dd bit another child at nursery today

[June2009]

Dd is 16mo, she also pulled the toddler's hair :(
On Monday I saw her shove one of the babies we see every week (she also tried to give her a kiss in that same afternoon.)

How do you deal with this? I know if I caught her in the act I will grab her hand (gently), look at her in the eyes and say firmly "No hitting/pulling" and then carry on as normal/distract her if needed.

Is there anything else I can do??

The nursery worker said the change in behaviour is sometimes caused by changes at home. We work from home and it has been particularly stressful the past couple of weeks, there is also an impending divorce court case (pil/mil) which is making dh extremely tense. I think the baby is picking up on all of this and has been very clingy to dh recently as well but I'm not sure how to not let all of this spill over and "hide" it from her iyswim.

Any advice?

I don't know how helpful this is, but it is q common. At a similar age, my ds used to bite his sister occasionally, and was also once bitten by a random child. He's nearly 3 now, and doesn't bit or hit generally - he has learnt it's wrong.

It sounds like you're doing the right thing re quick telling off/distraction. The other thing that sometimes works though better with hitting than biting, is to try to translate it into a positive action. Eg instead of hitting, stroking. I think it's because babies of that age find it incredibly difficult to reign in their impulses and it can be very hard for them to remember not to hit, but perhaps it's easier to stroke if they really want to touch another child and can't stop.

Thanks, she was bitten at the same nursery about a month ago, I'm not sure it has anything to do with it though.

Just reading up on biting/hitting now.

The nursery said she wasn't angry when she did it, or fighting over a toy. she does pull my hair sometimes and I have been saying "no" to her about that. Now I remember one more instance where she slapped me (not to hurt me or anything and she did not seem to realise what she was doing) there again I grabbed her hand and said "no".
She actually did that as well to dh when we were talking to the nursery worker.
She didn't look angry when she did it either, not sure what to make of it.
I will try to tell her to stroke instead as well.

Does just saying "no" really work? I mean, for example she keeps opening the cupboards and I say no every time and she stops after I have said it a few times or moved her but that hasn't stopped her opening the cupboards . .

I have moved all work related stuff to the office and I'm trying to get dh to work only from there so that she has no contact with that stress.

First of all, I'd say - don't worry and don't read too much into it in terms of stuff going on at home.

My DS2 started biting around this age, and I think, in hindsight it started because of teething pain. He would also do the kind of silly, meaningless "aggressive" pushing and biting you describe. I actually think it is an extremely immature way of them trying to make contact with another child but going about it all wrong - he was/is a very sociable boy.

Also, what sometimes encourages this type of behaviour is if you react too strongly to it - too much attention gives a reward for doing it - so try and prevent, and distract before it happens, and if it does happen speak in a low, firm, voice. Prevention is better than cure - so watch her like a hawk when you are out.

Hunger used to bring this on in my DS2 as well. And over-stimulation/tiredness - so if you are out at a playgroup/park and she starts losing it, then just leave.

And to answer your question, NO does not work like magic. At this age, and for a lot longer, it will be a drip, drip approach - reminding her of the boundaries.

At this age, loads of DC do a bit of pushing, thumping and biting. They are testing out the world around them and starting to learn about acceptable behaviours. They do not learn this instantly. Please don't worry about it, they grow out of it on the whole.

... and agree totally with Travellerintime

Another thing - I know it's hard, but try not to label her or worry about her turning into a naughty girl, and don't let others do this either. It is very common, normal behaviour.

Worrying can make you tense and over-react - I know! There's this big taboo about biting, in particular, and you may encounter some smug people along the way who think their child would never do that. Just apologise but don't let it alter your view of your baby

OTOH, she may never do it again !

thank you for your replies, I do feel now like I may have over reacted a bit and jumped to conclusion straight away (probably my own issues surfacing I think, I wish work was kept in the office), we'll see how this morning goes at nursery.