Mumsnet Talk

Hi,
i posted this is Miscarriages but only got 2 responses, don't want to freak out pregnancy section, though i know many on here are also pregnant.
I was browsing through a Zeta West book the other day and saw she advises IVF couples and those with a history of Miscarriages (she didn't specify what history means ) to not have penetrative sex for the first 3 months. Now I've never read anywhere else that sex is bad for a pregnancy- unless there are problems such as cervical weakness. What does everyone think of this? I'm inclined to think its rubbish as I can't see any clinical evidence why it would cause harm. I actually like most of her approaches towards pregnancy and conception so am finding this hard to reconcile. One poster said maybe it was possibly just to stop people thinking of another "if only", i.e "if only we'd not had sex i wouldn't have miscarried". You know the awful blame game afterwards when you are trying to work out why it happened.

Hi i have named changed for this answer!

I don't know what the medical advice currently is, but just to say i think this sort of advice is really unhelpful!

I knew i was PG within a couple of days of conception, and stopped having sex at that point onwards as the thought of it was just weird. So i had no penetrative sex in pregnancy.

I miscarried at 20 weeks.

I don't have to torture myself with the 'if only i hadn't had sex' one, but there are plenty of other 'if only i hadn't.....' ideas that i do torture myself with.

To be honest i wish all these so called experts would just shut up, as if they really knew what they were doing perhaps they could have saved our babies. Otherwise, i think they should shut up rather than offering more and more helpful tips.

I can't imagine how sex would harm a foetus/embryo unless you are a) being a bit too 'vigorous' (ahem!) or b) have cervical/placenta issues. Obviously placenta praevia (spelling??) would kinda rule out sex, but that's not a first trimester issue. I would say do what you feel feels right (and as long as it doesn't hurt/you're not bleeding beforehand) it shouldn't be a problem!!

I'd think that if sex caused a miscarriage, it would mean there was a problem with the foetus and it would be unlikely to make it to term anyway iykwim?

Basically it sounds like codswallop to me but I agree maybe it's for peace of mind.

I also believe it is codswallop. Obviously if you are having bleeding or spotting but still have an ongoing pregnancy, it would be prudent to abstain whilst the bleeding is going on.
Otherwise i really don't see how sex can harm a healthy pregnancy. I have had prior miscarriages and the doctor has never told me not to have sex in the first trimester.

I agree. I can see that sex might seem to 'bring on' the bleeding of a miscarriage when the pregnancy has already failed but the bleeding has not yet started - in the same way that the movements of sex can seem to 'bring on' a period - but I really don't see how it could possibly cause a pregnancy to fail.

And that's not to mention the importance of sex emotionally for you, the partner and the relationship as a whole - even more so I think when you've miscarried before so are likely to be anxious.

Good point kalidasa - when TTC can take the romance out of sex, a pregnancy can allow couples to get that intimacy & relaxed attitude back. I got really horny when pg with my DD but equally I know that other people can feel completely opposite. Do whatever feels natural to you!!

I think a man can feel quite used too if you totally shut up shop as soon as you ovulate! Though obviously if you feel unwell or don't want to that's a different matter.

I am 7 weeks and haven't had sex since I found out I was pregnant. But that is more to do with the fact that I am having daily Prog injections in the bum so am in constant pain!

I also have dark discharge due to a bleed on the cervix (scan has confirmed no bleed in the uterus) and I'm on Clexane (blood thiners) which make it worse. So I don't want to antagonise that. But sex doesn't have to be penetrative to be enjoyable...

I agree with everyone else, do what you feel comfortable with. Everything I have read says penetrative sex is fine and won't do any damage. The Gestational Sac is fixed in there pretty tight. I needed 2 ERPCs to remove one of my MCs so we called it the Barnacle!

I know that St mary's RMC advise no sex in the first trimester for RMC patients, that is 3 MCs usually. I don't know why, maybe it can set of a contraction or something? I know people have sex to kick start labour?

Hi everyone, thanks for the interesting views. I don't for one minute think my miscarriage was caused by sex but obviously like everyone I want to look for reasons and I also want to ensure i do everything right next time. In my case it was a MMC so having sex definitely didn't dislodge the baby! I think unless I'm told in my case it is unwise or if i get bleeding i'll still have sex next time i'm pregnant. But yes non-penetrative sex is also good!

Hi,
I've had a total of 4 mcs, at my booking appointment this week (at 7 weeks), my midwife advised me to abstain from penetrative sex until after the first trimester. Since I found out I was pregnant, both me and DH have been too scared to have sex anyway, as I have a history of bleeding afterwards, and I know that any blood would freak us both out and ruin it for us anyway. But as my MIL (also a midwife) said to me- there's more than one way to skin a cat!

thanks for that moomin , congrats on your pregnancy and fingers crossed for you this time!