Mumsnet Talk

He is only coming up for 1, but I don't know many children his age that I could invite. I feel terrible about it cos when DD was 1 she had a huge party, with loads of my friends children her friends (she is still friends with all of them now). But I haven't met many new mums since having DS, as I guess I still spend most of my time chatting to the mums I have known since DD was born.

I know he's only 1, and won't understand anyway, but I want to treat him the same as DD and feel that maybe I've kind of let him down (silly I know) by not trying to meet more mums with kids his age. My DD has such a great circle of friends and I want DS to have the same.

Would I BU to not bother having a proper party for him, or should I try to desperately trawl the mother and toddler groups for new friends?????

(BTW am totally aware I am sounding a bit bonkers about this!)

I think this is really common with your 2nd child I know i was the same. Have a little family party, cake etc, he will never know the difference honestly.

It's the perennial guilt of being a mother isn't it?

I'd just have a little family party if I were you. Have a lovely cake and take lots of photos of him. He won't know that his sister had a full on party for her 1st birthday, but at least you'll have lots of lovely photos! I always think the 1st b'day (especially) is for the parents anyway.

I did the same- a big houseful for DD1's first birthday, family, my friends and some friends' children and their dogs (literally). With DD2 I just thought 'Am I doing it for her or me?' we just had a little tea and a cake, and I didn't even get her a present as my family always buy birthday children lots of presents. No harm done!

Tis 2nd child's pot luck I am afraid - my DS1 1st birthday he had hand made chocolate cake loving made in the shape of a number 1, we even hired the cake tin to make it!

However my ds2 1st birthday he had a mr kipling slice!

Don't suppose either will remember for it to be a big problem!

Try not to overthink it - he is only 1 there are plenty more birthdays to make a fuss of.

I'm hoping we can put off the full on parties for as long as possible! Keep everything small and simple while you can

I can't even remember what we did for my first dc!

Defnitely a small family tea with a cake and candle for the required photo.

There will be loads more in the future (once at school) that you won't be able to get away with

I didn't have a party for my son until he was 4, and even then I wished I had waited until 5.

Small family teas (us, him and his grandparents) are perfect for 1/2/3/(4) year olds IMO.

Feel a lot better now thanks! Will just go for a little birthday tea with family I think.

I think he will enjoy the small party with people he knows a lot more than a huge one.

You will still have photos to look back on, only it will be with relatives that he knows and loves.

Here's my rule: if you are going to have a party (which you don't have to for a one year old!) only invite as many other little ones as the age of the birthday child. So 1 year old gets one friend, 2 year old 2 friends.

Got this from an old party book of my mum's from the 70s and think it is sound advice - it is about as much as they can cope with themselves with the excitment of you, daddy, cake and wrapping paper.

Broke the rule myself this year and had 4 round for a 2 year old, but still in the general spirit - just a few casual neighbours for some cake.

For DC2s 1st birthday I basically invited all of DC1s friends and their families. Some were onto their 2nd babies too so it was a nice mix of ages.

Fimble - yes I had thought of that but the 2nd babies are such different ages (some have newborns, some have 2.5yos). Also, my DD loves to be the centre of attention and I think if all her friends were there it would inevitably turn into HER party, which would probably be worse for DS than not having a party at all!