Been potty training since late April

[PottyKnot]

I have been potty training since late April with my 2 and a half year old son.
He still isn't telling me when he needs to go but is remaining dry throughout most days because we/his nursery are routinely putting him onto the potty. The Nursery say he is asking them but he's never asked me nor my mum when she has him.

I think I set him back a bit because we used Pull-ups for a weekend when we went away but he's getting back into the routine with regular trips to the potty/toilet.

Trouble is I am begining to doubt myself and my mum put him into a pull-up the other day because he had a couple of accidents. I really am not sure this is the right thing to do but he is getting to be quite resistant towards the potty at times.

My gut instinct is to keep on and not take a step back because we have come so far.

Am I doing something wrong though? Should he be asking every time by now?

If they are ready to train then they normally do it in a week not months. Sounds like you've just been catching wee rather then actually training. If he becoming resistant to the potty maybe give up for a while and wait till he is asking to use it rather then forcing him.

I was given some fantastic advice re my 3 yr old DD who has been in pants since April. Her choice, she just refused to wear nappies anymore.

We had a phase for the last couple of weeks where she is just going where she wants - refused to use the potty or toilet.

So, in passing (made it seem really not interesting) sort of a by the way conversation I said: "Oh, by the way, from now on where you go and how you go to the loo is your responsibility, its nothing to do with me anymore".

Told her there were pull-ups if she wanted to put them on or the potty, but made it very clear, it was her choice, also said she must put her wet pants in the washer, and go and get clean ones.

Literally, since then as if by magic, she started using the potty and toilet again. I really didn't think it would work.

But, she is very strong willed, and I think making it her choice, not mine was the right thing to do.

Don't know if this is any help at all but it worked for me, I really was sick of house smelling of wee, and scrapping poo of the carpet.

thanks for the responses.

I think I will try to get him more involved in the washing and stuff. I do get him to help clean up and if he goes in the potty we will go and dispose of it together. I am just so loathe to give-up now.

I think my mum has romantic memories of me and my siblings training really quickly without accidents yet most of my peer group's memories/experiences are of there being accidents along the way so it surprises me that would be 'normal' to do it in a week! My mum says I was between 18 months - 2 years.

I guess part of my issue is that if he wets himself then I just get on with it and encourage him to do it in the potty next time rather than resorting to pull-ups. Also I am really going to have to find out why there is such a disparity between what he does with me (Doesn't ask) and supposedly asking at the nursery because it just doesn't ring true.

Actually - I guess what I am asking is have I created this situation by stressing over it? My DS actually fights me quite often. if I ask do you want a wee he will get quite upset, if he sees me moving the potty he will say 'no, I don't want a wee'. There are times when he will go on fine but mostly when he's at home we have to take him by surprise or if he's distracted and plonk him on.

He's been having a few more accidents in nursery too (They even asked me to take him to the GP to check if he had a urine infection - he didn't).

Have I messed up. I feel pretty rubbish about it.

They did used to train earlier but only because of hand washing Terry nappies they used to boil clean them. So a big inventive to get them dry early. But I think you will find they put up with lots of accidents in the process. Even if your mum doesn't remember it.

It's easier to wait till later as they train quiker. They first learn that they are going so say if he can tell you he's done a poo our wee. That's the first step but you can't reliably train until they can tell you they need to go. If you've just been putting him on the potty and catching wee and he still can't tell you after all this time that he need to go then it's not going to work. Epically if he's now resisting sitting on the potty. You could just make him totally refuse, like with food you don't want to makeit into big battle.

They say if you train at 2 they will be having accidents at 4, but if you train at 3 they will be dry in a week. If you want to give it another shot for now then do. But think about going to pullups if he's still refusing after a couple of Weeks.

My eldest potty trained in a week at just over 2 1/2 but she was a girl. I'm trying DS this week but if he's not got it in a week I'll put him back in nappies and Terry again in a few months. He's 2 and 8 months.

Honestly I really understand your frustration. In a way it sounds similar, DD was the perfect potty trained child at nursery but at home different story.

I thought (and still do sometimes - we aren't out of the woods yet) that I must be doing something wrong.

BUT there is alot to be said for waiting til they are ready, I gave up trying with DD and she made the decision herself, took the nappy off and walked all the way home from nursery without it, and then just announced she wasn't wearing them anymore when we got home. I had no idea!! She was exactly 3.6 when she did this. Til then no chance wouldn't even broach the subject.

You aren't doing anything wrong, he will get there, as will my will of iron DD.

Good Luck - don't be hard on yourself please.

I would take a few clear days where you can stay at home, have him in the garden/naked and leave the potty out and stop asking/taking him (this is the important bit).

Get him to drink loads, praise him/reward him when he does use the potty, but don't ask or remind. If at the end of those few days it has clicked and he is using the potty independently then great, if not I would go back to pull ups for a month and try again later.

Potty training really doesn't need to be months of asking/taking them to the potty every 20 minutes. Do a week of intensive training at the start and then they should be away.

