Mumsnet Talk

Just needed a place to vent...

My grandad died in Oct 09. I just can't get over it. We are all a really close family and it was just such a blow, I've never had anyone close to me die before, so i don't know how to react?

He had lung cancer and it spread, which was awful as he didn't smoke or anything. He went downhill fast and it was like he didn't know what was going on around him, seeing things in the room, talking to his mum. Everyone took it in turns to stay over to help my gran at nights, so she could get sleep. I couldn't do it when i was there, i left my mum to do it while i sat downstairs, i couldn't see him like that.

When he died everyone went to see him that night. Even my cousin who is only 8 went to say goodbye, both in the house & funeral home.
I didn't. It feels like the biggest regret of my life.

I miss him.

Hi Ghostsinthesnow. I'm so sorry about your grandad. I haven't got any words of wisdom but I do know how you feel - my grandfather also died in October last year, and I still miss him terribly. I just can't believe that I won't see him again. I find myself wanting to tell him things and having to accept all over again that he's not here any more.

I don't know what to say about the regret you feel. Does it help to remember him when he was well, and to hold onto those memories of him when you feel particularly sad?

I am so sorry for your loss. I know what your going through. I lost my grandad on the 3rd of January after he broke his hip and was to ill for them to put him under aneasthetic to fix it I watched him go from happy laughing and joking to almost an unrecognisable skeleton he also spoke to 'people' he was seeing in the room. Please dont feel guilt about not seeing him. I never went to my grandad the day before he dies (and we knew it was imminent) or at the funeral home as I knew he would not want me to see him like that ever. Its a cliche but time will and does heal, I make myself feel better by talking to him and I feel him around me. That depends on your own beliefs/thoughts but however strange it seems its something that helps me. I havent tried councilling myself but it may be useful for you to help you deal with your frief.

sorry for type-o's

You poor thing, losing someone like that is such a shock to the system and totally takes your breath away. My dad died suddenly 2 years ago and he was the first person i had lost, much the same as you. Some of my people did go and see him in the house and the funeral home, i did not, i did not want the last sight of my darling dad to be dead. Everyone deals in different ways but at least the pictures in your head are happy ones hopefully, try not to regret not seeing him at that point, that was just one moment of the years that you knew him, and i'm sure he would not have wanted you to be upset by that. i still miss my dad every day and cry often about the loss, time doesnt make things better but it does make you cope better. HTH

Thanks for the replies, i think even just this helps, talking about it.

I feel like i can't talk to my family about it, i'm the one who never gets upset, brave face & all that!

We buried his ashes last week, it was just like another funeral...i felt like i couldn't cry?! Everyone else was but i didn't want to show any weakness...if that makes any sense?

fatsatsuma: it does help to think of him in happier times, He was a real joker and he lived for his family.

He sounds like a really lovely man.