can someone please remind me why I want baby to self settle not feed to sleep?

(27 Posts)
oldebaglady Fri 25-Jan-13 14:28:49

hi, I remember wanting DC1 to self settle, and did a vague EASY/GF-ey routine so that he was never feeding to sleep

am feeding DC2 to sleep and I'm stuggling to remember the downside - it seems easy and convenient at the moment but it's still early days

if I'm making a rod for my back (which is what I thought with DC1 but can't remember why) - what exactly is it?

I've tried flicking though tracy hogg and am none the wiser, I have "time for you" when the baby is in the sling or asleep or in the bouncy chair - what difference does it make what order the feeding comes into it - ya still have to feed??

what am I forgetting/missing??

thanks

nickelbabe Sun 27-Jan-13 18:32:36

exactly pidj.

tge blueprints are vbeing laid down for all sorts of stuff but a baby fewer than 6months can't learn that kind of thing.

PurplePidjin Sun 27-Jan-13 18:22:53

I'm sure i read somewhere that a child under 6 months lacks the neurological capacity to learn stuff like this. They learn by instinct, to get their needs met, and as they get older those needs become more complex. At 2 weeks, my ds needed to eat, sleep, be warm and be loved. At 10 weeks he's added in a bit of mental stimulation - grabbing hair and toys, gurgling, smiling. Eventually, he'll add talking, walking, reading etc to his repertoire and I'll be gently phased out until he moves into his own place and i gain a daughter in law and some grandkids (or a son in law and adopted grandkids. Or not. Whatever)

My job is to raise a productive, functional member of society. How i get there over the next 18 years is largely irrelevant.

Iyswim confused

nickelbabe Sun 27-Jan-13 18:10:05

of course it won't be set in stone smile

tackle it when you're ready.

oldebaglady Sun 27-Jan-13 18:00:45

it sort of implies that 12 month + children are incapable of learning and adapting doesn't it?

I mean if I get to 12 months and DS2 is a crap sleeper (perhaps because of feeding to sleep, or perhaps luck/personality) then why can't I tackle it then? are they saying that the first 6 months are the only time when they can learn good habits, and in that time it's set in stone and can never be changed after that???

nickelbabe Sun 27-Jan-13 17:09:28

dd is now 13 months.
she sometimes wakes up in the night and goss back to sleep in her own. most of the time shedoesn't.
when I'm out in the evening she'll settle on dh.

I don't get why the hv/my mum/neighbours care how well my baby sleeps. because we co-sleep I always get a pretty good night's sleep (if she hasn't been awake all night because she's restless/growth spurt/itching/poorly) so it's not impacting on me. and surelly I'm more important in this scenario than anyone else.

nickelbabe Sun 27-Jan-13 16:51:17

I say fuck it.
do what's easiest for you.
my hv said that it'll be harder later on, but really, who cares? why does it actually matter? it's not like you'll be feeding to sleep until the child leaves home, just till they're able to self settle.

LeBFG Sun 27-Jan-13 16:43:28

IMO a lot of old tripe is written about how babies get to sleep. Just reading through the various responses on here just confirms this to me. Some babies learn to self-settle in the day early on, but don't sleep through for ages. Some are not fed to sleep but wake up in the night anyway. Others are fed to sleep but go through the night early on.

I remember worrying about feeding to sleep to when my DS wouldn't go through the night. I now realise the stress was generated by the books and wasn't anything to do with how DS was going to sleep. DS only started sleeping through at 12/13 months when bfs were starting to tail off. He was self-settling excellently during long naps in the day however despite being fed to sleep.

OTTMummA Sun 27-Jan-13 13:37:44

Every baby is different, do what works for you and yours. DS was a fed to sleep, as I had no idea you did bedtime any other way, he was not great at sleeping through, but when he got to 2.5 yrs old he was going 7-7 every night and still is a great sleeper 3yrs on. DD is 6months and has slept through 8-8 since 3-4 weeks old, apart from illness, but even then she slept better than DS, she is also fed to sleep, she is in our room and we hear her wake and stir but she manages to fall back without help so I'm not changing anything until it doesn't work anymore.

oldebaglady Sat 26-Jan-13 15:11:55

I'm loving the mix of replies

I think that the type of routine that made DC1 secure and content would just make DC2 feel abandoned and stressed. They have such different personalities! I LOVED GF/EASY with DC1 who got over stimulated and over tired and frantic if you were too much "in his face" and was calmed by being left in a blacked out room, but snuggly DC2.. well it would just seem cruel to me to do the same with him, he's no bother at the moment if he's popped in a sling (DC1 HATED the sling! unless facing out - which you're not supposed to do!). DC1 LOVED his pram.. and again preferred facing out.... DC2's pram is as unused as DC1's sling was!

So I think I'll carry on and I'll have to wait and see if it causes problems later

mewkins Fri 25-Jan-13 21:31:13

Because they grow out of it and you have to find increasingly elaborate ways to get them to sleep!
...And then wake every 40mins throughout the night anyway!

