Anniversary ideas after death of a child

(5 Posts)
looseleaf Mon 20-May-13 20:09:14

Hello
I've got special friends who lost a very very loved child and it's coming up to the first anniversary.

I will of course write a card and words seem inadequate but I just wish I could do something sad.

Is there anything I can do to show how much I feel their hurt? we talk a lot and they are open about feelings but it is just unbearably hard really.

I wondered about a necklace with their DC's names but it would be easy to spend a lot of money on something that wasn't 'right' as it's quite personal (money is tight but I wouldn't even care if i chose something that would be valued).

Should we ring on the anniversary or just a card? Are flowers helpful or just sad too as don't last? Feeling inadequate but I guess I can express this

everlong Mon 20-May-13 22:20:00

What a lovely lovely friend you are. I can't tell you how much your friends will appreciate your kindness and understanding.

Remembering your friends child is the most important issue here. That matters the most. A card with lovely words is wonderful too.

Personally I would have loved a necklace with my late sons name on but I don't know your friend and can't speak for her. But I'm sure you will get it right whatever you decide.

Some people release balloons or lanterns after a nice meal or a walk.

I wouldn't send flowers tbh. They were a bit of a trigger that reminded me of the funeral.

I'm glad your friend has you flowers

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JojoMags Tue 21-May-13 17:18:03

Not flowers, unless something small, informal and picked from your garden. Not jewellery. Too dependent on personal taste. My DS died three years ago. On the first anniversary of his death some friends gave us a little flowering cherry tree and on his birthday some other friends (great minds obviously thinking alike) got us an apple tree. It was a perfect gesture - something living and beautiful, a symbol of hope. We still have both trees and the cherry flowers on around the anniversary of E's death. The cherry tree is in a large pot, so fine if not much garden.

If they have no outside space, and you can afford it and feel it would be appropriate, maybe you could personally sponsor a child abroad, tell them you want to do it in memory of their little one.

On the jewellery theme, I got a necklace after E died and DH a silver wristband. My necklace has a swift and a ruby on it and DH had the swift engraved inside his wristband. We bought them together from a beautiful artisan's shop near where we scattered his ashes. We wear them everyday, and its like always taking him with us through life. The symbolism is so important but also very personal. It's not something you can do for your friend, but maybe you could suggest it and/or offer to go shopping with her (it doesn't have to be on the anniversary).

She is lucky to have you. You sound like a lovely friend.

looseleaf Wed 22-May-13 11:51:04

Thank you, this is so helpful and am very grateful. I wish I could get a tree as did think of that but they may be moving. Sponsoring a child is a lovely idea. And I love the idea of wild flowers. I think I'll leave the necklace unless I manage to run it past a mutual friend.
If only it wasn't so hard

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