gender disappointment - anyone else?

(81 Posts)
honeymoonmum Fri 27-Aug-10 21:06:42

So obviously I am delighted my baby is healthy, beautiful, safe.........

I was convinced it was a girl and I now have two boys. I have a horrible empty feeling in my stomach.

Anyone else feel robbed?

I feel spoilt and ungrateful; but just so wanted a daughter

Scoutish Wed 16-Oct-13 08:22:26

Sorry getting used to a new phone.
Like u I think babies are little people who create there own destinies what ever their gender.
X

Scoutish Wed 16-Oct-13 08:20:23

What an absolutely great way of looking at this not so big problem!! Like u I think that they are little pe

Amy106 Sat 01-Jun-13 22:16:00

I had a similar experience. Thought we were having a girl, but ended up with a boy. You feel surprised, maybe disappointed at first...it's only natural. But boys are truly wonderful and I am sure glad we have ds. I know you will love having two little guys in your life. Just give yourself some time to adjust to the change.

amazingmumof6 Sat 01-Jun-13 17:45:37

sorry you feels this way.
when DS3 was born I was feeling disappointed for about 3 days as in the very last week of pg I was really hoping to have girl.
then we agreed on his name and everything fell into place and our third baby boy properly arrived.
I did wonder afterwards why I ever felt disappointed! smile

during 4th pg all I knew that if it's a boy he should be called Noah, which is what happened!
I did not wish for a boy or a girl.

then had MC, a girl.

next pg I was convinced we'd have a girl, but I wasn't hoping for one. I just "knew" it.
this was the only pg we found out the gender and utterly pissed ourselves laughing when we were told it's another boy . couldn't believe it!
had to call him Isaac...

then with last baby I thought we are more likely to have a boy and that maybe I can't carry girls.
6 boys would have been wonderful.
but DH kept on saying he had a feeling this one would be a girl and he was right!
Biggest surprise ever!

now a lot of people assume we "kept on going till we had a girl" which is ridiculous and insulting. you can't win

if you feel a bit unhappy that is understandable, some people feel disappointed about how the birth went down etc.
or bad choices or bad luck in general.
you can grieve for the little girl you now will never have, but and your crazy afterbirth hormones are not going to be helpful right now,
BUT JUST YOU WAIT until he first smiles at you!
you will fall in love with him for who he is, I guarantee that! smile
give yourself time and congratulations!

Jenijena Wed 01-May-13 19:59:44

I didn't know, because I knew if I had a boy I would be disappointed; that DH would be even more disappointed. I'm from two girls, the brother relationships I see (DH & BIL, Dad & uncle) are dysfunctional, and because mums of boys are a bit... odd as mil. grossly unfair generalisation based on personal anecdotes

A second at birth of 'oh - a willy' and now I adore being a mum of a boy, I'm thrilled for other people when they have boys, and I don't care a jot.

But #2... If, when that happens... I know DH wants that girl, but I've reconciled myself to being a mother of boys I'm going to be the mil in the future and would I try for a third?

Hyperhelpmum Wed 01-May-13 19:50:18

How funny this is still going! I am OP! I do adore my sons and in fact am pregnant again and could not care less what I have! I always thought I wanted a girl but now as a seasoned mother of two I am over the moon with my children who are total individuals and, the thing I had not experienced when they were 2 and newborn (they are now nearly three and five) they are amazing, loving people. When you have babies you can't imagine the people they will be. Once they are people, gender is irrelevant. They are unique personalities and if I have a third boy, I will look forward to seeing his personality develop as he grows. Once you have a relationship with your child, it does not matter one bit what gender they are. So speaks the voice of experience!

honey86 Sat 09-Feb-13 21:22:03

i was like that when i had my 2nd son, i was depressed... we hardly bonded.... but then i went on to have a girl whos nearly school age now x

Harrysmummysarah1 Sat 12-Jan-13 20:14:23

I had two girls then a boy..
I was one of three girls and we get along wonderfully and wanted nothing more than my daughters to expierence that as well
But now i couldn't imagine my 3rd being a girl his a delight... Most of the time...

pinkandyellowbutterfly Thu 27-Dec-12 23:48:06

Congratulations on the birth of your son! Be gentle with yourself - having a baby is such a complex experience, and you're allowed to have all kinds of feelings about it. Congratulate yourself, you have just given birth and above all, enjoy enjoy enjoy your children :-)

shoobidoo Sun 16-Dec-12 07:44:30

I've not read all the posts but just wanted to say that a lot of families would like to have the experience of raising both a male and a female.
That is not so say they are not grateful to have a baby, only that the experiences of raising boys and girls can be different and most families would prefer to share both.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sat 08-Dec-12 13:42:33

Not me personally but we had a sexing scan with this DC, and DP was disappointed. (Another DS)

