HELP PLEASE! I feel like a cow, my baby won't settle with out me.

(16 Posts)
Mrsambition Tue 18-Jun-13 13:12:37

My DS is 6 days old, bf is v difficult. I've had sore nipples the pai was awful! I knew it was my
Latch but I couldn't fix it no matter what. The MW suggested nipple shields which have really helped but now the wee man won't suck without them. This hasn't affected my supply (so far) as the milk is running down his cheeks.

Anyway the main problem which I need help with is the fact that he wants to suck all the time. He won't do anything other than eat/suck & sleep. I've no routine, can't do anything, go anywhere or even hand him to his daddy as he starts screaming after a few minutes & won't stop until hes back on me again.

How can I break this habit?
How long should he be going between feeds?
How long should he feed for?

God this is hard, am stuck to the sofa/bed 24/7!

Thanks is advance.

NeedlesCuties Tue 18-Jun-13 13:44:14

He is 6 days old. Less than one week ago he was snug and secure in your womb and now he's in the big bad world.

He is meant to want to suckle all the time, as you're all he's ever known for comfort. You are meant to be close at all times in these early early days.

What he is doing is 100% normal, and I know it's hard, but if you ride out this storm for another glut of weeks then it really will get easier.

How can I break this habit? You don't. He's sucking constantly to establish your milk supply as your body won't know how much to make unless he's got a good attempt at feeding from you.

How long between feeds? However long your DS wants. At 6 days old the feeds just melt into each other as they are so frequent.

How long should he feed for? Might be around an hour each feed at this stage, but don't panic as it won't always be that long!

Have a look at Kellymom for really really helpful info.

cathan Tue 18-Jun-13 13:46:02

You are in the very early, very hard bit, trust me, it will get better! Breastfeeding is a skill which both you and your baby have to learn and you're in the "learning" phase right now. Things will settle down, feeds will be quicker, baby will get interested in other things and want/need to feed less. Believe me, it will improve and you will reap huge benefits for both of you if you can stick with it. Imagine yourself in a few weeks time, able to go out without bottles of formula etc, feeding in the night without having to heat milk. Think of the money and hassle you'll save. Think of all the wonderful health benefits for baby - and you (did you know for example that the risk of various cancers if much reduced for women who have breastfed?). Finally, see if there's a breastfeeding support group nearby or just another mum who has been feeding for a bit longer than you have - the best help I got was from other mums in the same position. It will get better and it really, really, really is worth it! Good luck!

Mrsambition Tue 18-Jun-13 14:05:28

Ah thank you both. It's just my midwife keeps saying he's using me as a dummy & to put him down after 20 mins which I've tried once & couldn't watch him crying!

I know your both right it's just mentally challenging at the min as I feel so isolated. I have no one to talk to about this in RL as no one has BF before not even my mum did it!

So it's normal for him to just sleep & eat all the time then. I was worried that he had no interaction time with his dad or sister, he won't even sit in A bouncer.

Making time for myself to get a shower etc is difficult I'll have to try & be more mentally strong.

sleepyhead Tue 18-Jun-13 14:15:30

Your midwife isn't your baby's mother and I'd bet you a hundred pounds that if it was her baby she wouldn't be able to put him down to cry after 20 minutes at 6 days old either.

Very easy to give bad advice when it's not you having to cope with the result.

Seriously, 6 days feels like forever I know (ds2 is 10 weeks so I can still remember) but in another 3 days time your ds will have lived half his entire life over again and will have changed hugely. In another week he'll have changed again, and again in a week after that. In what will seem like a long time to you, but will actually be no time at all when you look back, he'll be more settled, feeding better, interacting more.

I remember when ds2 was 3 weeks old I was in despair at how hard things were with bf. We'd had a bad start and ended up back in hospital again at 2 weeks. With ds1 things had been hard as well and I wasn't sure if I could do it all again. Anyway, things totally changed at 4 weeks and it wasn't anything I did really, they just got better on their own. Ds2 is now in a pretty good routine, still exclusively bf, slept from 8pm - 4am last night (!!!! go ds2 !!!) and is smiley, happy and thriving.

