I'm just so angry

(23 Posts)
LalyRawr Wed 05-Jun-13 21:55:07

My parents and brother died when I was 14, I am 26 in 2 months time.

I am still SO angry about it.

I'm angry at them for dying. I'm angry a the driver who killed them. I'm angry at old people because my parents or brother never got to be old. I'm angry at everyone older than me who still has their parents. I'm angry at kids sitting their GSCE's because my brother will never do that. I'm angry that I have to ask questions about raising my daughter because I have no mother to ask. I'm angry that I have Foster parents (as bloody wonderful as they are) because I shouldn't fucking need them.

I want my mum. I want my dad and my brother.

I'm just so fucking angry.

It's been 12 years. 12 fucking years.

Will I ever not be angry?

CocktailQueen Wed 05-Jun-13 21:57:40

You poor poor thing. No wonder you're angry. It's all part of the grieving process. Have you seen a counsellor? That may help.
lots of hugs to you.

MadamGazelleIsMyMum Wed 05-Jun-13 21:58:49

No advice or experience but couldn't read and run. What an awful thing to have happened. I think your anger is very understandable. Have you ever considered counselling?

FiaGrace Wed 05-Jun-13 21:59:28

Oh bless you. I'm so so sorry. I know that's no help but I can totally appreciate why you're so angry.

x

ohmeohmyforgotlogin Wed 05-Jun-13 22:01:00

I don't know but didn't want to leave this unanswered. I don't think there are right and wrong emotions with grief. Have you had any opportunity to talk this through with a professional or Cruse?

CaptainJamesTKirk Wed 05-Jun-13 22:04:25

I have no words that could possibly offer you any comfort, but I am so sorry for your loss. To lose one's parents and sibling at such a young age and in such tragic circumstances must be beyond horrendous.

Have you had any counselling? Would some form of therapy help do you think?

Hell, you have every right to be angry. It's not fair. I wish I could offer you some words of comfort, but I don't actually think we have them in English. Our language is flawed.

LalyRawr Wed 05-Jun-13 22:06:00

Thank you, I saw a counselling once as part of my fostering. He seemed to just want to shove me into the 'angry teenager' box and I never felt like he actually listened. Have never tried it as an adult, was put off.

I'm normally okay, it's just that the anger is always kind of bubbling under the surface and sometimes it just overflows. Like tonight, this is stupid but I was watching that Love and Marriage and the woman's dad died, and it pissed me off because she was old! How dare she be upset that her dad died, she's in her sixties. Which is, of course, stupid and unfair, but it just made me cry and made me angry.

Why did my dad have to die? Why couldn't I be 60?

I'm sorry, this sounds really childish written down, but I just can't get over it.

MadamGazelleIsMyMum Wed 05-Jun-13 22:10:33

If it might help, then keep writing it down. It doesn't sound childish at all.

CaptainJamesTKirk Wed 05-Jun-13 22:10:50

It really doesn't sound childish... It sounds completely understandable. I think talking through your grief, feelings of anger, despair with a specialist in bereavement counselling might help you. I don't know how it works, whether you could be referred to one from your GP or whether you will need to find it yourself, but it may help.

CherylTrole Wed 05-Jun-13 22:14:01

I can identify with the angry feelings you have. Sorry I have no answers.

It doesn't sound childish, it sounds heartfelt. If this anger is holding you back or hurting you, then I think you owe it to yourself to explore ways that might make it more bearable. That said, being angry at being denied your family sounds entirely justified to me. Shout, scream and kick shit if it helps at all.

shallweshop Wed 05-Jun-13 22:18:37

I can understand why you feel so angry. It is a normal part of grief and I have felt it too having lost my mum and dad. The big difference is that my parents died when they were 74 and 84 respectively and I am in my 40's - you have been dealt a very cruel hand and it is not surprising that you still feel so angry about it. I do think that trying again with the counselling route would be a good idea.

blingitback Wed 05-Jun-13 22:20:37

It's normal.
We are angry when something really bad happens out of our control.. Part trauma and part grieving.
It's so unfair and so final when sudden death happens.
I lost a family member suddenly and I was really angry at old people... Especially stupid ignorant ones compared to my intelligent gentle father.
I m so sorry and recommend trauma therapy as well as proper psychologist based input.

LalyRawr Wed 05-Jun-13 22:25:38

I think I would find it difficult to talk to my GP. Whenever I start talking about them I cry. I try talking to DD about them, she's only 15 months but I want her to know about them. But when I do, I just cry and then she gets upset and hugs me and pats my back and that just makes me feel worse.

That's another thing I'm angry about. That Dd will never know them. My parents would have loved her, my brother would have been besotted with her. I can totally imagine her having him wrapped around her little finger.

It's just...not fair. You hear stories of shit parents every day and nothing ever happens. My parents were good parents. The best. Why did they have to go? Why couldn't the shit ones die?

Horsemad Wed 05-Jun-13 23:05:06

Please contact Cruse, they offe bereavement counselling and you may find it more help than your last counselling.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't say whether the anger will ever go but I can certainly understand why you feel this way.

Would you like to tell us about your parents and brother?

QOD Wed 05-Jun-13 23:11:41

sad

telsa Thu 06-Jun-13 08:42:45

I understand your anger. Life is cruel. Some of us get hit so much harder and it seems so unfair. That is life's randomness. I suppose all I can say is that these experiences make us who we are. We have only one life each and we have to integrate what happened and make it part of ourselves. I do think that talking about it...to counsellors, online, to friends, to anyone, can help us emotionally. and it is not wrong to feel a kind of envy of others who only lose loved ones when old. We should shout and scream at the world, for what could have been. But you should also communicate to your DD all that you recall of your past as that is the heritage she will take forward and she will love to hear about it as she gets older. Mine do.

Oh Laly - I totally understand why you are so angry!!! I was thinking about this on the way to work today, some people seem to skip though life in a happy little bubble and some go through such awful stuff.

I was thinking this because DH as lost his mum, dad and now his bro.......I was thinking he is too young at 44 to be going through this but for you to lose them at that age....horrendous!!!

My mum died when I was 39 and she was 72 and I was bloody angry - bitter when I see an old lady thinking why didn't she get that old etc etc......I think regardless of age it's all awful. nI used to think my grief topped everyone elses, it took me a couple of years to allow other people to grieve for their lost ones.

I so agree with your last paragraph, it's always the way.

Tell us about your parents and your brother - would it help you to talk to us about them?

FiftyShadesofGreyMatter Thu 06-Jun-13 10:02:57

I am in tears reading your post. My Mum died when I was 24 and I had just become a mother myself. I am now 52 and I'm not over it. I don't know what to tell you except to say you are not alone in feeling this way ((((((((((LalyRawr ))))))))))

I can only offer sympathy - how horribly unfair life can be. My DH at 45 has just lost his Dad who was 79. Everyone is very sad. My Mum died when I was 24 - she was 55. In no way does this compare to your awful situation. I do think that you ought to pursue councelling. I never did, but then I didn't feel so angry as you (understandably do). You need to live your life, and to do that you need to come to terms with what happened. Maybe others will have better advice, but you need to talk to people, professionals, in RL about this.

((()))

This is terrible. I am so sorry that this happened to you.

I think anger is normal and okay. You are entitled to be angry: it's a fucking awful thing to have happened.

I know it's cold comfort, but I am thinking of you and wish you all the luck in the world to live a long and happy life in spite of this terrible thing.

blingitback Fri 07-Jun-13 00:46:15

The intensity of the anger and distress is in proportion( often) to the amount of loss and closeness to those who died

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