great. thanks. I will try both approaches. Hopefully he will settle soon.

His fear is irrational but genuine, so something new is something scary. And it's all about power too. I'd say just take his stuff along to whatever it is, but give him the power back. Be relaxed to the point of not caring and say he doesn't have to join in, but you'll just go and see. So with the swimming I'd leave his stuff at school, but tell him he doesn't have to do it if he chooses not to. With the football I'd take a book and sit and be boring and let him go over and join in if he wants to. Basically let him feel in control rather than pushed into it (I know you're not doing this, but that's how it feels to them). It works here - well so far at least..

Oh god, you are going through it .

We had a similar experience with my step son a couple of years ago. We would make plans as a family then when the day came he woiuld insist he didn't want to go to the place or do the planned activity. In the end we stopped telling him what we were doing, or would plan things we knew he would enjoy but again not tell him. We would just go to the place or take him to the activity. We thought that he was actually getting stressed and fretting about activities, even though he was not showing any signs of worry. We decided it was best not let on in the first place. If he asked what we were doing today or where we were going we were vague and said we didn't really have any fixed plans. we would then turn up and say "oh look it's football practice, isn't it lucky we hadn't taken your kit out of the car" or soemthing along those lines. I know it is being dishonest but it did stop him worrying, and he really enjoyed the activity. I don't know if this is helpful, but step son did settle down after a while and now he is 10 and is more confident

I dont know what to do with my eldest son age 6 now. He gets really excited about things and then when the time comes to do them he refuses and throws a tantrum! then if and when he finally does the said thing he loves it!

some examples...
He asked father christmas for a guitar last year which he got. I arranged guitar lessons but after the first one he didnt want to go anymore, even though he was doing fantastically and his teacher was amazed at his progress and grasp of playing.

School is offering swimming lessons, I asked if he wanted to do them. He said yes and was very enthusiastic. so I paid for the lessons and the day before I said 'great swimming tomorrow' and his response was 'dont want to go', I didnt push it further and the next morning packed his swimming stuff and we went to school, he dragged his feet, literally and by this stage i was getting angry but didnt show it. then i get a call from the school saying I didnt send his stuff!!

Football, i ask if he wants to go he says yes, all his friends are playing, we get there and he clings and refuses to play crying and kicking up a huge fuss. finally we persude him to play and he loves it!! I can see on his face that he is extatic, grinning and jumping around. next time same story doesnt want to do it!

WHAT CAN I DO! I dont want to promise him things to get him to take part, I dont want him not to take part. I just dont know what to do! We have discussed consequences, and usually I land up taking away lots of privelages unless he at least tries, and then once he does he loves it. but i hate doing that, and it seems to be a visious circle now.