This website has been really helpful recently but I felt that I now needed to ask for some help from you lovely people.
Apologies first off as I am rubbish with all the acronyms.

Just to give you a bit of background. My partner (he's 33) and I (I'm 35) decided back in April that I would come off the pill and start trying for a baby. I gave it a couple of months for the pill to get out of my system and we started trying properly by July. My periods were always 28 days and I had been using the ovulation sticks which were great. By August I was pregnant and we were absolutley over the moon. 2nd month of trying and we'd done it.

At 9 weeks I had a bit of bleeding and so popped to the docs to get it checked out and we were packed off for a scan which we weren't expecting but thought was great, everything was fine and baby was doing well! At just around 11.5 weeks were went for our first appointment with the midwife and a few days later went for the 12 week scan. This I couldn't wait for as I'd been a bit nervous up until then. I was having a great pregnancy with hardly any awful syptoms like my poor best friend who was sick as anything....part of me would have felt less panicky if I had felt crap, i know that sounds weird.

Anyway the 12 week scan is where it all fell apart. The sonographer was struggling to get any measurements as our little baby was wriggling all over the place so she asked us to go for a walk around and come back which we did about 20 minutes later. Once back in there she was still huffing and puffing trying to get the measurements. In the end she asked us to both sit down and that's when she told us that the nuchal fold was arounf 3.7mm and also my bloods had come back with a bad result and our chances of having a baby with abnormalities along with T21 was 1 in 5. We were absolutely shocked and numb. She then told us that in the circumstance we should opt for a CVS to find out for sure.

We were referred to St Georges Hospital the next day and the test was carried out. The staff there were incredibly good and were a lot more positive. We were told the results would be through in 3 days. After 2 days we got the call and that's when our world fell apart.

The CVS confirmed that our baby did have abnormalities as well as tested positive for T21 Downs. We made the heartbreaking decision to terminate and two days later I went into hospital to have a D&E. That was just over a week ago now and I feel like our world has just caved in. My partner has been amazing and I have no idea how i would have got through this without him. The irony is that I had divorced a couple of years back because, along with other reasons, he didn't really want kids. Then i meet the man I should have met all those years ago and life has just smacked us in the face with the worse thing we have ever been through.

We are still waiting to hear back from St Georges with the final test results in case this was also something genetic or if there are any other issues. We of course want to try again as soon as possible.

I guess I just wanted to hear from anyone who has been in the same situation and can offer a glimmer of hope that it all turns out right in the end. Sadly I know plenty of friends who have miscarried but no one who has had to go through the awful situation we have been through.

I guess i need answers and I know that only the doctor can answer a lot of them. How soon before we can try again?
what are the chances of it happening again? So sorry for the long message, just needed to get it all out.

Thank you

Can't help with your questions, just wanted to say how sorry I am for all that you have been through.

Don't lose sight of the fact that this is very early days, and you're bound to feel awful.

I'm sure others will be along with some positive experiences for you.

Also have no experience but wanted to say I'm so sorry for you both. I remember the worry and stress having these tests can bring and hope the future has better things in store for you.

Hi, no experience here either, just wanted to say I am sorry for your loss.

Some positives; (I hope)

I would have thought that as you conceived easily the first time, the second should hopefully be easy to.

And if there is a genetic/any problem, the doctors will be able to help you, with eliminating any risks.

Also, you are able to carry a baby. some people can't at all. So you have that first step covered.

I hope someone, knowledgeable comes along.

Thank you both for you kind messages. Taking it a day at a time. The thing now is that if we are lucky enough to get pregnant again its taken all the sparkle off the excitement because we will be so terrified of it happening again and those first 12 weeks will end up being the longest weeks. But we have to be positive, it's all you can do.

Hello Nik
Golly you have been through a terrible and traumatic time and you must still be in shock both emotionally and physically.
There are many women on some threads near here- support thread for women who have chosen to terminate 1,11, 111 and 1V - so many of them have had an ordeal such as you and have gone on to have healthy babies. There is little explanation or justice; you just were the one in however many but you will not be again. You are young, and healthy by the sounds of it. You sound very much in love; it sounds as if you partner is a comfort to you and you to him.
It is vital to have hope. Hope is part of recovery. But also allow yourself time to rant and sob and shout and feel overwhelmed if you need to. It is utterly understandable.
I have had two DS terminations (I am much older though, 42) so I do know the agony and the upside downess of it all.
Hold on tight and I am so sorry to hear your sad voice.
You are brave to post - I think retelling the story is important. It was for me.
Take care- rest, snuggle on sofa with chocolate and blankets and hugs.
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So sorry for everything you've gone through Nik - that's so tough. I wish you all the best for your next pregnancy.

Thank you Busierbee and I am so, so sorry you have been through this terrible thing twice.

I have been keeping a diary which i started when i got pregnant and my partner encouraged me to keep going and it is helping. Its good to rant in that rather than at him. But i will look at the support threads also.

Its only when something like this happens that you realise and learn just how many women go though such terrible and sad times and the process of getting and staying pregnant aren't as easy you probably think.

thank you and i wish you much happiness.
xxxx

Hi Nik

In a rush so this probably won't make much sense but I justed wanted to say that I have been in the exact position you were six months ago. Our risk came back as 1 in 2 after a nuchal measurement of approaching 5mm for our first pregnancy (I was 33), and our world turned upside down. The CVS result came back three days later as positive for T21 (the baby also had heart defects) and we had a horrible time deciding what to do - it wasn't a foregone conclusion for us. Eventually we did decide not to go ahead with the pregnancy, and I can honestly say it has been the worst thing I have ever been through. You probably feel like no one understands, and it's true - unless anyone has been through something similar, then no matter how lovely and sympathetic they are, it's not something they can truly comprehend. I know I certainly wouldn't have been able to beforehand.

All I can say is that by degrees it does get better. The first month was a real blur for us, we hid away from friends and the real world, and making the decision to slowly start trying to get back to something approaching real life was a struggle. For us, for me in particular, trying again was an absolutely essential part of the whole process, although it was terrifying and I did wonder if we were rushing into it too quickly. I got pregnant a couple of months later, but sadly miscarried quite early on. But, if this might give you some encouragement, I fell pregnant yet again immediately afterwards, and this time it looks like just maybe things might be ok - we had a very very detailed 12 week scan last week, and everything looked as it should. The 8 weeks waiting for that scan really were horrible, and I can't pretend to you that they will be any different, and the sparkle and innocence of the first pregnancy certainly has gone. But we did get through them, and while we are a long long way from having a healthy baby, I'm trying to relax now and start to enjoy the pregnancy.

I'm so so sorry to hear your news. You have to be selfish and just do whatever it takes for you and your partner to get through the next few weeks and months, but please know that it does get better. I still feel so very sad when I think about that first baby, and still wonder whether we did the right thing, but it is a less intense sadness now.

Kate xx

Hi

I am so sorry you are going through this. I was in a similar situation at the end of July. I had a scan at 21 weeks, abnormalities incompatible with life as they say were discovered, a few days later I had the CVS which confirmed my DS had Downs. The following week I went into labour and my DS was stillborn.

I understand how awful this is for you. You are heartbroken at the moment but it will get easier. I promise.

Allow yourself time and be kind to yourself.

I am 32 and was told my risk of another downs baby is now 1% (if I hadn't had DS it would be 0.3%). My consultant keeps assuring me this is good odds

I was also told that as soon as I had a period I could start trying againg - physically there is no need to wait.

Best wishes