DD hates other babies - she'll grow out of it, won't she?

[pooka]

Sorry - this is LONG!

My dd is 15 months old. Is very sociable and smiley with adults and big boys and girls, but show her a baby under the age of 2ish and she whimpers. Clings on, and freezes or jumps into my arms if they come anywhere near her. She's been like this since she was fairly little- certainly when she could crawl at about 8 months, never approaches over babies. We meet up at least weekly with a large group of friends with babies of the same age, and the others seem to be relatively unconcerned about the usual poking and prodding/rough and tumble that goes on, while dd positively cowers. I think dd is fab, but I do worry that she's going to be stuck on the sidelines rather than playing with other children of her age. I work part-time and my mother looks after her when I work, so she doesn't mix all the time with other babies. IS this reticence something she'll grow out of. I do sympathise with her - DH and I are quite outgoing, but I can see that babies of this age are unpredictable, don't necessarily give positive signals, may invade personal space etc. While I'm pretty outgoing now, when I was little I was probably classed as shy with peers (fine with adults) and while I'm fine now, I can't bear the idea of her feeling lonely or left out of the crowd when she's older. Any advice or reassurance would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks

[muddaofsuburbia]

Hi Pooka (you're not named after the band are you?)

I have 2 yr old ds who is still a little jumpy at things, but I know the triggers. He's always been very cautious around hyper-confident in your face babies, to the point where he'll limpet himself onto my legs and not let go. He's not into physical contact from other little ones unless it's a cuddle and then he'll reciprocate. Ironically he towers over all the other babies in our social circle and seems to be intimidated by the smaller ones - odd. Otherwise raucous adult laughter sets him off every time. But he's getting better the more time he spends with noisy people. Now he can communicate better, he'll tell me what's bothered him or who. A large gathering would still freak him - mainly if he's the first to arrive and suddenly others "invade".

With your dd, could you arrange a play session with just one little person and their parent and make sure you're on the floor with them too. She certainly won't play with other babies at this age, probably not for another year or so, but she might just learn to tolerate them if she's weaned onto them slowly. Maybe you could play with the other baby and see if your dd comes to see what you're up to?

It's a difficult one - it will get better and you'll get used to what you can do to reassure her.

[pooka]

Thanks for your advice. I was actually wondering whether large groups are a bit over-whelming. The meetings can certainly get rather loud! I think I'll try and arrange a one to one, or two to two or two (make sense of that, if you will!) with some of the less in-you-face babies (and their mums).

Not named after the band. It's a long storey - university nickname

[prefernot]

My dd's 2 now and has always been fairly similar to yours. She's incredibly chatty and almost a bit of a 'show-off' with adults and is very sweet and friendly with kids over 5. It's almost as though the 'unpredictability' of other small children freaks her out I think. She's a very chatty child and doesn't seem to understand that other children aren't interested in trying to understand what she's trying to say. Also agree with muddaofsub in that I find that she responds MUCH better to another small child if it's just she and they.

Are you thinking of nursery at any point? We are and I must confess it's this kind of worry that leaves me uncertain about whether or not it'll be good for her.

[pooka]

I'm not really thinking of her going to nursery before she's 3. I'm hoping that by then she'll be more sociable with other babies. Really don't want to push it too much at the moment. Will keep on with the mum's gettogethers, also introducing occasional more intimate soirees! I just KNOW that she'd find a nursery environment very difficult now, and probably for a while to come. Thanks heavens I'm blessed with my mother living nearby and being newly retired; otherwise, I think I would have given up work. It's odd, because I sometimes wonder if deep down I really like her gentleness and "delicate flower" approach to other babies and whether it's something I'm fostering. Ho hum - the dilemmas of parenting

[lovebird]

Hi Pooka,

I am now pregnant awaiting my first child that's why subscribed to mymsnet.com.

I myself was very unsociable baby (I'm Virgo). When I was your baby's age I never liked other babies and prefered to stay with my mom.

I am not from UK myself so where I come from (Scandinavia) our children go to school when they're 6-7 years old and before that we have kindergardens (from any age). Usually parents bring their children to kindergarden at the age of 3 (at the earliest) and I started it at 4.5 as I couldn't cope mixing with others before that age.


Maybe your child is just very normal but not typically English? ))

It's just a joke I think you give your children too early to nurseries and schools, whereas our education is better than UK system.

Regards,
Lovebird

[prefernot]

Oh yes, pooka, I know what you mean. I like the fact my dd is a delicate little thing too, it brings out my protective side big time. But I am trying to help her get a bit 'tougher' too. We went to a friend's at the weekend who has a very boisterous little boy a month younger than dd and he was really ruling the roost and she wasn't trying to assert a single bit of will against him. She wanted to sit in his little car and everytime she tried he'd whip in quick before her and she'd just stand there looking sad.