9 year old constantly pushing boundaries

[Fishmilkshake]

Hi there, my ds has always been a little stormy and temperamental, but lately he seems to be continually pushing at boundaries. This mostly takes the form of ignoring requests to do something/ stop doing something, and then getting angry and insisting that I can't tell him what to do etc. i can see he wants more independence, but he is quite an immature child and this toddler behaviour - screaming and crying when he doesn't get what he wants - just makes me more sure that he isn't ready for any major independence. I have suggested he try to negotiate rather than just ignoring a request if he doesn't agree with it. I know this all sounds very normal but it is ALL THE TIME and I'm just sick of it and wondered if anyone can point me to any good parenting advice. Most of the stuff you find online is concerned with toddlers, but I am finding this age as hard as any and it is having a big impact on the family and on his younger brother, as we are constantly rowing. Thanks.

Ok 8 is hard. Stop rowing .... ignore ... stay calm and in control. Anger breeds anger (i am not saying dont feel angry, just dont show it) Do not get drawn in. .... Say I can see you are angry, well talk when youve calmed down. Then leave them to the temper.

I could've wrote this post myself - no words just a hand to hold

Thanks guys! I guess it is just what everyone goes through.

My 8 year old is stroppy and difficult. I say things like 'well if you won't do as I've asked I'll remember that next time you want me to do xxx' (and I follow through as well). This normally gets her doing it because she is reminded that it is give and take.

Oh, and for whining I say 'I can't hear you'
And for tantrums I send her out of the room and tell her to come back when she has calmed down.