Mumsnet Talk

Today has been a big cooking day (we like to spend a day cooking loads for the freezer at once) and DP said that he needed to go to the shop to get some things, and asked if I wanted anything. I asked for condensed milk (for caramel) and some wine or nice ale to have a small glass of tonight.

He said that, if I was planning on a glass of wine and caramel shortbread, he might as well go to the pub while he is out. [hmmm]

If he had said "I'm just off out for a pint, if that is ok, and should I fetch anything from the shop?" I would have been fine, why does he have to make it somehow because of my actions?

It just makes no sense!

confused!
but i don;t think yabu - is he saying because you're treating yourself he will too?

Was it said in a jokey way? My Dh would say something like that.

I often say if he's having a cigarette then he can make me a cuppa so I can have a break too...no discrimination against non-smokers in this house!!

it is a stupid reason but some people seem to think they are being hard done by if they see someone else is getting/having something as a treat.

if i arrange to go out with friends, OH will arrange to go out with his. now that may seem completely normal to you all. BUT when you consider that i live in Northern Ireland and OH is based in Southampton and so wouldn't be with me anyway, it does come across a bit strange.

He's looking for an excuse. It's fine, he'll think you weird for commenting.

Well, yeah, but he will eat the baking and have a drink with me later.

He did a similar thing last week- I said I was going to order us a curry as our treat, he said he would go and get it from the shop. I asked him how long he would be as I was starving and would make myself a small snack if he was going to be a long while. His response was that if I was having a snack he didn't need to hurry and so he "might as well" go to the pub on the way.

He was shocked to come in at half past midnight to find me in bed as he had been as quick as he could (three hours after I had first suggested the curry ). If he had said he was going out for the night I would have just made myself tea anyway as it was late to begin with.

I dunno, it is just odd that he somehow seems to think I don't think the pub was his plan all along.

butterpie why does he feel the need to justify going to the pub. surely as an adult he can come and go as he pleases unless you have an issue with his drinking?

I don't have an issue (generally) at all, it is really odd. I have asked him about it before and he says it is because his ex used to shout at him for doing anything without her, but tbh I think he is making that up a little, and even if he wasn't, he has been with me for four years now, he should be getting used to me...

Weird.

I would say that he needs to say if he wants to go to the pub, not make up an excuse.

Does he arrange to go out on a regular basis, and do you have a problem with that?

To be fair, the curry incident isn't similar. I'd be fuming about waiting three hours for food.

yes the curry thing would make me cross even if he had phoned and said he was going to the pub, i'd still be annoyed that he had put the pub before his prior agreement to eat with me.

it sounds as though he feels guilty about going to the pub so has to find a reason to justify it. is he definitely going to the pub?

sorry, it does just seem odd behaviour

sounds like he's used to making excuses with his ex and hasn't really got used to the fact you're not like thsat
or, is he making excuses yto drink/get drunk? how often does this happen?

It tends to happen a couple of times each week, but he isn't coming back drunk, he just says he likes the atmosphere in pubs.

He does now take his mobile, which is an improvement.

There is a stupid reason to go to the pub?

The point of the pub is that you go there for no reason.

It's like chocolate or daytime telly. It's just there for when you fancy an indulgence.

Hang on, he went out to get you both a curry for dinner, and instead went to the pub for three hours? I'd be livid.