2 year old doesn't like her daddy, what's up with that?

[WinterChillita]

DD is just 2 and she's never really 'got on' with DH. No reason for it, he's really hands on - changes nappies, gets snacks/meals, plays running around games, chats to her all the time etc. For some reason she just always wants me, even if I've just told her off, she'll want a cuddle from me rather than him. Whenever he picks her up after she's hurt herself it's 'mummy, mummy', when she cries at night and he goes to settle her it's all 'mummy'. If I go out to the shops she just asks for me the whole time til I get back. DH feels very frustrated because he wants to be able to comfort her and cuddle her but if he tries she cries and pushes him away.
He did go away for work for about 6 months when she was 8 weeks old and I wonder if she just grew up thinking of me as her sole source of everything but that was over 18 months ago now. We've got a 5 month old too who's ebf so I find it draining having to try and be there for both children and DH really wants to be able to help DD.
Sorry it's a bit long but any ideas?

Nothing up with it at all. Both my girls were the same on & off with Daddy till they were 2& a bitish. DD2 positively hated him at one point for about four months which was awful. he couldn't look at her or she'd scream the place down.

Similar Daddy too, worked odd shifts when DD1 was born till 6ish but did spend a lot of time with her when he was off. She didn't seem to dislike him so intently or for as long as DD2 but to this day 9 & 3 now, Mummy is the out and out favourite.

They do love him and DD1 spends a lot of time with him but if they had to pick I'd be a shoe in. I'm rubbish too I wouldn't pick me but there you go.

He just has to persevere sadly and you need to be a little tougher sometimes. It will get better.

Thanks for the response, she was feeling sad about an hour ago and DH went to give her a cuddle and she burst into tears and shoved him away. He just feels so hurt by it - odd for me cos I am was a right Daddy's girl and I remember telling my Mum that I liked Daddy better

sounds tough for both of you.

i haven't had experience of this exactly - our ds has gone thru phases of preferring one of us. The worst phase was just after we had dd, he was always asking for daddy - which made me feel like we'd totally lost the bond we'd had because i'd had another child . Back to normal again now thankfully.

perhaps you could try (if you haven't already) picking a favourite activity (eg bath time, a special story, place to visit) which she only ever does with your dh and on a regular basis (at least weekly). she's old enough now that she'll understand if you give it a big build-up: "wowee, you're going to the park with daddy tomorrow!" etc so she understands that it's a cool thing to do and it's with someone special

for the first year ds was totally a mummy's boy and so I used to give dh a HUGE buildup if we were about to see him so ds was whipped into a state of excitement by the time daddy walked thru the door .

we also have lots of photos of us all round the house and when dh was out, ds and i used to spend time looking at the photos and talking about daddy and the fact he's at work etc. these days, if we mention dh when he's out ds will point to a picture of him and then address the photo as if dh can hear him

sorry if some of this is obvious and you've tried it before.

good luck!

The thing is she spends all day asking where daddy is and gets massively excited about him coming home after work. I thought she'd go off me with DS's arrival but if anything it's got worse. DH does her weekly bath which she loves and they do a lot together, she just spends most of the time asking where I am.

I think I'll try bigging DH up even more (cue fanfares) and maybe see if he wants to do more of the painting/cooking [hopeful] and stuff she really enjoys doing.

ha ha! this could wind up good for you

does she enjoy doing the washing and hoovering too by any chance?

erm...yeeeees

ds1 has always been a mummy's boy. Even since ds2's arrival, he's still a mummy's boy - however one week's holiday (5 days away and the weekend either side with daddy at home and not sitting at the laptop working) and he is suddenly a daddy's boy!

Maybe a good excuse for a holiday s'all I'm saying

This is normal. My DD swings in round abouts. She had nothing to do with her father til she was 2.5 and then wanted exclusively him for the next 6 months. Now back to me. We don't make a fuss about it, just know that its changeable. DS less like this, though slightly affected by her choices (wants the same / or goes to other parent).

As others have said this is pretty normal. Both my girls went through this stage and it drove me crazy (e.g. DH back to take over and do bath time so I could have a break and they would howl and cry for me). Now aged 3 and 5 they are well over it. I wouldn't underestimate the effect of your 5 month old. When you are bf naturally it is helpful if DH takes over with the older one a bit more - but both my girls seemed to take this as sort of being fobbed off on DH in favour of the baby and so protested about it and clung to me harder. Although my youngest is a real mummy's boy I haven't had a similar phase from him (yet!) and I think that is maybe due to the fact that I don't have a younger one.