I had my ds2 last thursday and am very much in love with him. I feel really strange though. Ds1 (2.4) is a nightmare at the moment with jealousy etc plus ill but i dont cuddle my newborn at all in the day, only really feed him and he goes to sleep etc. I try to give ds1 my undivided, play games etc but even when im doing this he is still being horrible to me. Pinching me etc. I obv tell him off and say it makes mummy sad and really praise when he's good but i just feel at a lose of my lovely little boy. Hes being a really horrible boy and i know this is to be expected as his life is upside down but i feel different toward him.

Dont get me wrong i love him to pieces but i feel wierd. When he was born he was very ill and i suffered pnd pretty much from birth and i never got all the cuddly stage. I was on anti depressants for the first 18 months of his life and feel i missed out on so much. My ds2 is so far very laid back and easy and i feel myself wishing he was my first. I cant believe how awful that sounds saying it out loud.

The other thing i keep doing is thinking of ds2 birth which was in birth center and a great experience compare to ds1 hospital birth and today i was playing the cd that was playing when ds2 was born and it almost made me cry. Remembering him being born and wishing i was back in the birth center with him. Whats that all about???

I saw my gp today for ds2 newborn check and she asked how i was feeling due to my history and i said so much better than with ds1 but i wasnt sure if how i was feeling was normal hormone 'just had a baby'. she was good and told me keep her updated. I dont really know what im asking anyone on here, just confused at all these thoughts??

mad4mybaby Ok, you'll be relieved to hear that your feelings are normal.

It is very VERY common to feel like you have fallen out of love with your first when your second comes along!

is that what it is? I feel awful. I do adore him. He was always my life, nothing else came first, dh not even close! Why??? I know i love both my boys equally, id die for either of them....

hi mad4 and congratulations. you should come and talk to us on the Nov postnatal; there is a lot of similar feeling going around and also a lot of similar behaviour from older siblings.

My DS was born on the 1st, and although he's my third, DS1 is 6.5 so no bother, but my DD whio is 18 months is going through all the jealousy stuff at the minute.

I also had a better birth with DS2 then my first or the elective section I had with DD so can totally relate to what you are saying about thinking about the birth.

I think wanting to be back in the hospital with him is probably your way of dealing with the stress that is going on with your older DC.

I know it's hard, but it is early days, and remember that your DS1's world has been turnied upside down by the new arrival. He needs time to adjust to that and he will, believe me. I thought DD was never going to speak to me again, but in the last week she is coming round to the idea of the baby and her behaviour has steadily improved. She is now back to giving me hugs and kisses and even wants to be near the baby and help with his care.

It's probably all just hormones at the minute, but it's good that you have support mechanisms in place if your MH does take a turn for the worse.

Take care and we'll hopefully see you on the PN thread

My DS is so much more laid back than DD (aged 2). I wonder how much of it has to do with my attitude - DD's birth was horrific. Really really awful. So much so that the hospital initiated its own inquiry.

A good birth makes a huge difference, as you know, and perhaps it's a bit easier to love your DS2?

I think that the mother bond isn't automatically love, but a deep sense of protection. Love takes a bit longer, I feel.

And if another (smaller) person is being awful, it's more difficult...

Maybe you could work out some time to have alone with DS1?

But agree with Starlight - it's normal. Don't worry. Don't panic.

it makes me feel like such a crap mum. Thinking 'what have i done to my ds1'? I feel its my fault hes like this, that he didnt ask for a brother.

Your family has changed, your relationships HAVE to change. You need to organise in your head these changes and adjust your feelings. This would take a while if you weren't also coping with hormones that haven't yet settled.

My DS was 2 on Sat and I have an 11 week old dd. Like you my first birth was rather traumatic and triggered depression, and like you my second was lovely.

I'm also enjoying my second cuddly baby much more. IMO she's cute, cuddly, lovely, wheras my ds felt like a pita from the minute he was born.

A lot of this I have realised is because I'M more relaxed having had a better birth and being a more experienced parent. I often feel like DS was my practise run and sometimes feel I want to scrub him out and start again .

However, now my hormones have settled down I realise that he is still my pfb and actually I shouldn't expect so much of him. He may well have appeared to grow into a mini-giant overnight when I had DD, but really he is still a baby himself and it's not fair to expect so much of him.

This is my honest experience. Hope it helps.

I recently had my second son,

ds2 is 4 weeks now for the first week of his life I was with him constantly as dh took ds1 out most days to try and keep him amused.

I then later found myself crying over ds1 as he slept in bed as I really I missed him and felt as though I had lost touch with him completely.

DH has now gone back to work and the 2 ds's and I are slowly working together as a team.

I have realised that having your second is completely mind blowing.

This sounds really normal to me .. your mind is just working out that you now have two wonderful sons.

It will all seem totally naturally soon enough...

xx

i just dont know what to do with him for the best. I keep telling him how much i love him

hi lacka, where is the post natal thread? Not sure id manage to keep up with it if its anything like our ante natal one! I gave up on it as it moved to fast for me!

oh, PMSL i just saw you changed your name! I'll have to change mine, esp considering what im talking about now!

mad4mybaby Just acknowledge your feelings and try not to feel guilty. Put up with feeling like you are just going through the motions with him if you can. Get your DP to spend quality time with him if it helps with the guilt.

It'll all come right soon enough!

Hey mad4.....I hope things are a bit easier for you today

Post Natal thread here

Thankfully we are all a bit busy, so it moves much more slowly. Good for a read though to let you know that others are in the same boat

I'm not actually all that leaky any more, but I'll hang onto this name for a bit longer, for fun

Am also worrying about falling out of touch with ds1 and him beibg a bit weird...basically acting quite often like he did before when he was really tired or hungry.

Absolutely ditto starlight, word for word, emotion for emotion, child age for child age.

DS is a handful of a toddler whilst DD is a lovely snuggly cute baby. I bet in 2 years time she will be a handful of a toddler and he will be my big grown up boy at school.

Are you me starlight, lol?

I am just starting to come out of it - DS is coming out of it and it seems positive again.

LOL peppapig Maybe you are me in a parallel universe. Let me know how it goes!

Have I won the lottery yet or should I not bother playing for a few years?