Poo-withholding 2 year old with mum tearing hair out

[L0zza]

I am at my wits end so any advice welcome especially from ladies who have been there.

DD, 2 yrs 7 months, started withholding her poo about 5 months ago. I now suspect a couple of days constipation was the cause as she was not a big drinker, but at the time, I wondered if she didn't like the feel of the poo in her nappy, so we started potty training. She started off brilliantly, and was happily pooing and weeing in the toilet/potty to get a choc button. We did it the classic way - reward successes and clean up accidents without recrimination or fuss. Then her nursery (she goes 3 days a week) told me she was constipated again, and it obviously hurt her so she thought well I won't be doing that again and became a committed poo-withholder. When she feels the urge, she will scamper off into her playtent and stand up ramrod straight with her bum clenched together - usually a tiny bit comes out, the urge passes and she carries on with her day. This happens about 8 times a day, always with a tiny bit of poo. Now when I see her running off, I go in and chirp "Are you playing in the tent?" at which point she will say "poo!" in a strangled voice, and is then perfectly happy to be taken to the potty and sit on it - but there is hardly ever any more poo, even when she sits there for 20 mins being read to. Occasionally she runs to the potty, sits down, and a log will come out, and this is brilliant, but it is rare. Then about a month ago, she went 7 days without any proper poos and just some brown liquid from time to time, so I took her to the doc, who was very sympathetic, felt her tummy and said it was ok, didn't do a rectal exam because she said withholders were very antsy about anyone going near their bum (true, she is not even keen on being wiped) and prescribed lactulose to soften it up and Babylax in case the lactulose didn't produce a result. The Lactulose dose was 10ml twice a day, to be adjusted until she was pooing well. Well, she is now on 15ml twice a day with no joy and in the last month, I have used all 4 Babylax syringes on her. Then recently, I thought I had cracked it, as I upped the stakes to "Big poo wins a biscuit, small poo wins choc button" and to my delight, she actually pushed poos out for a few days - I was over the moon! But now she is back to her old ways - not even biscuit bribery works. I have even backed off completely, and let her do her own thing, even in her pullups, I don't mind, I just want her to poo normally! But despite my efforts to appear blase about accidents, she knows she shouldn't poo in her pullups and when she sits on the potty, the first thing she does is check the pullups and says "Only a bit of poo on them!" (to which I reply "Oh that, no big deal, you're a good girl!" etc) and the other night she was playing with some older girls and she suddenly pelted off to the playtent, and when I got to her, she had done a poo in her pullups and said "Caitlin and Siobhann won't be very impressed with me" - bless! I felt so sorry for her! I have researched withholding alot and I understand that sometimes they can be constipated even if many small poos are coming out. I just don't know if this is the case with her and that she has a huge Elvis-style impaction of poo in her bowel, or if she is physically fine but just doesn't want to poo. She is never upset about being put on the potty and if she does do a poo, seems very excited and happy about it. I will say that personality-wise, she is a strong-willed little lady, so is it a control thing? I have tried sitting her on the potty/toilet for ages at a time each morning after a meal, which she is happy about, but no joy either. Has anyone else been here and what next?? I am at my wits end. Cheers all xx

[L0zza]

Amazingly similar post from worriedparents - many thanks, I am now feverishly cribbing all your advice!

[Umlellala]

we get dd to do farts in the bathif she is reluctant to poo she often then goes 'I NEED TO POO!' and she gets out and poos on potty.

it does drive you mad sometimes i know.