Other kids at homebirth?

[missjackson]

I'm due in 3 weeks and am hoping for a home birth for my second child (previous birth MLU fairly straight-forward although long, only G&A). What arrangements do other home-birthers make for their children? I have a 2 yo DS (25 months). My options are:

1. My Mum comes here and is on hand to distract him, play with him, or just sleep with him (assuming it happens overnight). Anxious he will see me in pain and not understand why. He rarely sleeps through the night as he likes to trot into our room and snuggle in bed with me halfway through the night. Also anxious that I may end up being transferred to hospital which would def be upsetting for him if he's awake to see me carted off in ambulance.

1. He stays away at my Mum's - has done this a couple of times already no problem, but I am anxious about him coming home to find a new baby already in place.

Any thoughts/ ideas/ experiences gratefully received.

DD was four when I had DS at home and we went for Option 1. However she is a reliable sleeper, was very calm and loved having my mum and her partner all to herself all day. She came in to see me a few times but once things got going she was spirited away. With a younger child though I would probably go for Option 2, especially if he would want to come and see you and wouldnt understand your behviour. With DD she was able to understand a little about birth and she knew I would be making strange noises and behaving oddly and was happy to leave me to it and be distracted elsewhere.

DS was born while DD was asleep so she woke up in the morning to a baby already there and in place, your DS on the other hand would have the opportunity to have your mum getting him all excited before he sees her. One thing that helped DD was to have the baby's bed and changing area and clothes all ready and in place, so she knew his arrival was imminent and the sudden appearance of all this stuff was not a shock. DS also gave DD a baby boy doll, a big cake and some books so his arrival was definitely smoothed by the gifts!

I did option 1 when ds was born. DD was asleep upstairs for most of it, BIL stayed over and took her off to playgroup, she came back a few hours later and met her new brother. She was fine about it and didn't seem displaced or anything. There was an exchange of gifts between dd and ds and that sealed the deal.

If your mum is about that sounds ideal and she can keep him distracted/ calm/ in the loop if you need to transfer or if he gets worried.

Congratulations!

Ultimately I guess it's what you feel most comfortable with. I am hoping that my son's closeness will help keep me strong and focused. I saw all 4 of my brothers and sisters enter the world and only have positive feelings about it all.

When we emerged to the presence of midwives and auntie in the house from our bedrooms, we were always treated like royalty! Biscuits weren't rationed and a new shiney game or two would make an appearance too.

Having a backup, as Loopy suggests is a good plan I reckon! I certainly shall be, just in case.

Keep all options open. I've had one HB where I wanted DC out of the way, second HB where DC watched (baby born at 7am, they saw the last 20-30 minutes), and third HB where we woke them up because they said they wanted to be there. They then whined about how long it was taking and we came to a mutual decision that they should bugger off back to bed and meet their brother in the morning

Would having your mum in the house put you off? Would she be ok with not being there for you IYSWIM but for your DS?

Could you watch a straightforward birth at www.mybirth.tv/ with him and see how he reacts? Sometimes the younger they are, the easier it is. You don't have to go into the biology so much, just mummy is mooing type thing.

Thanks, I feel much more positive now about taking option 1 and seeing how it goes... my Mum is fab and totally flexible, she could take him off at a moment's notice and he is very happy with her.

Good idea to watch some births too - I would just hate him to be scared and worried. But with plenty of support there for both of us, I think he'll be fine - and hopefully will just sleep through it anyway.

Last time was very long first stage, crappy contractions for over 24 hours that I just used tens for.. and even for the painful part I was pretty relaxed and wasn't screaming the place down - or at least that's how I like to remember it !