I was thrilled as I cant imagine having a girl, I cant say id of been disappointed though, as I'm just grateful to be pregnant again (fertility issues)

Babyh200 Sat 08-Dec-12 11:05:49

Thanx FORTY PLUS......although I'm heartbroken there are 2 sides to every coin......some of the mums who are unfortunately part of 'a sad club no one wants to be in' have no children at all xxxx

fortyplus Sat 08-Dec-12 10:56:02

The OP's baby is two now so hopefully she has no regrets about her beautiful son.
Babyh200 you sum it up for me - so sorry about your loss. sad

Babyh200 Sat 08-Dec-12 10:51:51

Give me a clue: I couldn't agree more. My beautiful boy was born asleep in July of this year 5 days before my due date. Instead of being disappointed these women should be grateful they have a LIVE baby. Come into my world for a second and picture our nursery and getting to the final week of your pregnancy with everything ready for a BABY. I didn't find out the sex like so many, I just wanted a live, healthy baby. My little girl cries herself to sleep each night and says this is going to be the worst Christmas ever.........COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS that's what I say!!!

qumquat Wed 05-Dec-12 19:42:56

I think a lot of gender dissapointment can come from gender stereotyping. The gender of your child tells you nothing about what they will be like or what kinds of activities they will enjoy. It tells you nothing about the kind of bond they will have with either parent or siblings. All it tells you is whether they will have the ability to give birth or not.

givemeaclue Tue 04-Dec-12 18:19:35

Find this an awfully sad and horridthread.

Hormonalhell Tue 04-Dec-12 18:17:49

I really wanted a girl but I found out at scan was a boy, was initially disappointed but now I'm almost due to have him and I'm glad he's a boy. Feel like I've bonded with him smile

That's why sometimes good idea to find out the sex

lovechoc Thu 20-Oct-11 13:46:17

probably keeps being updated thread because it's a topic many women feel they want to discuss when it's affecting them.

iloveberries Fri 07-Oct-11 14:07:38

hey honeymoon mum congrats on your lovely boy.

firstly you have nothing to feel guilty about, you cannot help the way you feel and you are doing totally the right thing talking about it rather than bottling it up. You sound besotted with your boys anyway so i think some of the catty posts are totally uncalled for.

i think sleeping so well gave great advice about examining what you want in a girl that a boy can't give is spot on.

i have a DS and have wondered "will i be the grandma who's frozen out?" BUT that is way inthe future and i know LOTS of my girlfriends who get on better with their MILs than their own mums so really if it's a boy or a girl it doesn't guarantee everything,

good luck smile

SheCutOffTheirTails Wed 14-Sep-11 02:24:12

Shit, didn't even notice.

Thumbwitch Wed 14-Sep-11 02:10:55

Wonder why this thread keeps being resurrected?

SheCutOffTheirTails Wed 14-Sep-11 01:36:59

I find gender preference a weird one - when I first got pregnant I had no preference, and never had had, but during that pregnancy I came to really, really want a girl.

It was weird, and I don't know where it came from, but there it was - a strong desire for a girl that reason and logic couldn't shake. I had a girl.

Second time around I had no real preference for most of the pregnancy. Mostly imagined it was another girl, but would have been quite happy either way. In the last few weeks I became convinced I was having a boy, to the point that I did have a fleeting moment's confusion (and a little disappointment) that it was another girl.

I hope to have a 3rd, and for the first time I care in advance. I'd be delighted with another girl, but god I'd love to have a son.

I buy into all the "you're having a person", dislike gender stereotyping, but I care about this far more than I'm willing to own in real life.

OP - having two the same is great, you'll love it smile

just read this - surely the 'bias against boys' is because mn is a predominantly female site and parents often gravitate towards one of their own sex. In real life, I hear far more about men wanting a boy so they can prove how macho their sperm is share their bonding experiences.

I'm ttc and I know I want a girl. Mainly so I can dress her in non-pink, buy her a football and a science kit and praise her intelligence and wit. I expect if I do get a girl, she'll turn into a Jordan wannabe, just to serve me right. But we cannot help what we wish for.

Maya6 Fri 26-Aug-11 21:14:37

Hiya. I have had similar feelings would love a girl but know that I will love either and just want a healthy baby

G1nger Tue 22-Mar-11 16:02:37

Oh children don't have to get damaged by this kind of thing. I'm the fourth daughter of my parents' attempts to produce a son for my dad, and there was a running joke in the family about this. It didn't affect me at all.

I really do want a daughter, too - and I hope that one of my two children will be female. I found out about "nub theory" yesterday and now think that perhaps my first child could be a boy on its basis. Of course, it could go either way. And I'm very excited about maybe producing a little boy "like my partner". Someone to make someone like me very happy too one day

I think it's good that we allow eachother to share their secrets on here and give everyone that little outlet. We shouldn't judge anyone for it. We're all just being honest in this "safe" place.

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