Mumsnet Talk

hi guys. help and advice needed..
my dd turned 3 in oct. she attends a playgroup 5 mornings a week. the playgroup leader called me into the classroom (when waiting outside to collect her with all the other parents) she said that her behaviour has deteriated ( i wasnt aware it was bad in the first place!) i was told that she is constantly hitting and pushing the other children. this morning she has spent the whole morning seeking out others to push and hit.. i asked should i keep her home this week they said no but asked me to have a chat with her. i spoke to her when we got home. i am mortified,, what should i do?

Don't panic is my first piece of advice.
It is most likely just one of those charming stages they like to spring on us every now and then. How is she like with her peers outside of school? What are playgroup doing to help her follow the rules? How long has she been going? Are there any major life events going on i.e. new baby, house move etc? Most of us here have been 'that' parent, the one singled out at home time for a chat. .

thanks for reply headinhands: she is a single child. We dont really spend much time with children her age at all. She has cousins who are nearly 4 and 15mnths. she can be bossy with them but there are always lots of adults around when they are together. I will ask about what they are doing to help her follow rules but fri (on the way home from school) she told her dad she had been put in time out, no member of staff had said anything to him when he collected her. no major life event except that i have worked much more in the last 3 weeks.

I am sorry to hear you are having a tough time wth your daughter. It may have helped if the playgroup coordinators were a little more forthcomng in the first place.
It is important that your child doesn't get attention from inappropriate behaviour at the expense of good behaviour. A strategy which is sometimes used successfully in schools wth very young children is to take photos of the child doing what is considered good behaviour ie playing cooperatively, sharing, listening, looking at the speaker etc. Laminate these photos onto small cards and show them to your child frequently particularly when she is doing what the photo deplicts. Discuss the actions briefly.
Obviously discussing the impact hitting and pushing has on other children mportant too stressing how this can make other children feel sad.

Try and find out what's triggering it - is it before meals? When she's tired? Is it a particular toy? Or is she just literally going round hitting unprovoked.
If she's doing the latter than she's probably discovered its a quick way of getting what she wants. Try teaching her to articulate more and encourage her to ask adults in the group for what she wants rather than hit. When you hear about hitting, confiscate at home and make sure it's clear why to her.
When she doesn't hit - reward her and go crazy with praise. Reinforce all the positives as much as poss.
We had a phase of year long hitting and he still does it occasionally - he's just three so I sympathise.

Confiscate a toy I mean.