PND after ghastly pregnancy - experiences/support?

[kalidasa]

My baby is 10 weeks old and my GP has just diagnosed me with PND. Both GP and HV have been very good and I am awaiting referrals to the psych service and also to the Tavistock clinic to help with bonding (we live about 100 yards from Tavistock so v. convenient), but I am feeling very low and really struggling.

I had an horrendous pregnancy - hospitalised for the first time (of several) with ferocious hyperemesis the week after I missed my period (!), for the worst month couldn't eat at all and was surviving with IV fluid and food replacement drinks, was bed bound for first five months, house bound for first six months, was taking drugs but still throwing up right to the end, didn't have an hour nausea-free until one memorable Saturday evening about five days before labour began; also had terrible SPD, was on crutches for last couple of months and ended up going into labour ward in a wheelchair. Substantial pain all the time for last three months as none of the effective pain killers were pregnancy safe. Actual labour was miraculously fine (despite much doom-mongering by the consultants) so no birth trauma but don't feel I have come to terms with the pregnancy at all, and have a pathological fear of somehow accidentally getting pregnant again. DH and I have agreed that we would terminate if this happened.

Baby is moderately difficult - doesn't sleep a great deal - but not terrible, we have a bit of a routine and I am quite experienced with babies, but I am not bonding well and haven't had a moment of really enjoying it since he was born. Love my job (lecturer) but have been off work almost continuously since first hospitalisation at the beginning of April last year and feel simultaneously hugely stressed about work stuff and desperate to go back. Nature of the job means it never really stops despite notional leave so feel horribly behind.

Situation further complicated because I can't take anti-depressants (had a manic episode years ago triggered by a single tiny dose, so a big no-no).

Has anyone else had PND after a bad pregnancy (rather than a difficult birth)? Just want to feel that it's going to get better.

[cupcake78]

I had PND with my ds but hid it for reasons I still don't know!

I had mc at 12wks, fell pregnant again 4months later, lost that baby at 16wks. I really struggled with the second mc particularly due to the way it happened and went into reckless mode for a few months. Fell pregnant again 5months later with ds and had a horrendous time.

I had severe sickness with all my pregnancies from day 1 of missed period. Ds's 20wk scan came back with abnormalities, we were advised to prepare for termination. I was devastated and emotionally shut down. All was ok thankfully but by this time I was refusing to think of myself as pregnant, was still being very sick and basically it was hell.

Ds was born, the labour was something else days of latent labour and back to back big baby with a midwife hitler would have been proud of. I didn't bond with him. He didn't feed well or sleep well. I remember thinking he was the biggest mistake of my life. I would look at him and not want him.

I was made redundant 4mths into mat leave, went back to Uni and retrained. I now have a new career, although I have had depression again last year I'm getting so much better and the majority of the depression was surrounding the loss of my second pregnancy and fear of another pregnancy when I really wanted to extend to my family.

Fast forward to now and I'm 20wks pregnant again. On anti sickness and low dose anti depressants. I won't say it's been an easy pregnancy as it hasn't, physically and emotionally it's been tricky and will remain so for sometime. I'm scared of my next scan (next week) and I'm being closely watched for depression and I'm scared of getting PND again.

However, with the right support and help there is a way through these things.

I think after such a hard pregnancy it's only natural to struggle. My experience of being pregnant has been far from good and I have no intension of doing this again. But the fact this is the last time is in a strange way relief in itself.

