Do you stay with your toddler until they fall asleep?

(82 Posts)
Sprite21 Sat 26-Jan-13 20:20:44

DD is 16 months old. After her bedtime routine I put her down in her cot and she insists on me holding her hand until she falls asleep. I don't mind usually as I just read mumsnet posts on my phone. But sometimes it takes a while and DP gets frustrated because dinner is ready. He thinks maybe we should just leave her to cry because other babies seem to just go down.
I just wondered what other people do? Am looking teaching her that she needs me to fall asleep? She sleeps through most nights now so I can't complain there.

Tee2072 Sat 26-Jan-13 20:21:47

I used to. He eventually learned to self settle. At about 2.5.

Now at 3.7 he sleeps 7ish to 7. More or less.

TheOneAndOnlyAlpha Sat 26-Jan-13 20:25:15

No. DS has a comfort blanket that we used to help him settle. It's amazing. I used to do the same as you, but I was sometimes in there for an hour. Within a week of him having his blanket he was self settling within 10 mins, usually he now asleep within 5. He's 17 mo.

colditz Sat 26-Jan-13 20:26:11

Yes, I did, he grew out of it and really, why stress everyone out? Could you enjoy dinner through the sound of your daughter screaming for you? Your husband should have kept his dick in his pants if late dinners bother him that much.

Lostonthemoors Sat 26-Jan-13 20:26:42

I co sleep with mine, so yes. Even the NHS don't recommend crying it out any more, I don't think. It raises children's stress levels - measurable as cortisol.

lostinindia Sat 26-Jan-13 20:28:08

Yes. Dh stays with dd 4yrs and I stay with Ds 2yrs. Its not forever and they like it.

SavoyCabbage Sat 26-Jan-13 20:28:12

No never. I have music playing on a CD player which I think makes them feel less alone somehow.

BertieBotts Sat 26-Jan-13 20:28:57

I did. DS is 4 now and doesn't need me to stay with him any more.

rhetorician Sat 26-Jan-13 20:30:26

no; put dd2 (14 months, more or less) in cot in sleeping bag kiss her, say 'night night' and walk away (lest you think I am smuggamama until Dec she was sleeping in our bed and waking up 3-4 x a night); DD1 is 4 and sometimes I stay with her for a few minutes, but always leave before she is actually asleep. yours sounds perfect for gradual withdrawal; sit by cot, sit by door, sit outside etc

TheOneAndOnlyAlpha Sat 26-Jan-13 20:30:33

Bit harsh, colditz.

I do. We watch a film together in bed and by the time its finished he is asleep.

Its just me and him at home so it doesn't affect anything. Sometimes if hes really tired he will put his pjs on, say night and go to bed his self. Hes 3

tanfastic Sat 26-Jan-13 20:31:54

I never had to until he turned three and we took the dummy away. He's nearly five now and I still sit with him every night until he falls asleep. Sometimes it can be half an hour or more blush. However, I figure he won't want be to do it at 15 and it's doing me no harm as I usually sit and look at my phone and I'd not be doing much else anyway.

BertieBotts Sat 26-Jan-13 20:32:30

I think it's lovely that you're happy to do that for her. She must go to sleep feeling so safe and loved. (Which is not to say that DC who are happy to sleep alone don't!) As long as they feel secure that is what's important. I think leaving her to cry would be wrong - and since when was that the only solution to getting them to fall asleep alone anyway, if you want to?

FWIW I found that DS went through phases where sometimes he needed me to stay for a long time and sometimes it was only 5 minutes and he'd be asleep. If it was taking longer, it was usually because something was bothering him or he wasn't "relaxing" fully. At 16 months possibly hard to judge - I'm talking after he went into his own bed at 2.5, here.

Bagofmashings Sat 26-Jan-13 20:36:23

Sometimes, I leave the room & if he screams I go back in. I also look at mumsnet while waiting!
I would say give leaving the room a go and see what happens. Your dd may decide to settle on her own at some point.

