Extended BF (DD nearly 4). HV/Doc saying this 'babying' is adversely affecting behaviour....not sure what to do for the best. Advice welcomed - NOT judging - thanks

(29 Posts)
EggsOvaryZee Fri 01-Feb-13 13:50:26

Have a very challenging DD. She would still come into bed in the AM for a bit of 'booby'. Occassionally she'd miss it (if I was laready int he shower since she'd slept in for example) but normally that was our time in the AM for a cuddle.
Now, her behaviour has always been difficult. She is very verbal, demanding etc...

Anyhow, speaking to my HV and doc (I'm about to embark on a Triple P course to see if I can get some ideas on how to cope with her - all our strategies aren't working) - they both seem to think that by me still 'allowing' this, I am sending her/giving her confused mixed messages about being both a baby and a big girl...

I agree it's not always convenient, when I'm trying to get showered etc...but also, I really know that she cherishes it as a 'special' time.

We have discussed before with me saying maybe when she's 4, she won't want it...but she doesn't seem keen to give up.

I actually want to do what's best for her - I guess I wouldn't mind stopping so we can get out earlier in the AM's but she's not really liking the idea that we could still have a 'cuddle' in the mornings in my bed and that it doesn't have to involve BF...even though she knows her older brother (5) doesn't have 'booby' - and stopped when he was 1..!

Yesterday, i tried to have a 'conversation' about it - big girl, doesn't need it, we can still have cuddles, mummy needs to get up and ready for work etc...and she was OK for 5 mins but then we had such a hoo-ha this AM over it...she hasn't had it for 2 days but I'm unsure now how to proceed.

Do I stick with it though it is clearly upsetting to her? Do I go back on what I've said - surely that won't be good?

Anyone been there/done that?!
HELP!
Thanks

AngelDog Fri 01-Feb-13 23:39:22

Great advice.

FWIW, I think a nearly 4 y.o. is both a baby AND a big girl.

Charleymouse Mon 04-Feb-13 11:22:25

EggsOvaryZee hope you are getting on okay.

ishchel Mon 04-Feb-13 12:06:49

My 4yo (and 4 mos) still breastfeeds. She would also still feed through the night now if I let her. She is also very verbal from very young and while this may make her sound more able, she is still just 4yo with very limited life experiences. I cannot see how sitting down and discussing breastfeeding boundaries with her can make her understand that you want to change the boundaries and have her abide by them.

I have set boundaries by doing like you suggested, (getting up earlier) and insisting on nursing manners at when she is not polite about asking. Sometimes I discourage her for my own selfish reasons and I work on a flexible basis on whether I change my mind or not. She was nearly 4 before she gave up night feeds, still wakes up nearly every night looking for me but I think that is because she is still little and not because I am babying her. Being so verbal and in many ways more perceptive than my older one was at the same age must be a scarier thing for her. She needs that contact at night more than the older one needed it at the same age.

I am reluctant to wean her myself because there are times when it still works as a parenting tool for me and her. Some days she goes two days without milk some days she has it 2x a day some days once. I don't think this confuses her, I think it is a way of weaning her off slowly. Weaning is not a linear process in my experience.

EggsOvaryZee Mon 04-Feb-13 16:09:23

You lot have been ace. Thanks so much.

On Sat, back to BF - no explanations, all fine...nothing needed. but, come Sun, she was too interested in playing with her brother at 6am to ask for it, and I was already up n showered this AM, so no time, but she didn't kick off either.
Cheers all...grin

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now