Worth causing a ruckus over?

(45 Posts)
CheerfulYank Tue 29-Jan-13 06:52:33

I'm due in May and would like to use the middle name Rose.

I think it would be nice for a spring baby, and also my grandfather (who died about seven years ago) loved roses and grew them until he was very ill. He used to leave them on my grandmother's grave when he went to visit her, and when I would call him and ask what he was up too, he'd often say, "oh, just watering m'flowers!"

I really, really loved him. I mean, most of us love our grandfathers of course smile, but he was honestly one of my favorite people on earth, and I miss him so much. So I'd really like to use Rose in the middle in honor of him, plus it goes well with the girls' name (Margaret) we're semi-settled on.

HOWEVER. It is my aunt's name. She's my mother's sister (the grandfather I'm speaking of was their father). She and my mother do not get along AT ALL. They're currently not speaking, which is preferable honestly. They fight bitterly when they do talk.

I haven't seen her since my wedding six and a half years ago. She lives a thousand miles away and though we are pleasant on FB etc, we aren't really close. And I feel like "Rose" is not such a unique name that it will seem like I've named the baby after her.

However, my mother has told me categorically not to use it before. She has somewhat of a bonkers controlling personality. She also desperately wanted to name a puppy "Rosie" once but couldn't bring herself to do it, despite the fact that my aunt a)is NEVER called Rosie and B) would never know my mom had named the dog that!

So...worth it, or not??

bringmeroses Tue 29-Jan-13 06:59:37

Yes. It's not like it's your first name and your mum should respect your very lovely sentimental reasons. From the sound of it it's her who has the problem with her sister. But don't ask her first or you'll end up in a row! Say your dp loves it too. It can't be all about her.

phantomhairpuller Tue 29-Jan-13 07:01:05

It's your baby not your mothers. We had a very similar situation with names when DS1 was born. It's your decision, no-one else's.
I think Rose is a lovely name wink

retrocutie Tue 29-Jan-13 07:04:07

I would say, "hmm, we'll see..." then don't mention it again. If she asks you what name you are using, say you haven't decided. Then when the baby is born, announce it as a fait accompli.

Your baby, your choice.

By the way, Margaret Rose is beautiful. You have chosen well.

BookieMonster Tue 29-Jan-13 07:05:57

It's a beautiful name and the only one causing a ruckus would be your mum. Ignore her.

bringmeroses Tue 29-Jan-13 07:45:20

Op is this what you wanted to hear or did you want quiet life advice eg think of another way of remembering your grandfather? Only you know how much it'd upset your mum - maybe its not worth having a permanent rose shaped wedge between you in form of your dd.

CheerfulYank Tue 29-Jan-13 07:50:08

I honestly want to know, bringmeroses. smile Thanks for your input.

My mother can be quite controlling so it's hard to tell sometimes whether it's something she's BU about or not, if you know what I mean. So I thought I'd ask.

CheerfulYank Tue 29-Jan-13 07:53:25

And it's so hard to say...she may just be mildly irritated and make some "joke" in passing and then get over it, or she may be absolutely livid. It's a tough one to call!

Bluestocking Tue 29-Jan-13 07:54:57

I'm with bringmeroses. It can't possibly be worth this sort of family rift. Rose is such a bog-standard middle name anyway - and why would you want to call your daughter after the late Princess Margaret?

CheerfulYank Tue 29-Jan-13 08:03:12

smile Few people in the US would know enough of Princess Margaret to know her full name.

But you could definitely be right, it may not be worth the trouble. I'm sure we can think of something else. I like to use middle names to mean something as they won't be used for anything else, so I'll have a think as to what other name might be meaningful to us.

MarianForrester Tue 29-Jan-13 08:06:01

I am no gardener, but might there be a name of a specific rose, maybe in a particular colour, that your grandfather grew or liked?

NowPlayingZone Tue 29-Jan-13 08:33:04

Or could your grandfathers name be feminised in anyway, eg Paul/Paula, George/Georgia?

It might be you mums problem, but sometimes grudges run DEEP. You wouldn't want her holding it against you daughter (albeit it may be subconsciously).
I agree Margaret rose Is a lovely name, but you'll find something else.

CheerfulYank Tue 29-Jan-13 08:41:42

That's a nice idea Marian. The only one I remember him mentioning is the pink knockout smile, but there are probably others. I'll look into it!

NowPlaying his name was Fred. There's Frieda I suppose but I'm not a big fan of that. But there might be something else I could use...I suppose it doesn't really matter if it's not an obvious reference, it only really needs to be meaningful to DH and me.

My mom has declared a few times that she knows she'll always favor DS hmm so you're right, she probably doesn't need more ammunition!

Merrylegs Tue 29-Jan-13 08:51:40

Hmm it's a tough one. Like you I choose middle names to mean something - it's usually a family name. Dd' s for eg is my sister's name. So it might seem a bit of a kick in the teeth for your mum (if she is going to feature in the baby's life a lot). How about your grandma's name? I'm sure that would have pleased your grandad.

There is Frederica as well CY, although I love it as she is a great character in a book I love, it isn't everyone's taste.

I really wanted to call my dd Eleanor. My mil told me she would never call her that as it is her sil's name and she hates her. Sigh. We caved in for an easy life but I do wish sometimes that we hadn't.

Then again we lumbered dd with 3 names so she gets a choice when she grows up!

Is it worth having a look at some rose names somewhere like www.davidaustinroses.com/english/Advanced.asp?PageId=1988 for a rose that has a name you like and that reminds you of your grandad?

CheerfulYank Tue 29-Jan-13 09:00:30

My grandma was Melba, which is...interesting. :D Though her middle name was June, which may work if this baby makes a late arrival!

Thank you for the roses link, I'll look through them. smile

NowPlayingZone Tue 29-Jan-13 10:35:10

The Melba rose: http://www.redbubble.com/people/chooseyone/works/3261409-melba-rose

You could be on to something...

NowPlayingZone Tue 29-Jan-13 10:38:06
thebestnamesaregone Tue 29-Jan-13 10:49:29

What about Rosamund or Rosalie?

MolotovCocktail Tue 29-Jan-13 11:19:56

Cheerful, maybe you could convert your grandfather's name into a feminine form? So, if he was James, your DD muddle name could be something like Jaime, Jemima?

Maybe we could help if we knew your grandfather's name? (Obviously don't reveal if you don't want to).

MolotovCocktail Tue 29-Jan-13 11:21:17

Ps. I love Scones idea with the various rose names smile

BinarySolo Tue 29-Jan-13 13:00:42

You could use rose translated into a different language.

Bryluen - Cornish
Gul - Turkish
Kolab - Khmer
Nasrin - Iranian
Raisa - Yiddish
Rhoda - Greek
Rhosyn - Welsh
Rois / Roisin - Irish
Rosa - Latin
Rosen - Cornish
Rozenn - Breton
Vardo - Georgian
Vered - Hebrew

bringmeroses Tue 29-Jan-13 13:41:06

How about Freya as a female version of Fred?

Tho my kneejerk reaction was do what you want, I think how strongly your mom feels about your aunt is a big problem. I'm sure your Grandad would prefer you to go with another name rather than cause your mom any heartache especially if your aunt could in any way construe the name Rose as a tribute to her and not your Grandad.

MolotovCocktail Tue 29-Jan-13 13:42:55

Whoops, hadn't seen you'd mentioned his name blush

nickelbabe Tue 29-Jan-13 13:45:17

I think it's worth it.

you love those names and tough if it might make your mum remember someone she doesn't like.

after a few months, she'll associate the name with your DD, not with your aunt.

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