I'm 39 weeks pg with dc2.
dc1 was born at home, in water, and I had a 3rd degree tear (repaired in hospital, healed perfectly). dd was 9lb 1oz. This baby is scanning smaller (but we don't know when it will come of course)
I was told this time at the very beginning that following the tear I would not be allowed to have a home birth but it was suggested that I go to the MW led birthing unit attached to my hospital. This is what I wanted to do.
Today I had an appointment with a new doctor I hadn't seen before (standing in for the consultant I am supposedly "under" but have seen once for 5 minutes) who said things I had never heard before:
I should not go to the MW led unit because if the MW who attends me is trained to be "hands off" (as opposed to "hands on") I have a 50% chance of a 3rd degree tear again as there will be no doctors to intervene.
They will very likely want to give me an episiotomy (this directly contradicts what the consultant said: he said tears are preferable and heal better. This is the same hospital and he is this registrar's boss:
)
this to me sounds like the sort of situation - lying down, feet in stirrups, ready to be managed by doctors - that leads to mothers getting distressed, babies getting stuck, forceps, maybe worse, etc. I really wish I could have a birth like dd's: calm, private, relaxed, one to one care, happy alert completely unscathed baby, agpar scores 10 and 10, feeding within 5 minutes.
It is my decision what I do but I feel that suddenly this very anti-MW led unit view has come out of nowhere and I am so confused. I don't want to tear again, or tear worse, and I think it would be stupid to go against advice on this; but on the other hand, a calm and happy birth, upright in control and with a strong happy serene baby at the end, would be so lovely. I found dd's early weeks a lot easier than some of my friends - no ventouse bruises, easy feeding, good sleeping for her; no weird infections for me.
Every time I go to hospital, people are missing, other people bark irritated questions at me about where people or things are that I can't answer, I never know anyone's name, I am always hungry or freezing or thirsty for hours, people barge in and out of rooms while you are taking your knickers on or off, I am immobile for some reason and completely lost. That is ok if you are just having stitches or something but I am not sure I can bear having a baby under those conditions. I'm afraid I'm going to freak out in some way, I am getting tearful thinking about it.
Now I have to decide fast!
Can anyone say anything that might help me see this more clearly? In particular can anyone tell me more about this "hands on / off" distinction with MWs because this seems to be extremely important to the doctor I saw today and I had never heard of it. She said if I go to the birthing centre I must ask the MW who attends me which she is and ask to go to the labour ward if I don't get a clear answer, or if she says "hands off"?
thank you for any help anyone can give