is anyone else reluctant to use (say) there babys name?

(47 Posts)
mumsywoo78 Sat 16-Mar-13 00:28:19

you may have seen previous threads of mine on here all about my baby name anxiety as i like to call it. well iv had a bad few days over this yet again.my boy noah is almost 6mths old now & i never feel comfortable saying his name iv also began 2 hate the way it sounds when i do say it. i mainly call him by various nns such as gorgous boy,big lad etc. or sometimes no-no for short but obviously none of these can stick to adult hood! using his mn doesnt feel right either. his name is now begining to suit him aswell so i thought my anxiety over his name wouldve started to lift but sadly not. any one else goin or been through this did it ever leave you? please be kind. & can anyone offer any advice?

mumsywoo78 Tue 19-Mar-13 00:07:36

sparklechops i torture myself too by coming on these name sites but sometimes i find it helpful when i speak to ppl like u who r going through the same thing as i feel ur the only one that understands. some ppl just say well just change your babys name then if its bothering u so much but they dont understand what were goin through.its not as simple as that & if we did change names it wouldnt solve anything im sure u know what i mean. my dp is great to talk to but i dont really think he understands he just thinks iv got pnd &this name thingy is a part of that. theres a programme on bbc3 tommorrow night about pnd about 9pm will be intresting i think il watch it . is your dd your only child ? luckily i have a dd aswell i never went through this at all with her so this is a shock but i would never consider having another child after goin through this. oh to cheer u up iv just seen that funny iru bru advert when they name the baby fanny! u c it could be worse. smile

ladymia Tue 19-Mar-13 00:23:18

If you are sure it's not the name and changing it won't help (it doesn't sound like it is) just carry on using the nicknames until you are comfortable with the name? I can not think of my dad ever really actually calling me by my actual name he has about 3 nicknames that he uses interchangeably for me and I don't think that's because he had issues with my name it's just something he's always done, i actually think it's quite nice that he does.

It never actually occurred to me that my dad hardly says my name, until i just thought about it now after reading about the nn's

stillunwritten Wed 27-Mar-13 08:16:27

Hi there I am just wondering if any of you can help me. I had all the feelings you describe about my sons name and it turned into full blown anxiety when he was a few months old. I became completely obsessed with wanting to change his name but dp wouldn't let me. In hindsight I no longer even like the name I wanted to change it to and have learnt to live with a shortened version of his name. However this took me a long time to come to terms with and made my sons early life a very painful time for me.

My problem is this: I now have a new baby daughter. She is almost three weeks old and still unamed. I am finding it literally impossible to name her despite intense pressure to make this decision. I terrified of going through the same kind of regret as I did with my sons name. I have a list of about ten names and what happens is I think I have found one I could live with and I call her that in my head for a day or so before I decide its not right and completely change my mind and am back to square one. Dp has had enough. She has to be registered by mid next week ( extended time due to Easter weekend).

This is killing me and no one in rl understands. Every day I pray I will find the name that feels right but starting to realise nothing probably will so i just have to pick something for the sake of naming her and learn to live with it again. It's probably hard to understand his difficult it is to have your baby unnamed after 3 weeks but you would not believe people's reactions to this.

Sorry to go on just have no outlet for this in rl and am hoping at least you guys might understand.

KittyLilith Wed 27-Mar-13 09:25:53

Hi I felt the same about DS2's name. It took me ages to get used to associating his name with him. He's 7 now and I have no problems but I couldn't put a definite point on when that happened.

stillunwritten I'm sorry you're feeling like that.

What does DS call her? When I dither about DS2's name (which suits him but is objectively a bit meh) I hear DS1 saying it and it makes sense IYSWIM and I am more content.

I think people can get too hung up about names. They don't define a person; they're just a useful label to distinguish between people.

Do you have a current shortlist thread? Asking for kind, constructive comments might help you feel more secure about one of them.

mumsywoo78 Thu 18-Apr-13 23:40:15

hi stillunwritten im so sorry ur goin through this too. i totally understand what ur goin through it is horrible i still have the anxiety over my ds name but it is getting easier but i do wonder if it'll ever go away. ive just noticed its about 3 weeks ago that u posted on here so i hope in that time uve found a name for her that u feel content with. i find u have to have suffered from this to totally understand it. how old is your ds if u dont mind me asking & r u feeling better about his name now? i hope ur feeling better.

