Extended Looks like my 3yr 3month ds2 has stopped bf. Feeling a bit sad - but proud

(34 Posts)

I havent fed him since monday morning sad This is the longest he's gone without a bf. He's missed the odd feed here and there either if I've been out or he's forgotten. But if he's missed a night time one he will have had a morning one. He has only been having one before bed and one in the morning since he was about 2 - I think, I can't really remember.

Dh has been wanting him to stop breast feeding for a while now, maybe a year.

Hi, well this morning ds2 asked for milky but he really wasn't that distressed when I said it was all gone. So I didn't feed him.
And this evening as we came down for stories and what used to be milky time he said 'Milkys broken' and I said yes ds2 and made a sad face. Then he had stories and went to bed beautifully . Dh was out with the kids and for a second I thought "ooh I can feed him - nobody's here..! " but I didn't . Ds2 wasn't even really upset it would have been silly if I had. Gosh as I'm writing this my boobs are tingling :-/
I think dh knows how I feel about his attitude .... I've been telling him for a year that he needed to stop going on about how ds2 needed to stop milky - and for a while he did stop saying it. It just sort of started happening again. I don't want to keep having an argument about it . And when I talk about it , I feel upset .

I'm hoping that I've turned a corner with how I feel though. I am feeling more positive and less sad and teary.
Reading your messages in really helping . X

Satine5 Mon 21-Jan-13 15:28:23

Garlic, Your thread has actually made me cry. I must be feeling particularly hormonal.
I also BF my DD who is 18 and as much as I want her to self wean, she is very firmly attached and I doubt she will consider it before 3 or later. My DH is supportive, I would say very supportive, but not sure if he is going to be when DD is older. She still doesn't sleep through and DH thinks it's because she is BF and has a very strong boob/sleep association. To the point that her word for milk is the same as her word for sleep!
Your thread has really hit home with me-I am not sure wether it is because it reassured me that it's ok to feed way into toddler years (I don't know anyone who does, and come from FF family, so does DH) or whether your weaning story was so sad, clearly not what you wanted to happen and I feel for you.

I am sorry that I have no advice, just wanted to send you hugs and thank you for sharing your story. sad

Thewhingingdefective Mon 21-Jan-13 16:16:39

Another one here, blubbing.

I hope it's getting easier for both you and your DS, garlic. Sorry that the end came before you were both ready though.

Thanks for your messages Satine and winged. I am feeling less sad about it and I haven't cried since the weekend. Ds2 was asking for it yesterday eve but the difference is, before , when he was feeding , there would be no way I could calm him and not feed him, but last night I did. He went to sleep happily after a little chat and a cuddle about what he'd done that day.
He asked again this morning but it was as if he knew he wasn't going to get is as he was asking iykwim.

I'm sorry this has made you cry hmm But if it has helped in anyway then it's also a good thing.
You said you don't know anyone else that has fed this far- well I don't/didn't either. I was alone! The only one! By about 2 years!!! My friends were all totally cool with it though. smile
I loved loved breastfeeding and so did ds2.

Satine5 Tue 22-Jan-13 14:38:48

Garlic, it's great to hear that you are feeling more positive about it. Can I just ask you what was your experience of sleep/bf association with your DS?
I am a bit worried that my DD entered a phase when there is no way she will fall asleep without sucking if I am around. On occassions in the past, she was able to fall asleep after a feed, but in my arms but that phase is gone. She needs to have my nipple in my mouth to sleep and although most of the time I don't mind, I would like to have a choice, but she gets so tantrum-y and hysterical, I started to worry a bit and just get on with it for her/my own peace at bedtime.

Hi Satine5 . ds2 used to always fall asleep whilst feeding - as a very young baby. Then at around 4-6 months I did the pat/shush nap method to try and get him to sleep without being fed. This worked for naps but he still fell asleep at night time during a breast feed. Gradually as he got older he would not fall asleep during his milk ( unless i fed him for ages till late...!) so we started to take him up awake. We were amazed when he first went to sleep ( at night time) from being awake. shock So pretty much for the last year, most nights he went up to bed awake . After milk and stories. Unless he was incredibly tired and then he'd fall asleep during milk.
He definitely associated night time ( and morning) with having milk . But in the end not actually physically falling asleep with milk . ( is this making sense?!)
About a year ago he had started to become interested in stories AS WELL as milk - as apposed to his only goal at bedtime being MILK!! He would feed - sometimes very quickly on both sides , and then say he was finished. It was as if he wanted it as that was his routine but sometimes it was almost like it was a cursory 'ill do this as its the routine' feed. And If he didn't remember to have both sides he'd get upset when he went to bed and then remembered! Funny little thing! Xxx
He asked again tonight btw but we just had stories and chatted about his teddies envy

Satine5 Thu 24-Jan-13 15:12:53

Hi Garlic, sounds like my DD is a bit different, she is s 'sucker' still and I wonder whether I should have done something about it earlier on. She started throwing almighty tantrums if I try shush/pat or just cuddle instead of falling asleep with a boob in her mouth.
However, she was such a poorly baby with silent reflux and a comfort feeder, she still has gastric issues and it brings her comfort. I think I am going to stick with what we know and try to change routine when she gets more teeth (she is a very late teether and I expect that's also why she is such an adamant comfort sucker.
I may start a thread to ask other extended bf mums about their experience. I have no one to talk to about this and it feels lonely!! xx

TomDudgeon Thu 24-Jan-13 15:57:21

Glad it's going ok
It might not have been the best thing but is happened in a good way
I felt the need to write it down at the time too. Talking does help
(Tame under a change)

Thanks all smile Yes start a thread , it might help x
We're nearly at the end of the second week. He's still asking every morning and every night. But he's not crying when we explain its all gone. He has tried to get into 'position' a few times which was hard but I just distracted him. He'd jump at the chance to feed if he could :-/
But I'm thinking positive and forward .

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