My son seems unpopular

(8 Posts)
Pammi Tue 09-Sep-08 10:25:54

My son, who is 4 and at pre-school, doesn't seem to have any friends. He keeps telling me that other children don't like him and tell him to go away. He is quite an "eccentric" boy in that he is very intelligent and slightly precocious. I am worried as I was like him as a child and was bullied and excluded by other children all the way through school until I left at 16. Also, I haven't really made friends with other parents at the school who seem quite "cliquey" with each other, and I wonder if that has an adverse affect on my son (doesn't get invited to birthday parties, play dates, etc.). He does enjoy nursery, however, and looks forward to going. I just hope the problem doesn't escalate and continue in future when he will be more aware of how he's being treated.

mabanana Tue 09-Sep-08 10:29:46

You need to help him make friends, and that means stuff like inviting kids to play, inviting them to his birthday etc even if that means getting over your own shyness. Talk to his teacher at preschool, explain what he's saying and see how they see the issue. Kids do often exaggerate for effect. If they agree he isn't getting on well with his peers, ask if they can encourage friendships and also help him with his interactions - teach him better ways to get on with people. When you have kids to play, you can help him by pointing out when things have gone well and praising him, and helping to understand what's happend when they haven't gone so well.

WigWamBam Tue 09-Sep-08 10:30:21

Don't be too quick to assume that the other children don't like him. Young children will often tell you that they didn't have anyone to play with all day, when in fact there was only a few minutes during the day when they didn't have someone to play with. It's just that the two minutes when they were on their own sticks in their mind more than the rest of the time.

Have you spoken to the staff? They will have some idea whether he is unpopular or not. If there is a problem, they can help him to address it.

piratecat Tue 09-Sep-08 10:30:21

i think you have to try and teach him, how to get involved with others, which will be hard if you find it difficult yourself. Yet he needs you to show him, he has noone else.

Perhaps you need to be a bit braver, and say hi to people, or if there is anyone you get on with better, ttry and cultivate more of a relationship, suggest a cuppa, that sort of thing.

It is very hard anyway, fitting in with the other mums, and finding out who's who, and what they are like.

Play up your boy's strengths, and praise kindness, sharing, and don't be too afraid to let him make mistakes.

Bridie3 Tue 09-Sep-08 10:33:47

My son isn't a natural at making friends. He's 11 now and over the years he has got better. I have had to put a lot of effort into asking his friends over (often driving 30 miles to collect groups of them and take them back).

It has been hard work but I am seeing some improvements in confidence. He just needed us to show him the way.

zoo123 Tue 09-Sep-08 10:33:55

Try www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_ss_w_h_/026-9888761-8842003?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=unwritte n+rules+of+friendship

I heard about it on here and recognised not only myself but also other children I'd been to school with. It has a lot of strategies for helping children to fit in, get along with other children and make friends.

Pammi Tue 09-Sep-08 11:01:08

Thanks for all your advice. I haven't actually spoken to his teachers at length on the subject so I will try to do that asap. zoo123 I will definitely try that book, need all the help I can get as, as some of you suggested, I don't have much of a clue myself about making friends. I hope I'm not just projecting my own fears and inadequacies onto my son . .

streakybacon Tue 09-Sep-08 13:29:06

This one is lovely too, for younger children.

My ds is nearly 10 and we still read it occasionally!

http://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Friend-Friends-Families/dp/0316111538

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