Mumsnet Talk

I sense the problem, often, in dealing with bullying is that schools are more and more reluctant to take what parents would consider is appropriate action once bullying is reported. Concern that proof is difficult to obtain (bullies are smart enough to know to do their worst away from the eyes of teachers) and modern 'liberal' thinking around punishment combine to invariably mean that schools take the easy option and wait for the 'bullied' to move schools rather than confront the issue head-on. It doesn't seem believable, for those of us schooled fifty years ago, that schools these days seem afraid to say 'stop and don't do it' when bullying is reported. The additional problem today seems to be a general reluctance to actually punish-a sense that bully and victim are both 'victims' and need to be considered equally. As I commented on an earlier thread my daughter was badly bullied some years ago at Wimbledon High School-and we ended up moving her to another school (where she blossomed-she is now at university). We could never understand why very little action was taken and ,when it was, how ineffectual it was-despite the School noting that it had (and has) a strict anti-bullying policy. We ran into the 'if we can't see it happening then we can't take action' argument-even though we made it clear that the bullying was out of sight of teachers and much of it was via email and 'cyber'. Then we were told that the way to deal with bullies -rather than just simply telling them to stop-is to get bully and victim in a room and 'talk' to them together-which of course simply reinforces the bully's feeling that they will not be punished (and they never were). Of course frequent visits to the school only create in the school's mind the impression that the problem is with your child-again reinforced by your child becoming reluctant to go to school and isolating themselves which the school then say is why she is being bullied......For us we found ourselves completely unsupported and adrift (and we were paying fees for our daughter's schooling as well!) in a vicious circle. So we gave up in the end and moved her to a different school-where she was, thankfully never bullied again. Were we just unlucky or are schools failing in how they actually deal with bullying (as opposed to what they say they will do)?

for you and daughter. But glad she has succeeded so well.

Not in high school mode yet, but I have been v impressed by the stance taken at the infant and junior schools here

.....action taken on both personal and group level, pro-active in that there is an active anti-bullying message and focus on "good interactions" and "bad interactions" frequent assemblies focussed on empathy and standing up for others as well as yourself. Teachers prepared to listen and individuals talked to and parents involved...

Not sure about what direct 'punishment' could or should be involved for bullies but the approach above seems to have created a good atmosphere and there are 'quiet place' for children who are finding mixing a challenge (like one of mine) and buddies who look out for games turning against others as well as teachers and assistants who will step in.

Hope that Wimbledon High has upped it's game now.

I have struggled for 2 years with my daughter's school staff with bullying issues She is now starting yr 9 I have had meetings with the Head who wants all incidents reported. Iam unhappy with lack of training by staff in the last year. The (gay male) year head (in Girls School) gave bullies no punishment at all but expect them to stand in a line with the victim(s) and all girls to agree to leave each other alone! I am seriously thinking of moving her out of the Girls School (Colston's in Bristol) although her Dad (not living with us) is adamant she must stay because of her "education" as results are the best around here. I can't believe the Head can't give me any written response to show up to date staff training on bullying issues or give any parent network help to improve things for all families and staff. My daughter's self esteem is so low she is frightened to make the move.

If you write a complaint the head has to respond in writing addressing the points you have made, if you share it with OFSTED they will also look at the school's record and policies......if they don't have any they soon will!

Sorry to comment on an older post but I so agree with you OP.

In my son's primary school he was bullied relentlessly. I complained and complained, to teacher and to head. In every Governor's meeting the Head stood there and stated that there were no cases of bullying reported that month. I knew of at least three other parents in the same year group who had complained. In this situation the Head didn't want his school to look bad in the eyes of Ofsted etc, i.e. he didn;t deal with it due to pride. We moved schools.

In secondary school, DS had a great first year. At the start of year 8 a new boy (lets call him L) started and made my son's life hell. But not just my son, L was happy to stab anybody with a pencil, throw chairs at anybody, damage classroom stuff etc. As he found his feet in the new school he then became selective and picked mostly on my son. It came to a head when he brought in cigarettes and a lighter and was messing around with it at break, trying to set stuff alight. DS told me on the way home so I emailed the year head. L accused DS of telling on him - the yearhead told me that he had had several reports so DS was not the only one. L really hurt DS the next day. School did little, a lunchtime exclusion. DS became ill at this time. This was two years ago and DS is still ill. He is now home edded and thriving, he is still ill but the symptoms are manageable. Everytime L picked on someone he would then scream at them - "You can't touch me I have (insert SN here)" The Sn would be dyspraxia, adhd, asd etc. From other comments we believe he was expelled from his previous school. In this case the school did nothing apparently due to inability to punish him due to his conditions - i.e. they were too cowardly to do anything.

So ProtectiveDad, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Schools are too reluctant to deal with the bullies and would prefer the victims to leave. This, I believe, is down to the namby-pamby bleeding hearts brigade. Pupils do not have respect for teachers and until teachers can use real discipline pupils will never gain this respect. If pupils do not learn respect at this age, what hope do they have in later life.

Rant over

I was cyber bullied as a teacher by students and management tried to gag me. Schools definately have the ostrich attitude towards this issue. It's horrendous what goes on and schools need to wise up.