6 year old dd ongoing problems with one other girl. What to do?

(3 Posts)
puffberto Thu 14-Jun-12 10:36:23

DD is in year 1. She has friends in another class but she's shy and find it difficult to interact easily with the group of girls in her class. There are only 4 other y1 girls in her class and they are close knit, socially adept, what I'd call alpha girls. DD is not. She is quite happy to rub along in her quiet way, but one of the girls feels the need to constantly assert herself around her. She will do things like; pushing dd if she thinks she's in the way, constantly ask her why she's staring when she's not, asking her why she's sitting somewhere, telling her she dresses after PE too slowly, commenting on her voice and what she's wearing etc The child is the 3rd of 3 girls in the family, confident assertive and friendly to her friends but not to dd. she is not the topdog of the class who is actually quite nice to dd. She's the top dog's best friend (excuse analogy).I spoke to class teacher in November. She was surprised to hear about it but put it down to a bit of bossiness.
I've told dd to tell teacher if this girl is very unkind, pushes her etc but she doesn't tend to as she doesn't feel confident that the teacher will understand.
Yesterday dd told me that the girl had come up to her and said 'Don't you like me?' DD replied, 'No' . I asked her why they'd had this conversation. DD said the girl had pushed her away so she couldn't use her peg. DD said that she thought 'Stupid girl I hate you' but she spoke her thoughts without realising.
I think this will turn into more sophisticated bullying when the girls are older. The other child has good enough social skills to get away with it. Schools talk about anti-bullying policies, practices but I'm not confident that these types of low level sly behaviours that girls are capable of actually get dealt with. I don't know what to do for the best. Thanks for reading.

TheHouseOnTheCorner Thu 14-Jun-12 11:09:35

Ooh it's AWFUL! It makes me so cross! It does sound as though she ought to carry on with that attitude if you ask me! The other girl sounds like she has marked DD as an easy victim or that she feels threatened by her in some other way....either by her talents or looks perhaps?

Anyway....if I were you, I would practice stuations with DD...make up typcal situations that happen with this girl and then swap roles...you be the mean girl and DD be's herself....DD responds in her usual way...then YOU take the role of DD and DD acts like the mean girl....and you then show a good response...then swap back and let DD try it out.

DD needs to stand up for herself without becoming the bad guy...so if this girl comments on her dressing slowly for instance, DD can say "It's none of your business how long I take." or "If you'd stop bossing me, I might be faster...go away"

The pushing...if the girl pushes DD, I would be tempted to tell DD to push back...not hard....but a little shove back will show that she's not to be intimidated. The girl is probably showing what she gets at home from siblings...if you dont want to tell DD to push back then I thnk she needs to speak loudly and say "Stop pushing now!" VERY clearly.

Also, consider sending DD to drama, gymnastics or another physical activity.

DeWe Thu 14-Jun-12 11:36:44

I think with that sort of child if you tell them to push back, then the girl will probably tell the teacher and then your dd's going to be in trouble. Stick with either saying "Don't push me" in a loud, but not aggressive way, or persuade her to tell a teacher.

I would speak to the teacher again, as there's a lot of time between November and now. It may have been just bossiness then, or the teacher may have been watching carefully but think your dd doesn't mind because nothing has been said. Say it's becoming an issue and she is physically pushing her around. Explain that your dd doesn't feel able to come and tell the teacher.

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