MummyBurrows Fri 19-Apr-13 00:07:05

I'm not sure how much help I'm going to be but...I suffered really bad anxiety after I had my DD,I didn't obsess over her name or anything like that,I was perfectly happy with it but I felt strange saying it out loud or even in my head for a very long time so constantly called her by a nickname frm the day she was born! My anxiety problem was being away from her,I couldn't stand the thought of it,it would make me feel physically sick and start shaking. And I would b constantly on my mobile asking my DH (who was the only person I'd trust to look after her) how she was,I got soo bad I even had to quit my job,despite having returned after maternity leave to 10hrs a week,because I was making myself so physically ill at the thought of leaving her where I was at the point that I was off work more times than I was there! And may I add that this all happened AFTER having therapy that really didn't work me for me,so much so that I couldn't even bring myself to complete to course!

I guess my point is that if ur suffering from anxiety it will take over ur life,and ur obsession with ur childs name seems to b in that category. PND is usually more about feeling down and useless (I'm aware there's much more to it than that before anyone kicks off) than having a serious "taking over my life" obsession. I thought I had PND but my gp said that was clearly not my problem and that anxiety was because of my obsession with having to be with my DD 24/7 and essentially panicing about her everytime I wasn't with her. Perhaps its worth going back to ur gp and suggesting it,there are various different types of therapy available and it may work for u. Of course changing ur DSs name could also help but surely its best to explore all avenues regarding ur obsession/problem first as there's no gaurantee that changing the name will solve the problem?xx

FaerieQueen Fri 19-Apr-13 13:02:30

I can totally relate to a lot of what has been said here. I honestly hate my ds's name. I regretted choosing the name within weeks of his birth being registered but my dh refused to talk about changing it. He said I was just being stupid. The thing is that I know it is bit just me who dislikes the name. No one has ever said to us that it is a nice name, ever. And family reacted either badly, at worst, or without saying a single thing about it, at best. I don't know why we chose it now. I didn't know what to call him after he was born and I was traumatised from a difficult birth and felt pressurised to pick something. Let dh who is a bit impulsive push me into going with this name and I've regretted it ever since. In order to cope with it, I ended up buying him loads of monogrammed things for his room such as name pictures, personalised blanket etc but I still wish everyday - and I mean everyday - that I had chosen something else. I used to be indifferent about his name but now I loathe it. It's a huge regret and I don't know how to get over it. Mostly I'm upset because I feel guilty, like I have saddled the child with a crap name that will only cause him problems. I cringe everytime i have to call him in public or introduce him to soneone. He's approaching 2 but I would change it in the morning if I could get dh to agree.

FaerieQueen Fri 19-Apr-13 13:03:35

Not just me who hates it....

Bloody autocorrect

FaerieQueen Fri 19-Apr-13 13:06:58

Should add that I've also seen the name slated on Mumsnet which doesn't help...

randomtask Fri 19-Apr-13 13:19:26

From a slightly different point of view, I married DH when DSS was 7 & really dislike his name-never met anyone else with it (old biblical name), wherever he goes people get his name wrong & think it is something else & depending on the name book you read it can have a rubbish meaning. DH's first wife chose it, DH agreed but made sure he had a normal middle name so could swap later on. DSS (now legally DS1) goes from hating it to liking it for being unusual depending on age/life stage so only time will tell if he keeps it. All of this aside, it suits him & I love him & hence I now love the name.

For DS2 & DS3 we were quite decisive about names, had an option for each sex, both not common but not unusual (theory was not another in their class but people would know how to spell it). Both times the 'other' boys name became popular just after...

MiaowTheCat Fri 19-Apr-13 20:59:21

Took me a good few months with DD1 until her name really became "her" - until then it just felt like some random label stuck onto her and I could have called her hobbit or dishwasher or anything with an equal degree of attachment of the label to her if you get what I mean?

Now (she's just turned 1) the name is just utterly utterly her, fits her to an absolute tee and I really couldn't imagine her as any of the other names we'd considered for her. And yes, the name, like most at one time or another has been bashed on here.

DD2's name still hasn't really stuck to her yet but she's still dinky... her nickname's totally stuck, the actual name name - not quite as much yet but it's getting there and it does suit her - she definitely never looked like the other possibility we had for her... again, both name possibilities quite heavily slated on here recently. It'll fit her given time once her personality really starts to shine through... although sometimes I DO consider whether we should have just named her "grumpy refluxy puking ball of laundry".

Neither names are mangled spellings, surnames as first names or anything like that in case you're wondering about the name-slating... I think everything gets a good bashing on here over an extended period of time.