I don't think it is necessary to wait really late to train quickly btw, I trained my DS just after 2. They do have some accidents at first, whenever you train, but honestly he is 2.11 now and I can't remember any accidents in the last 6 months.

Thank you.

My mum suggested that if it's not working 'just put him back in nappies' but as we are this far down the line I just think that would be a silly thing to do, particularly as he is seemingly doing so well in Nursery.

RE pull ups - they are just to minimise the peeing on the floor though, so I would still have the resistance and angst about the potty.

I wonder if I should just stop asking altogether, or be leaving him longer and longer rather than routinely asking him?

2.5 is on the young side for training. Does he want to be out of nappies? If he's not asking to go, I'd be tempted to go back to nappies and leave it a while.

In my (limited) experience though, ready doesn't necessarily equal quick. DS2 is coming up 4, and we're only recently at the stage where I'm fairly confident to leave the house without a change of clothes, despite him being "trained" since he turned 3. We consciously waited until we thought he was really ready to train (having caused ourselves no end of trouble by training DS1 too early). And he did get it, and was actually dry at night very quickly. But the occasional daytime accidents just kept happening.

Definitely stop asking. Dedicate a few days to it, keep him half naked and on wipe clean floors and buy a big bag of chocolate buttons as rewards.

I'm with maja00 - I did it in 3 days (2 weeks ago, and only a few accidents since) but only because I started too early 6months ago and we had a horrible time... then I read about indicators they're ready, (good summary here: www.squidoo.com/potty-training-how-to) and we devoted a few days to it, and pow! he's so proud of himself, and that's awesome to see as well. I wonder how I'll go with my next one - I certainly will be aware of making the same initial mistakes!!

I would put him back in nappies and try again in a couple of months time. Potty training is not worth a moment's stress or one load of extra washing.

Agree with others saying wait a while. We tried when dd was about 2 1/2, it was a nightmare. I put her back in nappies until she was three and a bit, we did it in about 3 days and didn't have 1 accident. Just remember they are all different and being in nappies for a little bit longer won't hurt.

I am in the don't stress him
out camp. We trained DS (just 3) last month. I despaired after a few days when he just wouldn't use the potty. Then I started to relax and just told him here is the potty it's up to you where you go whether into his pants or straight into the potty. I also let him run around naked. And as soon as the pressure was off he happily used the potty! We had little plastic men as reward each time he used the potty/loo. He got it within a week. I would give it a week or so without the stressing and if this doesn't work put him back into nappies.

3 isn't a magic number, there are lots of people on here who have problems then. The important thing is readiness, I trained mine easily at 2.4 personality/ slightly older friends at nursery training.

OP I'd put him back in nappies for a couple of months. Or change tack and use bribery to sit him regularly on the potty. I used bribery for ages when we needed to go out for 'tactical' wees. Another possibility is to try reusable training pants that would be less nice to wet.

You haven't messed up though, loads of people go through this. A friend trained her ds before he was ready and he was still pooing his pants a year later

I have decided I'm not going to put him into nappies, we've come too far for that and it would mean all his successes in nursery are for nothing.

I think what's happening is that it's become a battle between me and him and I need to stop asking him all the time. I'm also going to ask my mum not to put him in pull-ups. I think my putting him in pull-ups while we were away has set him back as he was having whole dry days in the nursery.

Hopefully he will start asking soon.

thanks for all the responses.

Potty - have you really come that far? You're saying that it's a battle, and that at home he doesn't ask to use the potty at all. That doesn't sound like a great deal of progress to me.

I do understand the feeling of "I've started, so I'll finish" - I did the same thing with DS1. But it makes so much extra work, and means you're thinking about wee so much of the time. And it's just not fun for either of you! I would really suggest that you set yourself a deadline - maybe a week - to try being relaxed and not using pull-ups, and then at the end evaluate whether you are making any progress, and whether it is actually worth all the effort.

Not read the whole thread so sorry if I'm repeating. I don't know a single family where pull ups have helped, they just seem to lengthen the whole process. 2.5 is on the young side, I really don't think it would be unreasonable to stop potty training for a little while and start again particularly if you put Lo in cloth nappies instead of disposable. The cloth nappies could actually work in your favour as Lo might not like the cold wet feeling

Are you getting out in the garden in this hot weather much? My DS potty trained in similar weather. He wore just a sun hat and sun cream, played outside all day and we left a couple of potties in the garden. I'm sure he wanted to do it because going in he house to use the potty or have a nappy changed would have meant leaving the fun

Have you read succesful potty training? Its not prescriptive but should help you find a way that helps you both. Good luck

I think you need to either

A) put him back in nappies or
B) try a whole new strategy eg reward charts/bribery

Something needs to change as if he's never telling you he needs to go he isn't very far down the line of training IME.

Fwiw we had two unsuccessful attempts to potty train DS at 2.5 and 3. Then we tried again at 3.5 (late I know, I was worried by then!) and it was practically instant.

Sounds like he might just not be ready?