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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD, 3yrs suddenly very afraid of many things.

18 replies

mellymooks · 04/01/2011 21:24

My DD has suddenly become very frightened of lots of things, toys which she's had forever are scary, certain books, much loved DVD's... she is so worried about them she is screaming and shaking in fear begging us to take them all far away so she can't see them anymore. It's breaking my heart seeing my usual happy, secure girl being so worried and scared.

Has anyone experienced this and does anyone have any tips on how to help and reassure?

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vintageteacups · 04/01/2011 22:36

Maybe it's because at the age of 3, they are able to reason inside their own mind more than before.

Before that age, they aren't able to quantify cause and effect so easily.

Whereas once, a teddy bear might have been just that - a teddy bear, now, the teddy bear could get her in the night or eat her etc.

The stories they hear, they can now process, whereas before, a high percentage of them are only words.

They are watching moer tv perhaps, listeing to other mids at preschool (child holding toy saying "I'm gonna eat you" etc).

At night, I would clear all toys from her bed, if she has any and for now, put all 'scary' toys away in a cupboard/box. perhaps you could start introdung them again in a week or so (during the day) and by then, she may have forgotten her fear.

vintageteacups · 04/01/2011 22:37

Saying that - dd has always been scared of my childhood toy Basil Brush. It's a homemade one a lady made for me when I was born and it's about 40cm high with big white teeth. She has laways hated it and even now, age 8, hates it and I have to hide it.

Original poster

mellymooks · 05/01/2011 13:34

Please if anyone has anymore insights please share them, we are at a loss. We have put away all the things that are worrying her, but she is still thinking about them and getting upset, I have said to her that every time she starts to think about them, to try and think about something that makes her happy and that she loves playing with instead, she seems to like this idea and it works in the daytime a bit but at night when we're not in the room it all kicks off again.

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vintageteacups · 05/01/2011 13:40

Are you sure she's scared of them or is it linked to something negative that's happened say at perschool but which she cannot express other than through her toys?

vintageteacups · 05/01/2011 13:40

Is she like it at preschool with their toys?

coldtits · 05/01/2011 13:44

Antimonster spray.

Small squirty bottle of water, couple of drops of lavender oil, lots of glitter on the label, give it to her to squirt her bedroom with. She can also squirt her toys. Antimonster spray works on rooms to prevent monsters coming in, but it also works on toys to prevent them behaving in a monster like fashion.

Original poster

mellymooks · 05/01/2011 13:44

She doesn't go to preschool.
Nothing negative has happened, that's why we're so puzzled. She is very articulate and able to express herself and when we talk about it, she just says she's scared, end of. I just hope it will pass like all the other stages...it's just horrid seeing her worried as she's usually so bonnie.

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nikki1978 · 05/01/2011 13:44

My two both suddenly became scared of lots of things at the age of 3. Definitely something about that age. I wouldn't worry :)

Original poster

mellymooks · 05/01/2011 13:45

coldtits that's genius!! Love it.

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sassy34264 · 05/01/2011 14:05

Hi mellymooks. The only thing i can think of, is, she may have seen something on the tv. Maybe she has associated talking cartoons with her toys etc?

The problem with taking her toys away and spraying things with antimonster, is, that you are acknowledging that monsters and the things that scare her exist. I would be more inclined to put the toys back and tell her that they are not scary, there are no monsters, you will look after her and no-one can harm her etc, but if she would like you to check for monsters for her benefit (even though you know there aren'yt any) or move toys for her to feel better, (even though they are not scary) then you will. I suppose my advice is - don't do anything that re-inforces her beliefs....iyswim.

vintageteacups · 05/01/2011 14:18

Hmm - actually sassy could be right.

coldtits · 05/01/2011 14:28

You can't tell 3 year olds that monsters don't exist. They nod, and smile, and settle down and then GODDAMNIT THAT TOY MOVED! I SAW IT, WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVERY BELIEVE ME!!!

simonedeboudoir · 05/01/2011 14:40

At that age, I vividly remember my indignation, fury and panic when my fears were not acknowledged. They were very real to me (though I understand now that my mum was just trying to do what she thought best)

Please try the monster spray and make sure she feels that you're taking her seriously.

sassy34264 · 05/01/2011 14:42

Tell them a fairy moved it.

cestlavie · 05/01/2011 15:08

Personally, I've used something in between with DD, i.e. along the lines of "Monsters don't exist, but even if they did exist then what they'd really hate is [insert appropriate action such as being sprayed with antimonster spray]"

StarExpat · 05/01/2011 15:19

coldtits are you the same poster as colditz

Anyway, I like the glitter spray. But not acknowledging that monsters are real. Just use the spray to make sure the toys/ rooms stay nice and not scary.

bananastew · 05/01/2011 19:34

How about acknowledging that monsters do exist (to a 3yo) but also using the spray?! Like Coldtits says monsters are as real to children as santa is!

Not much help but my friends ds 31mths is also going through this stage!!! Could it be a delayed reaction to the new baby?

Original poster

mellymooks · 05/01/2011 22:17

Thanks for all your input. She has never actually mentioned any of this as "monsters" per se just that certain things which have never bothered her, now suddenly do, such as Fireman Sam, cuddly dinosaur, badger and Gromit. The Guffalo(can understand that one) and then things she's never even seen like Buzz lightyear, picture of Shrek on DVD in the supermarket etc

I am fully acknowledging her fears and taking them seriously and listening to her, I asked her again this evening why they are upsetting her so much and she said "they are not nice, they scare me".

Bless her I just hope we can keep reassuring her and eventually it will calm down.
Don't think it's anything to do with Flynn banana she is very open about any issues she has with him, which aren't many and is genuinely very loving towards him.

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