I could cry right now, I really could

[LollipopViolet]

Really sorry, I need to vent because I'm so upset right now. My family situation is thus: I live with my mum, her parents and her brother. My uncle has been paralyzed from the chest down since before I was born, and has always needed 24 hour care. I help out during uni holidays and a little bit during term time.

2 years ago, some things happened which I won't go into, but it means he's now basically confined to his bed. This is hard enough for all of us, as he obviously can't move so we're in and out of his room constantly sorting drinks, TV etc. Not a problem, we're used to it.

He's got a chest infection :( He's being difficult, refusing to have the head of the bed raised, even though he knows it'll help his chest, etc etc. Wants to get the doctor out even though 2 qualified nurses live here (well, one, my mum. My gran retired but she stills knows what's good!), which would probably end in him being taken into the local hospital, which would not be good as it was his previous stay that caused some of the problems.

So my parents are being run ragged with no respite, I'm doing what I can even though I'm back at uni. Everyone's shouting and arguing :(

I don't like arguing and shouting, makes me quite upset for some reason (I've always been a sensitive thing though). Aaaaargh actually can't wait for uni tomorrow so I can get out of the house!

I know, that makes me sound horrible but it's just not very pleasant here right now and won't be til my uncle's chest infection clears up :( That could take WEEKS!

If you've read all that, thanks. It's off my chest now and I will be able to go to sleep and not lie awake upset and worrying. OK, I'll worry because any chest infection in my uncle could turn nasty, but you know, I won't have these thoughts of "why us?" in my head.

[Casserole]

That's so hard, for all of you.

Why does he want to get the doctor out?

I don't have the same experience as you, but 2 years ago my Nan went into a nursing home after Mum (and to a much lesser extent, I) tried hard to keep her at home. She had dementia as well as physical needs and the point came where we just couldn't keep her safe anymore, so after a fall while my Mum & Dad were trying to lift her she was admitted to a home. In her case it was the right thing, we couldn't cope with/for her anymore, but I think my Mum will always struggle with that, with the guilt of it.

Anyway. That's not the same situation as yours, so please don't think I'm drawing any parallels. Just trying to say I understand a tiny bit of the physical, emotional, mental and familial toll it takes caring for someone, and if they are not compliant (for whatever reason) then your home feels like a battleground as well as a prison. You're not wrong to be struggling.

[LollipopViolet]

I think it's because he's scared, I'm not sure, might be because if they say "this is what needs to happen" he'll listen, so might not be a bad thing! My grandmother is gonna ring the docs tomorrow and see if they'll give antibiotics, because they know the situation so might not have to see him.

It'll be alright in the end, just a bit annoying when it's all in the air, everyone's a bit worried, and I'm in my final year at uni!

[Casserole]

Maybe he wants the decision taken out of all of your hands and put into someone else's? I think maybe sometimes it must be hard to have to receive care all the time from people who are also in the family role in your life - whereas doctors etc are just in the carer role, and paid for it, so it might feel easier to accept from them?

I dunno. Am probably making no sense! But I feel for you all. Hope tomorrow brings some solutions.

[LollipopViolet]

Thank you :). I blame PMT as I'm feeling lots better today. Last night my grandparents were up a fair bit sorting my uncle out, which I (and maybe my mum, who is at work) felt a bit bad about, but as they said, no point the 2 of us being up all night then having to go out and be functioning members of society!

Doctor has been and we now have some antibiotics, apparently it's not as bad as previous times have been so fingers crossed they'll work quickly :).

[Casserole]

Great. Hope they work quickly.

You sound like a lovely family

[LollipopViolet]

Yeah, we are. Some people find the arrangement we have odd, all living together, but honestly, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way because I've had all these wonderful people impacting my life as I've grown up.

Now I'm 20 and nearly out of uni I do want to move to where there'll be work in the media industry, so probably Manchester, but I know I'll miss my family and end up at home every so often!

[Casserole]

I grew up living with my Mum, Nan and Grandad, and later my stepdad too. My Nan lived with Mum until she went into the home 2 years ago. I wouldn't have had it any other way either.