Anyone else petrified of childbirth???(31 Posts)
My husband and I have decided we have been married long enough now to remember what life was like when it was just us and feel capable of our ability to unite against the common enemy of children so we have ramped up the naughtiness in hope of a delivery from the proverbial stork. We are trying for our first baby ;o)
The thing is, whenever I think of babies I think of child birth and I actually want to vomit it scares me that much. The thought of all that pain makes me want to cry and whenever my mum talks about being there for the birth (I don't particularly relish the idea of a birthing partner) I get visions of being on a bed I can't get off of, in a room where I can't leave and it's filled with people peering quite openly into my foofoo. But I have no idea whether my fears are justified and I want to know if a) it's acceptable to tell everyone who doesn't have a medical degree to piss off out of my space and b) does it really hurt that bad?
Oh and also is it ok nowadays for the husband not to be there at the birth? He doesn't like blood to the point where when I sliced my arm open on a tin can (quite badly actually) I had to administer my own first aid and call an ambulance for him as he cracked his head open on the coffee table when he fainted, he tends to try and hide his uncomfortable feelings with humour even though he is seriously NOT funny and gets really irritating when he can't control everything that's going on around him by trying to be useful (poor man). All of which are traits I can't imagine being very conducive to a peaceful(ish) labour.
33, I thought it was awfully painful rather than hard work.
33 you said "However awful you think it will be, it won't be that bad. And however bad it is on the day, you'll forget it straight away. It's hard work rather than awfully painful"
I know you mean well but those of us who have experienced horrific birth (and there are a lot of us) know this isn't true. You live with the memory forever - and it scars you permanently.
I think the OP is doing exactly the right thing. She is going in with her eyes open.
Horrific birth experiences can be avoided but this is the NHS and they do happen - midwives and doctors may well try to talk you out of pain relief or deny you caesarean or leave you in labour too long. Equally, you may meet great staff who respect your wishes and you may have a perfectly straightforward and painless birth.
Go in being polite but have no illusions you may need to be prepared to fight your corner.
Some people don't forget a difficult birth straightaway. They get PTSD.
And the 'tough walk up a mountain' analogy doesn't work for me. A 'good' birth is not solely a matter of personal effort and determination.
You can ask for a cs on the nhs for fear of birth (NICE guidelines) but attitudes vary so much from place to place, some women may get their request for a cs granted easily - others refused or have a big battle on their hands. So the idea of being entitled or guaranteed a cs doesn't actually work in practice.
I had a cs for my 1st and will have for my 2nd dc (for birth phobia). I had no specific fear at all of surgery/hospitals etc, and no health reasons that were risk factors for a cs. It was a very positive experience for me. Not a solution for everyone of course, but it was for me.
Foofoo, haha love it!! you honestly won't give a stuff about your foofoo getting looked at when you are giving birth.
I think everyone feels like this about childbirth, I certainly did. I was so scared even going for my first midwife appointment, I was literally shaking. I had nothing to worry about of course I am just a bit of a wimp, and I had a baby! I still can't get over it!
Honestly it is the most life changing experience you'll ever have, and you get a beautiful baby at the end of all that hard work. The way you are feeling is completely normal you not the first and you won't be the last.
Yes it hurts and yes it's hard (ain't called labour or nothing) but it's not the dark ages you can opt for a cs if you are that daunted. Plus there are lots of options for pain relief which work very well for most women in labour.
You will be fine, your midwife will explain all the options available to you and you can discuss any worries you may have about childbirth and random people looking at your foofoo. But if your still not reassured just request an elective cs.
X good luck x
Hi monkeysocks - I was like you, the thought of birth just terrified me. I remember listening to someone giving birth on a radio play once while I was driving and having to pull over as I was shaking so much plus I shared your fear of being trapped in a room unable to get away.
The thing that helped me was finding out that some people that I consider quite wimpy had had drug-free births and, although this isn't very noble, I came to the conclusion that if they could do it, then I probably could manage as well. You should try talking to people who you trust will be sympathetic - there are a lot of women who take a certain delight in going on about how they didn't know they could scream that loud, the hospital ran out of drugs they were taking so many etc etc. My experience was (a) I really didn't want an epidural because of my fear of being stuck unable to move (b) although it is definitely very painful during contractions, the contractions come and go and the rest was more like very hard work.
I also didn't particularly want my husband to be there, although he was in the end - I'm glad he was for his sake because he wanted to see his children born but it never made much of a difference to me in terms of support or anything so if it really bothers you, just tell your husband. To be honest, I was just in the zone, thinking about getting them out.
It was nine years ago last week that I had my first child and it is still the most intense experience of my life - mostly in good ways. I can remember it all so clearly and, although I remember feeling fearful and it hurting, I'm really glad that I went through it, not just because I got a lovely baby at the end of it but because it made me realise how amazing my body is and the things that it is capable of .
I'd recommend you hire a doula and look at hypnobirthing too. NCT, Lazy Daisy classes etc won't be enough to help with your strong fears, you need to face and deal with those fears you both have. Good luck x
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