Mumsnet Talk

My ds 2.5 has previously been very calm, gentle and reasonably good with sharing. then he hittwo and started punching, hitting, kicking other children when they tried to take a toy off him etc. He is punished for this with time out after warnings and is made to apologise after which he is good at.

but in the last few weeks he has been delibarately attacking other children. throwing toys at them, pulling their hair and pushing over small babies who he has previously been so gentle and caring with. it has become very difficult at groups and play dates as i have to constantly police him hovering over him. he has also become very clingy at groups constantly wanting my attention and un confident about doing things on his own where as 4 months ago he would happily explore and play well on his own.

i recently had a late miscarriage at 4 months, 4 weeks ago and his routine has been skewed because of this and im wondering if this could be a cause for his recent bullying.

i am totally at a loss of how to deal with it and am very unhappy. mediating between squabbling toddlers i find easy to work through with time out and he is very good at saying sorry afterwards but these random bullying attacks i just dont know how to deal with. A time out just doesnt seem enough especially when he comes back from the time out in a group to do it again.

my MIL thinks a day a week in nursery could be the answer to his clingness and his socialsiation with other children as when he is in the care of others he is much better behaved.

Any help would be most appreciated I am very sad and down at the moment

I think that labelling a 2.5 year old with the word bully isn't going to help anyone. Are you depressed?

Sorry, I saw that you were sad and down and I meant to ask if you were getting help for that.

my ds has been called a bully twice in the last week alone by other parents in the 2 groups to my and his face.

I am not "depressed", i am down due to having 2 miscarriages recently and require some useful suggestions on how to deal with my ds#s behaviour.

Sorry you're having such a rough ride lately Princess.

My DS went thru a very trying time (he's just turned 4 so was a bit older than your DS)where he was awful at sharing and got physical with other kids, and his younger brother too. I was really upset and baffled by it.
We did time out and it didn't seem to have much impact so we then started taking toys away when he was aggressive. This seemed to be a bit more effective but to be honest I think he just grew out of it.
We did also ask his pre-school to tell us when he was like it there and he wouldn't get his treat when we picked him up.

As much as you probably don't want to hear or can't believe that he'll grow out of it, he will.
Just keep letting him know it's behaviour you don't like and no-one likes and it won't be tolerated.

Perhaps a day, or two half-days, at a pre-school may help him get used to sharing with his peers if you feel happy to send him.

Sorry again for your losses.

Tough times, Princess, I feel for you.

Is he looking for attention of any kind? Even the bad kind?

blondiep14-thanks for your advice, my dp and i had talked about the toy taking away but we had wondered if he was a bit young to correlate the two; behaviour and consequence, but i think it is worth a try

always hopeful, i think you couldbe right it could be attention of every kind, i am a SAHM with him 7 days a week whilst dp is at work and he is an only child, and i spend so much time with him-maybe this is the problem though and he needs more independence!!!

hello princess
Ofcourse he is not a bully. The sooner you are your old self again, the so will he.

ok well his behaviour is normal phase for his age, but yes he could well be reacting to your stress/emotions and the change in routine.

but he is NOT a bully! he is a toddler!

you are being firm and consistent and doing the right things with time out, apology and watching him closely etc, i am sure if you carry on doing that he will settle down.

and focus on the positive! any tiny little thing he does then praise him for it and try and have positive interaction with him.

(((hugs op)))

sorry: the sooner he will be.