justify the expense, is have a couple of tests done privately. An AMH blood test and a follicle count will give you a rough idea if you are about right for your age. I say that because I do know a couple of people who have had poor results even aged about 26. General health or even simple age can be misleading. Chances are, you have loads of time, but I wish someone had shaken me at 30 and (as a polar opposite to your experience) told me that all those celebs getting pregnant at 40 did not mean this was a given.

I struggle to not sound like a bitter old woman I know grin. Honestly I think at your age I'd do the course, because kids grow up and there's a good chance you will want extra fulfilment as the years go by. But getting a quick mot might put your mind at rest?

Ellypoo Tue 27-Nov-12 12:53:30

You never know how long it's going to take.

Is there a way that you could study part time and still work? That way it eases the financial burden and you can save for maternity leave, and then possibly continue your studies before going back to work after maternity. Options like home study, open university, evening classes etc - depends on the course you are looking at doing.

Also, if you are able to survive on DHs salary, then if it does happen straight away, you could always go back to your career and training in a few years - you've got loads of time to build your career up again after if that's what you want to do.

Good luck whatever decision you make.

rabbitonthemoon Tue 27-Nov-12 12:07:07

Well, I started ttc at 33 and am just heading up to my 36th birthday with no baby or bfp and a whole load of fertility investigations under my belt. I only met my husband at 31 so can't kick myself too hard for not getting on with it sooner. But I may well be one of those stories you talk about! And it sucks! My advice would be to go for it now. But I am entirely biased.

ILikeRed Tue 27-Nov-12 12:01:12

I'm 27 next year, happily married and we own our own home in a lovely area. We are very lucky in lots of ways and my husband has a very good job, but works very long hours. I would therefore be sole and occassionally only care giver to our children.
Last year I made the decision to change track with my career, moving from a freelance profession and lifestyle to a more conventional, reliable job. I enjoy it, but am currently at the bottom of the pile (so to speak) and I now have the opportunity to return to study for another year in order to progress. I will follow this by working my way up to a decent salary for a year or two before we can start thinking about babies. The entire career change is designed to accomodate us having a family.

This is all fine, however a year of studying will cost about £8,000 and I'll be unable to work for a year, which isn't great.
I'm also desperate to start a family and am pretty certain that once I'm a mummy I won't want to work full time, thus rendering said qualification pretty useless! I'm not entirely certain that it's the best career for me, it's just the best thing for me to do at the moment - but this might all change once I have a child.

Having children is the most important thing to me and the "leaving it too late" stories in the press terrify me - I don't want to leave it if there's no real need to!
Should I just get on with it and work the career out later when I'm more certain about what I want to do? Is it stupid to rely on my husband financially and would I feel anxious as a mum with no real career to go back to, should I need it?
Any help appreciated!

Ooh, should also mention that husband is v. supportive and wants what's best for me. He says he's happy either way.
Thank you!

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