At 6 days I think you just need to take it one day at a time, do whatever makes it easiest for you to get through the day and enjoy cuddling your baby as much as possible. Everyone else should be running around to make this possible for you. That should be a law!

mrsmartin1984 Tue 18-Jun-13 14:33:13

My midwife gave me similar advice, and it was rubbish. The kilingon days are hard work but it don't last forever

tiktok Tue 18-Jun-13 14:57:12

Oh my goodness, MrsAmbition, I don't usually diss midwives' advice on here but that is truly terrible sad sad

A baby of just 6 days old is totally normal, feeding all the time and not wanting to be put down......it's not a 'habit' he is in, anymore than breathing is a 'habit'.

Just think of how lovely it is to have a baby who loves and needs you so much. It will not be like this forever. Responding to his needs supports his confidence, increases his sense of security, and builds his brain.

I hope you get a different midwife soon, and one who can help without nipple shields (which can have their drawbacks).

whatshappeninghere Tue 18-Jun-13 16:09:41

Motherhood is a massive adjustment and nothing can prepare you for the relentlessness of it. It takes time to mentally adjust, so be kind to yourself.

BFing is hard in the beginning and does get easier. It sounds like you are doing brilliantly.

You are bound to be the only one he wants as you're the only one he knows. Before you know it he will be wriggling off your lap to find something more interesting than you. Congrats smile

Dackyduddles Tue 18-Jun-13 16:12:29

Yup everything you describe is completely normal, unfortunately up to and including everyone in RL not getting it and here being the only place that does...

Congrats on the baby! Enjoy this bit as its by far the hardest and loveliest parts. Just tell everyone you are taking 3 mths off to catch up on daytime telly. smile

FeegleFion Tue 18-Jun-13 16:47:46

Just let your baby lead. My wee man is 6 months now and I'm still following his lead.

Congratulations and stop giving yourself a hard time.

as an aside, are you Glaswegian?

SunnyL Tue 18-Jun-13 16:58:50

Oh god i feel like i could have written that first post. My LO is 7 days old and i'm just so tired because she wont sleep atnight without suckling me. Last night we tried her with a bottle of expressed milk and she fell fast asleep on DH for almost 3 hours. I could have wept with gratitude. Great to hear from others that things will improve. Will repeat this mantra to myself at 3am when logic fails me.

Mrsambition Tue 18-Jun-13 17:35:31

Ahhh I could cry am so relieved!! Your all amazing, thank you! I had what I considered a good night last night & when the MW said that it crushed me.

NeedlesC thanks for recommending that site, it really Is helpful smile

Had lots of visitors today who just don't realise what it's like. They sat for hours waiting for a cuddle even though he was feeding/sucking. They just didn't get it! Although in saying that I was very great full for the adult interaction!

Well so far today he's been off me for a total of an hr! My nips are killing me but am feeling more positive from what you have ALL said. (you are a lovely bunch)

Trying to figure out ways to cure the pain, get more mobile & sort out my diet as its very repetative at the min as I don't want to upset him in anyway.

A lot happier, just needed a little boost of confidence smilesmile

Mrsambition Tue 18-Jun-13 17:37:29

Oh Feegle, I am N.irish... We say "Wee" all the time smile

bogbean Tue 18-Jun-13 22:16:38

My baby was like this too and I stressed about it in the beginning but as the discomfort started to subside (and the hormones died down) I began to enjoy the snuggles.

8 weeks on my boy is becoming more and more independent by day, although he still feeds frequently and seeka comfort from my breast. Today he got his jabs and I loved being able to sooth him better by letting him suckle.

My HV warned against letting him "use" me as a dummy... But I have chosen to ignore her and let him use me as much as he likes. He will eventually gain the confidence and skills to sooth himself and I'm not keen on pushing him on to the next stage prematurely. I may not have another child and I want to enjoy this special closeness.

By the way, when I was on day 6 I was a stressed out mess and very anxious - this was all baby blues and suddenly dissappeared around day 12. Everything felt a lot better after that!

Enjoy your new baby

NeedlesCuties Wed 19-Jun-13 15:34:19

MrsA I'm N. Irish too! There's a few Le Leche League meetings scattered around the 6 counties, have a wee nosey here breastfeedinggroups

Hope that link works! blush

I go to one of the groups (DC2 is 10 months old) and I really wish I'd have known about them when my first born was born. Advice is superb, and the craic is mighty too... plus there's buns!

PM me if you need more local support, over my almost-4-years as a breastfeeding mum I've learnt a thing or two.

geekette Wed 19-Jun-13 15:46:15

Your maternal instinct has kicked I beautifully. You should be proud and feed your baby. They'll not need you soon enough.

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