Very long post but I need help to know what to do next re a bullying parent...

[zephyrcat]

Hi all, I feel that to get the right advice I need to post this from the very beginning - please bear with me!!

We moved to our current school from another town when DD1 was in year R - she is now in yr 5. I also have DS in yr 3, DD2 in yr 1 and DD3 starting in Sept.

We didn't know anyone and made a choice to hang back and observe for a while before getting to know people. I straight away became aware of a group of parents who were very loud, obnoxious and generally not nice and avoided them like the plague but thought nothing more of it. Around a year ago we got to know a small group of parents who we get on very well with and who, having lived here all their lives, know who this other group are.

One afternoon, at hometime, there was an argument going on with some of the horrible group, and a teaching assistant came out to defend her partner (a parent) This culminated in the TA being suspended. We saw it all so my friend and I sat before the Governors and gave a statement etc in the end she was reinstated.

The 'leader' of this group then turned her attention to my friend and kept approaching her very obviously trying to start an argument or get a reaction, swearing and being overly loud - all the while children are around. At one point, I had to make a statement to the police because they wanted to charge her with a public order offence.

Since then she has relentlessly hassled my friend, following her in and out of the school making comments, swearing, using her yr4 daughter to swear at my friend etc and then going into the school office and the police and playing the victim. She was even seen by the school driving into the school grounds and taking a baseball bat from her car to intimidate. She was questioned and admitted it but the school 'lost' the CCTV. This has been almost daily to the point where the school banned both the bully and my friend from the school grounds (infants and jnrs are linked so neither was allowed in the others school grounds) It was in the local papers, there was a petition raised by parents who have previously been afraid to speak up against her, my friend's daughter has been referred to a school psychologist because she is so distressed about her Mum being victimised and has started to wet her bed. Yet this 'parent' is still allowed to be in the school. My friend's daughter also goes to Beavers which is near this woman's house, so she sent her young daughter over to wait until the Beavers were out playing, then approached my friend's dd and told her she was going to wait til after they finished then beat her up - calling her several vile swear words at the same time.

Now this bully has seen me and my partner with my friend on several occasions, she is starting the same with us. She saw me walking down the school corridor and shielded her daughter as if I were a threat and said quite loudly 'Don't worry, we'll get her banned too'. I spoke to the head and she said it's my word against hers. That night she waited for me to walk home after school, drove down to a garage to deliberately turn around and drive past me making gestures at her window.

Yesterday, my partner took the children to school and she deliberately crossed over to walk up the school path behind him and our children, and her 15yo Son was telling my partner he was going to knock him out and generally threatening him. My Partner has to go and make a statement tonight. He spoke to the office about it but no-one has contacted us. Today I have kept the children home because I don't believe that we should be subjected to threats/intimidation on a school run. As yet the Head is still to contact me today, but I really don't know what to do next. Where do the school stand - surely they have a responsibility to remove families like this? Do I keep the children off until they can guarantee they can walk in to school feeling safe and happy? on the other hand why should I keep them out and make them lose out because of a bully... any advice at all gratefully received!!!

[rockinhippy]

I hope you get it sorted & really feel for you, it sounds awful, but a bit too complicated for me to give best advice on as involves parents which is not something I've really come across before, bar been shocked the School aren't doing more & wondering if somehow their hands are tied

by that I mean has the problem DCs already been expelled from other Schools & placed with your School - this happened at my DDs School & it turned out the School couldn't act as needed, because they had no power to expel who had been placed there after expulsion from 2 other Schools - not sure if thats a LEA ruling, or national, but could explain the lack of appropriate action


I would recommend contacting the educational welfare office though & let them know whats going on & how its affecting your DCs attendance at School & general well being - I'd suggest your friend does the same - it pre-empts them getting on your back for keeping your DCs home - which they will

& your next step after that is your local Director of education I threated press involvment & legal action against them - this route worked with DDs school situation - though in fairness DDs school were trying hard to solve the problem - which from what you write isn't obvious about your own school - sounds very odd, is the school management really so crap as to not want to protect DCs from this sort of thing - its their legal duty of care

[zephyrcat]

Hi rockinhippy - thanks for your message, makes a lot of sense and I now wonder if maybe there have been previous exclusions, it certainly feels like there is something stopping the school. The headmistress rang me eventually this afternoon and I was expecting a telling off for keeping the children out of school, but she said that I am fully authorised to keep them off as long as I like until I feel it's ok to bring them in. I'm not sure whether to feel shocked or angry - basically it comes across that as long as I back down and stay away there is no issue to deal with.

[antshouse]

God that sounds awful.

It sounds like she's always looking for someone to pick a fight with. No advice really but make a note of every comment and threat from the family and try to have other people around when near the school so you have witnesses. No doubt they will find someone else to torment soon.