Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Naughty 3 year old - Your tips?

14 replies

teaandcakeplease · 05/08/2010 18:49

Please help me stay sane. My just turned 3 year old has all of a sudden begun answering me back, shouting at me and tries to swipe me when she cannot get her own way.

I thought it was terrible twos not threes?

I send her to stand by the door (as we live in a flat and we have no step) or if its very bad, take her favourtie toy away for a set period of time. It occurred to me tonight perhaps I should start a reward chart?

All I know is I need some major tips as I cannot have everyday locked in a battle of wills.

She was so awful at the supermarket this afternoon that she has no television tonight before bed.

Sometimes I feel I'm getting it all right but not today.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
teaandcakeplease · 05/08/2010 18:52

Sorry that last sentence makes me sound like a "know it all" I'm truly not. I'm just typing in a hurry, as I need to go and bath the DCs.

I just need some mumsnet tips

OP posts:
teaandcakeplease · 05/08/2010 20:16

Bump.... anyone?

OP posts:
zapostrophe · 05/08/2010 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

gomummy · 05/08/2010 20:17

DS is only just 2 and I'm still trying to figure it out so unfortunately no tips, but just a note of support and perhaps bumping so someone who can be of more help comes along...

UniMummy · 05/08/2010 20:28

My ds turned 3 a few months ago and overnight turned in to quite an aggressive child one minute, tantrums, the works, then an angel the next.

We have used a reward chart and the naughty step. We also told off bad behaviour for the first few weeks and now we trust he does know it's wrong and ignore the bad and praise the good. Hopefully this shows attention is only for good behaviour. It has got better with these clear boundries, but there are still tantrums etc. I am crossing my fingers for 4 but expect a whole new set off challenges to arrive!

teaandcakeplease · 05/08/2010 21:19

Yes her behaviour is better when I make an effort to praise her and raise her self esteem. That is a good point.

OP posts:
MassiveBumperlicious · 05/08/2010 22:08

Checking in to read tomorrow. Two's weren't terrible at all, I have a threenager!

booksgalore · 05/08/2010 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BexieID · 05/08/2010 22:20

Time out/quiet time for 3 mins (minute for every year they are). So designate a chair, cut a shape out of newspaper to do the time out/quiet time. If out, i've been sitting Tom on the floor.

Reward chart, do something they will do well (brushing teeth) and choose 2 things you'd like them to change (being nice to others and playing nicely with his sister) and give a sticker end of each day if acheived. Start with a few things on the chart first.

Be consistent! Which we're not.

Tom is 4.3 and used to hit/pinch me and now he does it to his baby sister and kids at nursery. We have been seeing a family support worker, so she told us to do the above.

sleepingsowell · 05/08/2010 22:37

I wouldn't ever carry over punishments from afternoon to evening, I think it's too long. I would say for this age group that consequences should be immediate.

I would say that positivity is all, I didn't use a formal reward chart with DS but just spent LOADS of time telling him how good, clever, kind etc he was. It is so, so easy to ignore them when they're being good (because it's a minute or two of peace!) but imo that is when you should be all over them

Then when you walk away or withdraw attention if they do something nasty, they really feel it and it means your actions have more power to influence them imo

oh and above all keep calm, try not to get emotionally drawn in but keep an emotional distance, easier said than done ~I know! But if you are calm it reduces the emotional temperature by 99% meaning they don't get so wound up and you keep a clearer head for thinking your way round things...

teaandcakeplease · 06/08/2010 09:18

Thanks ladies, DD is doing some painting right now, I'm going to try and follow your tips today for a better day Smile

OP posts:
120 · 06/08/2010 11:01

Hi tea, sorry, only just found this. My DD is doing exactly the same. She is usually worst if a bit overtired or hungry, or something is going on that she doesn't understand. If she has been watching too many films she gets very bad.

I usually find lots of cuddles and attention far more effective than bribes and threats. I now try to involve her more in what I am doing so she feels helpful. She dislikes being treated as a baby in any way so I remind her if she wants to be treated more like a big girl, she needs to behave like one (putting on own shoes/washing own hands/getting dressed & undressed) which in turn gives me a bit more time.

Books, I'm completely with you as well as H keeps biting all of us and laughing manicly. He thinks it is hilarious. I have managed to convince him that licking will get the same reaction, without the pain.

Tea, these biscuits are also good and quick to do with both of them:
1 oz icing sugar
2 oz soft salted butter
3 oz flour

Mix sugar and butter, mix in flour. Roll out and cut. Bake for 8 mins in 180c oven. Ice and stick on raisins.

treedelivery · 06/08/2010 23:26

I think [and I have no real experience as dd1 was some sort of miracle non-tantruming completely compliant child] that any right minded individual has a right to tantrum in a supermarket.

Is that helpful Grin

Well, I think most behaviour stems from stress. So I usually find if I rewind one hour I can see the triggers for behaviour in this house. It's usually dehydration, tiredness, sugar rush/crash, or anxiety. If dd1 watches more than 20 mins of tv her mood changes and she becomes more daydreamy and difficult to get to do anything. That could lead to conflict, as I might decide it's all 'chop chop lets go go gadget shopping' and it doesn't suit her mood and we all get stressed.

I think we expect kids to hop between moods and vibes. From in front of tv, to in shoes and ready to shop with no real time to mentaly get ready.
That's just an example. Another would be to go from zooming in a playpark to chilling on a picnic rug for lunch. These are big asks, an adult couldn't do it.

I think consistency and good,clear, quick explanations are the business. I always try to put myself in dd's shoes and see how it would be if I were her. Although sometimes I haven't the energy, and gve myself over to a bad day.

I don't see much point takng a punishment beyond 10 mins to be honest. Toddlers are very here and now really aren't they. And she is still in that toddler zone - although moving into 'young madam' zone.

We have never used punishments, we have focused on 'why's'. So an example would be 'DD, you must hold my hand. If you don't, I will worry about the cars and that won't be nice for me. Help me by holding my hand, so I'm not worried about the cars hurting us'
Had dd not held my hand, I think I'd have gone down the 'well dd, I'm annoyed with you, and a bit hurt and puzzled that you wouldn't hold my hand. We are shopping now, and I'll talk to you more when I'm less cross. You will sit in the trolly and that will be that for now'
Tbh, that would have got to dd1 more than anything else. It sounds so manipulative, but I cannot bear conflict, and will go some to avod it. I try to massage dd1 into doing the right thing.
DOn't get me wrong, she is completely feral in the right, safe environment. On certain things, like supermarket shopping, I am very exacting though. There are so many flame points, it's the pits anyway, and I need to feel we have very secure ground rules in place so I can attempt it without alcohol.

Now I do realise that dd2 is a completely different kettle of fish, and would be more inclined to take on the carpark cars single handed. Or perhaps armed with a dummy. And simply bop me on the head with her dummy should I try for the same explanantion & angry mummy act.

So I'll be coming to you for advice.

treedelivery · 06/08/2010 23:27

God that was long!! Blush

New posts on this thread. Refresh page