It's only reasonable to find a difficult pregnancy can lead into a difficult post birth experience. New babies are hard enough without having all the baggage of the pregnancy

[Hhnsam]

Hi, I have two children and aged 4 and 20months, and they pregnancies sound similar ie not being able to eat, being I'll I also suffered a pelvic problem where I was practically housebound and would be in agony if I walked for over 2 minutes and even rolling over in bed was a problem! and my youngest never slept! I used to get 2 hours sleep a night, it gets better, but be very careful of the support you ask for, social services got involved with me because I had PND and I had to see specialists in hospital, social services have removed my eldest from my care and are starting child protection plan on both children and taking me to court purely for my PND.... I have a clean tidy house, my children are both loved and cared for, healthy ect, but social services say that serve pnd is a major risk to children and that's there only reason for the hell they are putting me through. I don't want to scare you from getting help just be very careful, pnd does get better and I'm fully recovered but I'm paying the consequences for receiving help, and the help I recieved I don't think helped my recovery, I had assessments by specialists and was handed pills that only made me feel worse and given a crisis team phone number which is highly useless, my recovery was aided by good family friend support, forcing myself to carry out basic things around the house and thinking positive which sounds obvious, but the outside help was as I said useless and now I pay the price, I lost the bond of my eldest child after the birth of my youngest and now I just want her to come home and give me a cuddle and I have to fight in court for that! One last thing is if you have assessments with psychologists ect don't admit you have no bond ever, tell them how rubbish you feel but never admit you have no bond! Social services could swoop in and say your emotionally damaging your baby.

[somewherebecomingrain]

hi what hansam doesn't sound right to me - pnd is not sufficient to trigger the involvement of social services. hnsam's case may be a unique and unfair one but normally PND on its own would not be enough to trigger social services intervention. I'm sure many will back me up on this. Social services couldn't keep up with all the mums with PND even if it wanted to - it only has the resources to step in when there is abuse or neglect (i'm not saying this is the case with hnsam - i hope you can keep your kids).

Re antidepressants there are many different kinds - i've heard the ssris can trigger mania in people disposed that way, however SNRIs may be a much better bet if you are low level bipolar, or bipolar-disposed. Lots of people have to try different ones to find one that works.

I'm not going to tell you much of my story as yours puts it to shame! What a tough time you have had. And cupcake78 too.

I just wish you well. I did have mild PND I think after my first child although i was never diagnosed - AND is more my thing. It definitely got better - babies/children gradually get easier and easier. Apart from teenage it all goes in the right direction. And when you go back to work it finally feels like you have all the pieces of yourself back - plus the wonder of a child. I did take anti-depressants but not because i had a child - for a variety of other things that broadsided my life. They really helped and I am a fan.

Good luck

xxx

[kalidasa]

Thanks for feedback everyone. That's interesting about SSRIs vs SNRIs. The psychiatrist I saw at the time said no antidepressants at all and that if I ever did need one I would have to start on a mood stabiliser first. It was such a frightening experience - was manic within four hours of one 10mg dose of citalopram, and it took a full year to recover completely - that I am keen to avoid medication if at all possible - especially after such an incredibly medicated pregnancy as well. But good to know there might be some options if necessary.

I am feeling a bit better this week after a long chat with the GP who suggested focusing on sleep and exercise - these are the things I have always been careful about before in order to support my mood. She said I should avoid doing two nights in a row with the baby, so DH has been doing every other night with a bottle of formula, and I have been going swimming every couple of days at the local centre, which luckily has a creche. I have always loved swimming and it is making me feel a bit better about my physical self too. I am also planning to try taking the baby swimming soon to help with our bonding.

Seeing the GP and HV again this week so feel well supported at least.

somewhere I was also quite depressed off and on during the pregnancy, but that seemed pretty inevitable really given it was objectively so awful, so I wasn't so worried about that. Love your name by the way! One of his best lines.

[somewherebecomingrain]

thanks kalidasa. I chose the nickname when i was TTC and it seemed appropriate. Us ordinary folk setting off on our journey with our hopes and dreams of fertility and perpetuating the life cycle.

That is a very serious reaction and all I would say is, based on what i hear anecdotally (I'm no expert) a) speak to more than one psychiatrist, ideally an expert in whatever your particular issue is and b) it's normal to need to try different meds and when people find the right ones that can be really good. But it's clearly not something you can engage without incredible caution I see that.

Also your plan sounds really good - it sounds like you are finding ways to make things work. That's brilliant. Things can only get better - maybe not in a steady progression but the overall direction is towards their independence!

xxx