Thirstysomething Fri 19-Apr-13 23:00:34

I love love my dd2s name and yet still often regret actually calling her that name. It is so pretty, but I worry that it is too whimsical and unusual, it is a 'marmite' name ( you either love it or hate it ) and it was always be misspelled and mispronounced.
Strangely - off my 3 children, she is the only one to have changed her name herself. At the age of 2 she suddenly decided that she was going to be called a nn she made up herself... And she is. Now she is 4, way more than half our friends/family now call her by her own nn.
I am not trivialising any issues that come from pnd or anxiety, but I guess I am saying that you aren't 'failing' your son by calling him Noah. If he doesn't like it when he is older, it won't cause him to fail in life - he will either ignore it, or change it and perhaps it won't be as big a deal as you think?

sparklechops Sun 21-Apr-13 19:20:49

I've posted upthread and we've chatted before mumsywoo. I hope you are ok.

I feel really sad reading all these posts but also relieved in a way as I've realised it's not just me feeling like this.

I've been obsessing over Dd's name for over a year now. I also did the whole thing of buying loads of monogrammed stuff for her to try and accept it.

Was obsessing and getting so down I ended up telling the HV, was diagnosed with anxiety and am soon about to.start counselling.

Mental health worker told me it's about more than just the name (difficult birth etc).

It's a strange thing anyway. It's pretty exhausting going though every day feeling unable to say your child's name, fretting about reactions of other people, isn't it?

Hope everyone gets the help they need to move on.

justhayley Sun 21-Apr-13 21:33:41

Noah is a lovely name - I have one myself grin It took me 4 weeks to name him & a few more before I felt comfortable using it, but now the more I use it the more it suits him. Do you have any other names in mind for him? I think if your going to change it do it now before he becomes too aware of it. Maybe start calling him X for a week and see if that feels any more natural to you.
Xxx

Iwaswatchingthat Sun 21-Apr-13 23:42:49

Very reassuring thread - wish I had read years ago. Had same thing with dd2. I regretted her name almost immediately. Early (ignored by me) sign of anxiety and PND.

But to be honest Sometimes even now I think 'why didn't I call her X, y or Z??!!' There are so many other names I prefer. I still (she is nearly 7) look on baby name threads with envy and wish I had taken my time. I feel like I had a gift to choose a beautiful name and wasted it.

OP Noah is a lovely name.

mumsywoo78 Mon 22-Apr-13 00:31:51

thanx for your comments everyone. im still having my ups& downs over noahs name but things are getting easier. its funny because if i see another little boy called noah i think it is so nice so i cant understand why i dont feel comfortable with my boy being called noah! its so strange.and i also have done all the monogrammed stuff! justhayley how old is your noah and do you have any nicknames for him? we call him no-no & now theres that bloody hair remover thingy advertised on tv called no-no! dd thinks its so funny!. sparklechops so sorry to hear ur still struggling i like your dds name i know sum1 with the same name & she likes her name. i hope you find the counselling helpfull i didnt find it that helpful tbh but was good to have someone to talk to. its surprised me how many people have actually gone through this i felt so alone & weird b4 coming on here & seeing im not alone. id never heard of any1 going through this b4 i suffered myself. this needs to be spoke about more & people need to be aware that this can happen. x

mumsywoo78 Fri 24-May-13 13:42:27

R

Grannylipstick Sat 25-May-13 21:11:08

I have 5 children. The first one wasn't named until she was 6 weeks old as we just couldn't agree. The second one was named at 5 weeks and I decided I didn't really like it so he was changed at 4 months. The third was named by by husbands cousin. The fourth was going to be lily but I found there were too many Lily's being born! So we decided on Millie (no Millie's around 21 years ago). The fifth was named by my husband. I wanted frank, he wanted Fred.

forgetmenots Mon 27-May-13 16:42:20

How are you getting on with the name now OP?

MoelFammau Wed 29-May-13 01:20:36

Same boat. DD is now 2 and it's improving. Not helped though by a friend's kid (boy) being called the same name. It becomes a total PITA when they're together and it makes me feel that DD isn't her own person. They also have the same bloody nickname... sigh.

MultipleMama Germany Wed 29-May-13 12:45:09

I was 18 when I named my ds1 because it was my first baby (I was totally naive in the way of naming!), I named him something that is spelt unusual and pronounced unusual too.

I love his name but sometimes I was reluctant to say his name, however he is now 4.5 and is growing into the name and it does suit him. So I don't worry much about it anymore.

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