Mumsnet Talk

Jeez, scottishmummy - slingmeets do often just contain parents wanting to try out/learn how to tie slings you know!

I went to sling meets and bf groups for 18 months and yes there are some evangelical bores there but mostly I met some great friends. We did talk about lots of things, not just babies and mens arses

The thing is Ephiny she doesn't seem that bothered that people are falling out with her over it and turns it round to them 'attacking' her pro-BF stance. She doesn't see herself as the agitator at all so it's hard to know what to say.

You are right that it's pointless engaging with people who are so evangelical. I'm hoping that she'll just get over it but it's so hard being in the middle and I hate arguing with people who are so hardline and not open to other sides of the argument. It's tiring.

OP, sounds like we might have a mutual friend, or at least v similar ones. I deleted her from my FB friends and don't see her that often (1

OP, sounds like we might have a mutual friend, or at least v similar ones. I deleted her from my FB friends and don't see her that often (2 or 3 times a year). Daily anti-formula/ pro-extended bf FB updates were getting a bit annoying, particularly when she told ne it was OK for me going back to work and leaving my children, but she couldn't because she needed to bf her nearly-three yo. I have no opinion on how anyone feeds their DC or how long for, but don't make it about me!

Deckthe halls I was FF and have a first in history from an RG uni and an MA and am also rather slim of build. I hate the guilt inducing FF babies will be thick/overweight argument.

I would just tell her straight. If she is truly a close friend, she will have to work at your friendship too.

DH had a friend like this. She went on and in when she saw me FF DS1, didn't ask why. I cried all the way home. I have absolutely no time for people like this.

She sounds awful to be honest. To go to these lengths with the FB updates and sending you research links, I think there must be something missing from her life if she can't just enjoy her own choices and feels the need to berate others.

That is not endearing behaviour. I couldn;t be arsed with it and would probably ditch her or at least see her a lot less often and say to her that I really don't want to talk about it as I couldn't give a frigg how anyone else chooses to feed their child.

I am in a bf support group and we just support each other through the difficulties of Bf - nothing wrong with that. We have mums who mix feed there too and a very dim view would be taken by the leader of the group if anyone was critical of others' choices like that.

direct her to the lactavist type meets they love al that formula is poison stuff
if she wants to be a mummy goddess thats her choice
its your choice to ignore i know i would

DS2 was not able to be BF due to a medical condition that he had. I sucessfully BF DS1 and DS3.

He had to have precription formula as he also, due to the same medical condition, could not have off the shelf formula, otherwise he would have died.

What would this silly cow friend say to this? Is she really that militant? If so, drop her.

FB is heaven for these types. It gives them a platform to air their views and enables them to say mean things to others without a risk of a smack in the mouth.

I have seen a few. They don't talk about anything else apart from tcc, being pregnant, the birth, breastfeeeding...and then it all starts all over again...for YEARS!

ugh.

I have five DCs and bf 4 of them. I post photos and talk about them etc. But some people just make it into their entire life.

Like they are the Only.Woman.To.Have.Given.Birth

EVER

couscous I think BF support groups are great and have friends who have been when they have had problems with latch etc.

Support is one thing but self righteous evangelism is quite another and asking for support is not the same as forcing your views on others. I never asked for advice re mix feeding. Just mentioned that I planned on doing it in the new year to help my transition back to work and got a load of unsolicited BF info/ 'advice'.

I really wish women could support each other's choices more instead of the endless BF vs FF/ Cloth nappy vs disposables/ BLW vs spoon feeding/ co-sleeping vs own room/ SAHM vs working mum. Horses for courses and all that. Motherhood is not a competition.

god yes fb and forums like mn give the bf zealots a place to preach from
shuffle the play list cause no one except like-minded mummy bores,actually cares
but for a vociferous minority its chance to drone on and try take assumed moral high ground

You wouldnt want her for a MIL by the sounds of it.

Tell your friend there is more to being a mother than BF/co-sleeping/cloth nappy wearing baby.
She has'nt a clue what is ahead of her.
I used cloth nappies because that was all that was available then.If disposables had been around then I certainly would have used them.I failed to breastfeed and am not ashamed of it.As for co-sleeping-it never entered my head.
Your friend is ignorant.

Welovecouscous - I was about to post the same about my BF support group, run by an angel nana-type lady. Totally non-judgey, supportive and full of people who are looking to give/get peer to peer support.

As I said before, I think the OP's friend sounds awful but, BF support groups are not all full of zealots. In fact, it's one of the only places I do talk to people about BF as I wouldn't raise it at other baby groups in case I came across as a BF nazi.

She sound's an utter pain and in need of telling to cool it, however she probably won't listen.

Our GF following mum only calmed down when she got a much more child friendly boss and calmed down about everything.

Motherhood can bring the worst out in people, time and subsequent less compliant DCs are are the only cure.

I'm very evangelical about extended BFing on here, but I wouldn't preach in real life to a Mum having difficulties BFing.

To a PG woman unwilling to try or someone saying BFing past age X is wrong I probably wouldn't mince my words, but to everyone regardless of their experiences, is crass.

you have no right to tell a pg woman who wont try bf what you think of that
the only permissible time is ok to raise is a hcp, gp advising it professionally
its galling you think its ok to not mince your words.how bumptious

Fluffy

She doesn't sound very diplomatic does she

Maybe suggest she channel her energies into something positive, like writing to her MP, supporting one or more of the BF voluntary organisations etc.

BF groups are certainly not full of zealots I've been to loads over the years and met all sorts of mothers (many mixed feeding) and no one has ever said that formula is poison.

anyone who cares how someone else feeds their baby is a twat. It's that simple.

Breastmilk, formula, as long as the baby gets fed who gives a shit. There really isn't all that much difference in the western world, no, really there isn't, and normal people really don't care. And in two years time or however long before a baby stops drinking from a boob or a bottle it won't actually matter anyway. And the baby won't care.

As long as people are happy with their individual choices it's nobody's business, and anyone who has the time and inclination to get evangelical about it really ought to get out more.

Scottish, you are criticising people for not mincing their words?

startail would you really have a go at a pg women re her feeding choices? really? if, as you say, someone questioned your choice to extended bf, fair enough, stick up for yourself but i don't get this need to preach.

ive never bragged i wouldn't mince words berating pg woman for not trying bf
hcp,gp can legitimately discuss feeding mode.but ultimately respect mum choice
me yakking on mn is incomparable to berating a pg woman about choice to not bf