God it will never end

(12 Posts)
tribpot Sun 19-Sep-10 20:45:58

Won't go back over the history of my dh's chronic illness but he's just burst into my bedroom to announce he gave up his career so that I might have one.

As I recollect, we left well-paying jobs in Sweden to return to the UK to have his multiple illnesses investigated (to no avail) - he can't work and I couldn't get work during my pregnancy. Now I work to support us.

This should properly be in Relationships as I am close to done with this. I know other carers will have been through similar, it is just endless.

tribpot Sat 25-Sep-10 21:55:13

I can't take any more.

tribpot Fri 01-Oct-10 22:20:13

Another weekend of utter hell to come.

colditz Fri 01-Oct-10 22:23:32

You do not have to put up with this. You cannot sign your life away to someone else. You are a person too.

DirtyMartini Fri 01-Oct-10 22:26:05

Oh sad

I don't have any experience of this. I shouldn't really post, I guess, but couldn't read and not express to you how much I sympathise.

It doesn't sound sustainable. I hope there is a way forward for you.

CarGirl Fri 01-Oct-10 22:29:00

You make those marriage vows for better for worse but it doesn't make it an easier does it confused

Do you think he needs you and your marriage in particular are would you all be better off if he were elsewhere?

chandra Fri 01-Oct-10 22:49:56

Please don't bring the "vows" into the equation, it doesn't help and in any case everybody is entitled to make mistakes, small ones and even big ones. [sorry, it's out of my chest now}

I don't have much experience being a proper carer of someone, but I believe you can put with a lot when you love the person, but if the person attitude is slowly eroding all that love... well, it comes a time when that "love" becomes a jail.

If it is feeling like that at the moment, perhaps is time to sit with him and have a good chat because you might be a carer and him a person that needs to receive that care, but you are not in a "professional" relationship, if your woman-and-man relationship is becoming unbearable, it might be time to put the illness to the side and perhaps go to Relate.

CarGirl Fri 01-Oct-10 22:57:29

Actually I was meaning that "vows" shouldn't be what are keeping anyone there if it's become destructive/damaging which is sounds like it has if he believes what he is saying.

tribpot Mon 04-Oct-10 22:19:46

Thank you for your posts.

The impetus was that his pain has reached a point where he wants to die. Right or wrong, that is where we are.

It is so desperate. Every time he moves at the weekend I am terrified it's another declaration of death, not sure what to say.

Thank you for responding.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Mon 04-Oct-10 22:31:44

Is his illness physical or mental?

CarGirl Tue 05-Oct-10 17:15:22

Does he have a CPN or similar it sounds like he needs to be an inpatient for a while, not least of all to give you a break from the relentlessness of it all sad

salsmum Tue 25-Jan-11 01:18:48

((((((((( HUGS)))))))))) sending your way tribpot its difficult caring for a spouse I don't envy you. I've only had experience in caring for my mum and my daughter. Maybe you could get in touch with a carers center and offload over a coffee they may even have specialist advisers for spouses who care...good luck x

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