Hi, I had a pretty good birth (DS is nearly 5 months), normal delivery with no intervention, but unfortunately had a 2nd degree tear which the consultant obstetrician stitched for me - the midwives were concerned it was more than just a second degree but she said it wasn't. After about ten days the visiting midwife at home snipped a few of the stitches bcause she said they seemed to be pulled quite tight.

Even now DH and I are not able to have sex as it is too painful for me How long did people wait before going to their doctors, did they get referred, what happens? Is it still early days or should it be getting better by now? should we continue trying to have sex (as in, will i get 'used' to it) or should we wait a few more weeks/months?

Very sorry to hear this. Is your GP nice / approachable? I had a second degree tear and did not have any problems, a friend of mine had one and experienced similar problems to you. If your GP is nice please go and see them and explain, you may need to press them for a referral to the gynaecologist to check you out. I would say, just from personal experience, that you should be better by now.

hmm don't personally like my GP especially but she's ok. I did think it should have healed by now it doesn't really affect anything else but I do miss that side of our relationship and although DH is being lovely about it I'm sure it's not v satisfactory for him either!

I wouldn't wait any longer. I had an episiotomy with DS and a 2nd degree tear with DD. They were both stitched and healing was very quick (well under 6 weeks) despite me being otherwise not very well from the pregnancies.

You could see another GP/chage surgery if yours isn't sympathetic.

Ok go to your GP and ask for a referral. Do a quick search on here too, I have read lots of threads by people who have had problems having sex after stitches, as well as my friend - you are not the only one. Do not minimise the problem to your GP though - a man would not be expected to just put up with this or wait for things to get better imo. The quicker you can get a referral the better. Good luck.

thanks thats really helpful - I wasn't sure if this was just to be expected or not! does stopping breastfeeding make any difference?

Whilst you're breastfeeding you can be a bit drier, I presume you've tried using some lubricant e.g. KY? That would be the only difference I can think of. Oh some people say their sex drive is lower whilst breastfeeding, but it sounds like you want to give it a go!

Hi there, see your GP soon as you can, as whatever they recommend/refer you for will take a while anyway..

In the meantime, try massaging the scar tissue with a good oil containing vitamin E (I used wheatgerm from Neal's Yard), as both the oil, and the process of daily rubbing in small firm circular movements will break down scar tissue and de-sensitise the area.

I had a huge episiotomy that healed but was very painful for months afterwards. Two weeks of massaging the area with Contractubex, and it was fine. I heartily recommend this cream.

It doesn't say in this link but in the prospectus of the box, it said Contractubex especially effective for scars of gynecological operations and mastectomies.

That reminds me, there's a lubricant you can get called Instillagel - it's anaesthetic and antiseptic, I used it after my Fenton's Procedure (perineal repair op), thought it might help you to use it a short while before you try to have sex. Hubby might not like having his willy numbed but it's better than nothing and might be okay with condoms if you check.

Sex can be really good physio if done gently enough (along the same lines as the rubbing but less boring)

I had something similar = basically you need oestrogen (i think it was anyway...) to heal it and because I was breast feeding/ taking the mini pill it slowed the whole process down.

It did eventually heal but not before I'd been to see a gynaecologist - he explained and it all became clear. It is worth seeing one though as it could be a stitch still in there that had healed over or scar tissue that needs removing or something.

Mine too 12-18 months to finally get better/go but it wan't too painful for sex, just uncomfortable and I'd probably do something sooner if it was as painful as that.