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Conception

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Original poster

TTC- DH performance problems, common or not?

29 replies

LauraSmurf · 14/02/2011 23:17

I was just wondering if anyone else's DH is having trouble producing the goods, on an alternate day schedule? We are trying to concieve and so having sex every other day from day 10 to day 20. The first 2 or 3 times he is ok but after that he finds it impossible to ejaculate. Is this normal?

A bit if background to give context. We are married but due to a mixture of no sex before marriage, endometriosis making sex painful until a laser surgery in July removed lots of cysts and adhesions, we have only really had a sex life since august.

My DH also has one undescended testicle. Could this be part of the problem?

I know lots of this is probably a bit graphic, but youare the only ones I can turn too for answers. Help please!!

OP posts:
Bexamundo · 15/02/2011 06:40

Totally normal! He's under a lot of pressure, I can't get Dh to do it that often and we don't have your history. Taking vitamin E seems to put lead in Dh's pencil in our case. I would try dome relaxation techniques. Bear in mind making a baby hinges on him ejaculating hence the pressure. I'm sure others will come up with great ideas but I would try massages etc to get him in the mood but feel more relaxed!

candleshoe · 15/02/2011 07:00

You can take the pressure completely off by using a 'one off the wrist' + kitchen syringe combination. Careful though - I had twins!!!!

PatientGriselda · 15/02/2011 07:16

Candleshoe - how did you do that, if you don't mind the question? How did you broach it with your partner? And did he mind/think you were mad and obsessive?

thumbdabwitch · 15/02/2011 07:24

yes, it is normal - DH has had a few problems in this department but we know that pressure is the root cause of it so both just say "hey, it happens sometimes, no problems, next time it will be fine" and so far it has been.

Still no baby mind, but DH is ok at performing his duty 90% of the time.

candleshoe · 15/02/2011 07:57

TBH I think he was grateful to be let 'off the hook' of having to perform all the time.
He said 'yes' straightaway when I suggested it...after that we resumed our 'normal' sex life which was back to being fun and only when we felt like it and we did a 'syringe job' every morning. No pressure at all - much better for both of us.

BeenBeta · 15/02/2011 08:06

Yes its quite common.

The problem is that he knows that there are only a few days where you can conceive so he knows that if he doesn't ejaculate it is all his fault. The more he thinks about that and the disappointment you wil feel ten the pressure gets worse and th emore e wil be frightened he is going to fail. The more he gets frightened he is going to fail the more likelihod he will have a failure. It feeds on itself. One failure leads to even more pressure next time.

What I suggest is that you tell him that if at any point he begins to even sligtly feel he might fail he is allowed to stop, have a cup of tea a walk round and come back to it later. Just knowing he doesnt have to perform right there and then will take the pressure off.

Try and put a bit of variety into it and also take your time. It doesnt have to be over in 15 minutes.

PatientGriselda · 15/02/2011 08:09

I think I might have to suggest it. I know DP is missing the pleasure of a peaceful wank, what with having to save it all for SWI.

Sorry to ask, but what about spitting and syringing post blow job? Would that work too, or does spit kill semen or anything?

candleshoe · 15/02/2011 09:21

No idea - you may need expert advice here!

Original poster
LauraSmurf · 15/02/2011 13:08

Thank you all so much!!

I have also suggested the wank and syringe combo an he seems to think it's an ok idea. I thought I was being really crazy to suggest it, glad I'm not the only one!!

You have taken a load of my mind!

OP posts:
PatientGriselda · 15/02/2011 13:20

I am going to suggest it this weekend!

SlightlyBabyCrazed · 15/02/2011 14:44

Saliva kills the little swimmers!

PatientGriselda · 15/02/2011 15:08

Right. Hand job it is then.

WantBaby · 15/02/2011 15:26

Hi. Just spotted this thread. Where do you get the syringe from?? My DH is also suffering from performance anxiety

candleshoe · 15/02/2011 16:46

Kitchen shop or chemist

PatientGriselda · 15/02/2011 16:47

I think you can get them on amazon or eBay. I got some free when I bought some pre-seed.

Original poster
LauraSmurf · 15/02/2011 20:13

Thank you all,

I have read some of these to my DH and he feels much better! Thank you all!

We are thinking baster might be the future!!

Was walking down the aisle at Morrisons doing weekly shop, couldn't help but smile at the 'baster set' with special cleaning brush!!

hehehe

OP posts:
candleshoe · 15/02/2011 20:24

Do watch out for those pesky twins though! Wink

Original poster
LauraSmurf · 15/02/2011 20:27

I would take any number! I am just so desperate for a baby. It's a little bit soul destroying.

We just seem to hit obstacle after obstacle. Isn't it meant to be 'natural' and 'easy'

OP posts:
StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 15/02/2011 20:29

Blow job and swallow.

Seriously.

The poor chap is under alot of pressure (as has been said). Maybe if you reminded him that you also love him as a man, as opposed to just a potential father?

I know it sounds crude, but wasting a bit of sperm paid off well in the long run for us.

Good luck.

Original poster
LauraSmurf · 15/02/2011 20:41

Yeah i know what you mean, i have been trying to keep priorities in mind. Reminding myself that 'WE' are so much more important than a fictional baby.

I have booked a 2 day spa break next weekend (non fertile time) and plan to have lots of relax, lots of fun sex and lots of us time. I love him dearly and i just hope he knows it!

PS he is just as desperate, if not more so as he is quite a bit older than me! I think he is pressuring himself a bit too much.

OP posts:
mummyabroad · 15/02/2011 21:40

Thanks for the thread LauraSmurf. TTC stress has driven us into counselling, but I like some of the ideas on here much better than the ones we get in therapy...WinkSmile

Best of luck to you.

NinjaChipmunk · 15/02/2011 22:29

rofl at this thread. I never realized so many people sucked it up with a baster and fired it up their fanjos!

Original poster
LauraSmurf · 16/02/2011 20:55

Probably TMI but we tried 'basting' last night instead of sex. Much better for both or us and pressed applicant worked well! Then spontaneous sex today with no stressor worry! 2 very :) people! Thanks for the support! I throughly recommend it.

OP posts:
candleshoe · 16/02/2011 23:02

Excellent news - glad to be of service!
Cheers Wine

WantBaby · 23/02/2011 15:21

Used preseed applicant last night for the first time. Wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
Keeping fingers crossed for us all!!

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