Maternitygold Sat 26-Jan-13 20:42:55

I can never imagine leaving my daughter crying all by herself. It's my responsibility as a parent to help her, comfort her and guide her... Not to leave her crying and then giving up because no help is near. Is holding hand for a while too much to ask! She is just a little baby ... What you are doing is absolutely right. Please don't give up on her.

RubyrooUK Sat 26-Jan-13 20:44:06

Yes, DH and I lie down and cuddle DS (2.5), maybe sing a bit and tell him we love him. We used to co-sleep but now he sleeps in a single bed in his own room.

Although sometimes I find it annoying when I'm exhausted and want to get on with having my own evening, mainly it is one of the most wonderful, snuggly highlights of motherhood for me. DS is a very cuddly child and I love that closeness and how he sighs with contentment as he falls asleep.

It used to take about an hour to get him to sleep, now it's about 20 minutes, sometimes less. He often wakes in the night and has got much better at self settling. So I figure that sooner or later we will just have a hug before bed and he'll drift off.

Plus he didn't sleep more than two hours ever until he was 16 months old. As far as we're concerned, this is pretty ace.

Sprite21 Sat 26-Jan-13 20:44:47

Thanks for your messages.
Colditz, DP is a wonderful father. It wasn't meant to be a criticism.
I don't mind staying but I think the idea of gradual withdrawal might work as well. Bertie, your comments made me a little tearful, in a good way.

TheMysteryCat Sat 26-Jan-13 20:45:19

Mine sings to himself for about 10 minutes after I leave the room. He's two. He also calls out: "love you!" As I go.

Up until a few months ago he used to bf to sleep. I feel quite lucky! Though, until he was 1 he never slept for more than three hours in a block.

TheCountessOlenska Sat 26-Jan-13 21:20:01

I lie down and get right in with my 2.9 year old blush - I see it as an excuse for a quick pre-dinner nap grin

NaturalBaby Sat 26-Jan-13 21:24:10

If you've got to 16months without this being a problem then I wouldn't start worrying about it now! If it works for you both and you're happy to do it then it's not a problem at all. I had big issues with ds1 settling to sleep - I had to sit with him for at least 30mins then if he woke up in the middle of the night I had to sit with him again.

Does she have a comforter or cuddly toy to help if you want to do gradual withdrawal. My toddler has just discovered Winnie the Pooh so I have to say night night to Pooh as well as him now!

I stay with DS (2.3) - I sit on the floor and sing and he's often asleep within 5/10 mins. Lately he's been taking a lot longer and asking me to stroke his hand/hair so he seems to be struggling to switch off, which is understandable, he's learning a hell of a lot!

I actually like sitting with him (mostly - it can be frustrating sometimes when I just want to go and chill out!) and like you will just mumsnet on my phone while he drifts off. I keep thinking I'll try the gradual withrawal method at some point, when I can be bothered wink

I normally eat dinner with DS at 5ish, DH has his when he gets home from work at 6ish, so I don't have a meal to worry about though.

EldonAve Sat 26-Jan-13 21:30:28

yes I usually have to stay with mine - 2.5 yrs

No & never have with any of them.

Ds is 13 months & in his own room. The girls share & are 5,4&2 so have each other.

We read a story each they all get in I tuck them in and kiss & cuddle each then leave the room.

If anyone is crying I go back to sort them out but with the close age gaps I've never had the time for staying till they fall asleep tbh

CitizenOscar Sat 26-Jan-13 21:30:49

Depends. If he's still & settled, we'll leave him after a few minutes. If he's wriggly we have to stay otherwise he'll stand up & cry for us. We don't leave him to cry. If we've left him & he starts crying, we'll see if he stops after a minute or two but go in if he doesn't.

Sometimes if he really doesn't settle, we'll lie with him in bed til he sleeps.

Sometimes the whole thing takes a minute or two. At worst, 45mins+. Usually 5-10mins so I think that's ok.

DS is 19months

nellyjelly Sat 26-Jan-13 21:31:14

Yes DS who is 2.5 likes me to hold his hand. Tbh it's a bloody pain cos he will take up to 30 mins to drop off.

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