Once dd could self settle she would pretty much sleep through.

ruthyless1 Fri 25-Jan-13 21:14:32

Hey- I say do what works for you!! DS has feed to sleep from being tiny & slept through from pretty early on! Now at 16mo I put him in his cot awake for his daytime nap and he goes to sleep but he still wants a bottle before bed (tried without & he went to sleep but was up lots in the night)! I think a lot of being a parent is following your instinct and not worrying too much about what other people think/advise- but hey that might just be what works for me!!

acrabadabra Fri 25-Jan-13 20:36:51

Tbh, if she hadn't started waking in the night, I'f be more than happy to continue. I mean, she'll grow out of it eventually. <Deluded or hopeful? You decide. I'm too tired>

BertieBotts Fri 25-Jan-13 18:41:04

If it works then don't change it. Does it matter? Not really, no.

GobblersKnob Fri 25-Jan-13 18:40:53

I fed both of mine to sleep, day and night, both are brilliant sleepers.

acrabadabra Fri 25-Jan-13 18:38:45

It's definitely the night waking and looking for mummy or daddy that makes teaching them younger to self settle the way to go.

ATM dd(19m) is waking up to 3x a night shouting for daddy because he's there when she falls asleep. It's a killer. Dh and I are trying to figure out how to fix this. She can do it. Had been a great sleeper til just around xmas but illness etc ruined it. And she'd just moved in with ds so can't do any sleep training which has her crying.

TurdusMerula Fri 25-Jan-13 18:37:43

Lots of the books say that babies who are fed to sleep can't resettle themselves when they wake, and so don't sleep through. I was very worried about it, so i guess, as others have said, that that was the thing that worried you. But it was just not true for us - I fed dd to sleep until she was about 18 months (because it was easiest and I am lazy) and she slept through from about 7 months. Downside was that it was always me putting her to bed, as she would never take a bottle. As that's not the case for you then it sounds like you should just carry on as you are!

LillianGish Fri 25-Jan-13 18:24:46

You want the baby to self-settle so that you don't have to get up and feed him back to sleep every time he wakes up in the night. I was absolutely rubbish at this with my dd - who was, as a consequence, a terrible sleeper. I sort of did it by accident with ds - I would feed him, put him down, then go and sort out his two year old sister and settle her. While I was settling her he would grizzle for a bit, but would invariably fall asleep before I could get to him. As a result he learned to fall asleep on his own and was a much better sleeper all round.

oldebaglady Fri 25-Jan-13 18:15:26

we have a co-sleeping cot and wont be doing own room for at least 6 months, so I barely have to move to feed/settle

DC1 IS a fab sleeper though but its hard to tell how much of that is luck/his personality, and how much of it is down to doing EASY wth him as a baby??

PurplePidjin Fri 25-Jan-13 18:13:02

I feed 9wo ds to sleep

One night a week, daddy rocks him to sleep because I'm at work

If he wakes in the night, he's hungry, wet or both. Or maybe he's just a tiny baby who needs reminding that mummy's still there for him.

I like my rod. He's changed so much in 2 months already, i can't see this continuing long smile

he also sleeps 6-7 straight most nights so I'm buggered if I'm going to rock the boat!

PerchanceToDream Fri 25-Jan-13 18:00:46

DD didn't properly self-settle 'til 22 months, but yes the vague theory I guess is that when they wake naturally in the night (like we all do) they don't immediately look for Mummy and are happy to just close their eyes again and go back to sleep, so the trick is to get them to fall asleep on their own in the first place so they won't be distressed/confused/upset when you're not there in the middle of the night. Easier said than done!

Iggly Fri 25-Jan-13 17:52:59

It's a problem because other people tell you it is.
I fed ds to sleep for a long time but other people could put him down for sleep no problem.

When he could self settle (from 6 months but he'd usually fall asleep on the boob), he'd wake for feeds or would sleep through sometimes. Self settling doesn't rule out night wakings.

As they get older you naturally let them self settle - give them a chance and they will get there.

oldebaglady Fri 25-Jan-13 17:23:23

ah that makes sense re waking in the night and getting themselves back to sleep amazingmum

what sleep problems smudging?

if he wakes with a dirty nappy, I dont wanna leave it till after a feed though confused

Smudging Fri 25-Jan-13 16:16:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amazingmumof6 Fri 25-Jan-13 16:10:35

I think sleep then feed is reasonable, they tend to wake up coz they are hungry - this I mean in the morning, after naps, during the day.

but whether you give them milk when they got to bed or not is kind of different from daytime routine.
I do, coz it's the extension of dinner, if they are full they will sleep better (coz they won't wake up hungry in the middle of the night)

I always give/used to give them bedtime drink - breast milk, formula, or cow's milk when older or apple juice even. I'm happy for them to fall asleep which ever way.
I can't remember what age my older ones were when bedtime drink stopped, my 2.5 year old still has it.

I think EASY is a good idea, but it's harder to do the more kids you have - it might be easy, but it's easier to give them a bottle and get on with the rest....

if they can fall asleep without props they can fall asleep again on their own in the middle of the night if they wake up.
it's just that really, not being dependent on you or anything else, if that is something you want them to do.

oldebaglady Fri 25-Jan-13 15:21:06

mmm not really, DH can bottle feed to sleep if I want a break, and am a fan of dummies - either way, whenever you feed (before or after sleep), if you're BFing your pretty tied to the baby anyway? you still spend just as much time feeding

I am doing the opposite to what I did last time - sleep-activity(well... nappy change, what other activity is there in the early days?)-feed-sleep rather than sleep-feed-activity-sleep

If I could go back and speak to me when DC1 was little I'm sure I'ld have had reasons why I thought this was so bad, just can't think of any now

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