Please please please help me

[Notmyselfatall]

Hi, don't know where to start, please bear with me, I have 2dc and I am
Pregnant with dc3, also single. One of my dc is severely disabled also. Have a lot on my plate. I have history of severe OCD and severe depression. My OCD is very very distressing, shows many sides, but the one that I am bothered with the most is horrific thoughts about my kids and the fear I will do these thoughts very upsetting. I have been feeling very low, but the last few days I have bn once again plagued by these horrific thoughts, when I'm well I can shake these thoughts off, when I am ill, getting ill etc, I cannot think of anything else and it seriously is debilitating even housework overwhelms me. I am on setraline, 100mg which I put up myself from 50mg last week in desperation as I felt so low, not as bad as I feel now though....my dr would not alter or change my meds even though I told her they were doing nothing. I am waiting on an
Appointment for the antenatal mental health team and she wouldn't change anything until I see them, but I still don't have an appointment and am desperate now I have tried pretty much every anti depressant. Citalopram works but after years of being on it I got immune to it. I was on diazepam too before I fell pregnant, as I get very anxious, panic attacks pains in
MY chest etc, I have diazepam 5mg here and really wanna take it as I know it would help me but I'm scared to because I'm pregnant. I only have my best friend, sister and parents in RL, but hardly ever see my sister, she never visits, my parents, I don't want to tell as I already feel a failure in their eyes. Never been able to live up to their expectations etc, they know about my mental health and looked after me when I was first diagnosed with severe OCD after birth of my dc2 and was nearly hospitalised. I have struggled on and off with it since just before the birth of dc1 11 years ago nearly. Was only diagnosed 5 years ago. I sometimes wonder if I'm actually bi polar but, right now, every time I see or speak to my parents I get it thrown in my face that I got preg this time too quick and never knew my exdp etc etc, I know all this, but it doesn't help to be told every other day, and how I will have 3dc to 2 different dads etc.... I feel like a total failure. To my kids, my parents, everyone. Was walking across the road last night to the shop and thought how easy it would be to just stand in the middle of the road and wait to be hit by a car I cannot go on like this. I'm very ill

[Notmyselfatall]

I also feel like I can't get through another day confined to my flat with dc. I have shit myself away for months, never go out unless I have an appointment or taking my dc2 to nursery. Really think I need to take that diazepam

[Notmyselfatall]

Anyone??

[scottishmummy]

sorry things are so hard
you can go to a&e they will have psychiatric liaison staff to talk to. if you are considering self at do go to a&e

if you're known to cmht do calltheout of hours number,discuss how you feel


if it can wait go to GP, tell GP exactly what you've typed here. if you're struggling to express self then print off what you've written

you don't need to struggle on feeling sad and scared. right meds, and staff intervention can get you back on track

I hope you get some help
I hope this resolves so you don't feel so overwhelmed

[scottishmummy]

hope you are ok?
if need be go to a&e
tell someone how v hard it is

[JellyMould]

Definitely go to a&e or call Mental health team. Or your midwife or Hv,