To be annoyed with my younger childless sister for preaching to me about PND!!

[Dragonfly74]

My sister has been to visit today and as you do when you visit people she asked how everyone was, So I told her that recently i've not been great.

I have a ds 2.9yrs and a dd 9mths and have had PND with both, most of the time i'm ok but over the last few weeks ds has turned into a demanding monster and dd has started to cut her first teeth so instead of her waking once in the night she now wakes 3-4 times and i'm really tired which has added to my already low feeling.

Anyway when I told her how I was feeling she sat there and told me PND is in the mind and that basically I should get off my arse and get on with life
And then she went on to slagging off my dh saying that he doesn't help out enough. I don't expect dh to help much with the dc's because he works 6 days a week, he leaves at 11am and gets home at 11.30pm he works hard to keep a roof over our heads and he is exhausted too.

Her attitude has really wound me up, she still lives at home and has no children what does she know about stress and responsibilty..

I feel even more of a failiure now thanks to her.

[chipmonkey]

Wait till she has kids, then go round to hers and do the same, she sounds clueless!

[mylittlemousie]

Try to take no heed of her advice.

You have so much to deal with and she has no idea at all.

Have you frineds who DO get it to talk to? If not, maybe find someone else sympathetic to talk to (from experience, it does make a difference)

[captainmummy]

Wasn't it Tom Cruise who (childless at the time) pontificated about how PND is all in the mind and you should take more vitamins?

Fucking Pratt. So is your sister. But then some people just know everything even if they know nothing.

[BreevandercampLGJ]

Tom Cruise did have children at the time, he is just one of lifes wankers. AKA a waste of sperm.

[captainmummy]

He didn't have kids - he had 2 adopted children, but it was before he'd married that poor girl whatshermname.

[BreevandercampLGJ]

He did have children, adopted or not they are his children. What a disturbing mindset.

[KittyFloss]

Just ignore the silly bint, she probably thinks she has life sussed and every thing is as simple and straightforward as getting off your arse and doing stuff lol. She will learn unfortunately, she's cosseted atm but won't always be, I envy her tbh, I was probsbly as narrow viewed and self righteous when I was at home.

[captainmummy]

Being adopted he had absolutely no idea about the PND of the mother. That was my point, not that the adopted kids were any less than biological ones.

My sister has 3 adopted kids, and she has no idea about PND, why would she?

[ChukkyPig]

I was going to ask if your sis was a scientologist too!

Hard to deal with when you are feeling low.

Trust us when we say she is talking out of her arse.

[JacksFirstChristmasMama]

Tell her to sod right off. What a twat. Hello, no kids - how the fck could she possibly know anything about PND? I could go on... and on... and I could suggest that there are plenty of web sites and medical information to show that depression of any kind, post-natal or not, is not* just in anyone's mind, but she sounds like she wouldn't take notice...
Slagging off your DH is just not on.
And about Tom Cruise, one: he's male --- WTF would he ever know about giving birth and PND???? And two: he's a fuckwit.
Sorry about the language. Well, not all that sorry... sometimes nice words just don't do it.
(((((HUGS)))) to you.
Have you had any counselling for your PND? Meds, perhaps? Any help at all?

[rubyslippersisappearinginpanto]

of course her attitude has wound you up

do you usually have a good relationship with her?

most people are terribly dismissive of any sort of mental health problems

have a ((hug))

[ScottishMummy]

oh no the pull yourself together straight talkin speech.dear god how terribly insensitive and annoying

try not het up by this badly worded tosh

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[TheCrackFox]

I thought I knew everything about everything until I had kids. Of course it turned out I knew bugger all. I too had PND.

She doesn't sound very supportive and whilst you have PND she sounds like the worse person to be around. You might need ADs (I assume you have seen your GP)and time and loving support to get through PND.

In summary tell her to piss off. Or you could bide your time until she has a baby and rub her nose in it.

[Dragonfly74]

Thankyou for all the replies.

I'm seeing my gp again next week. I went to see him when dd was 4mths and he prescribed fluoxetine but I refused to take them after he told me to keep an eye on dd incase she showed any signs of drowsiness (dd is bf) I still want to bf so I want them to offer me alternative meds.

I wish i'd not seen my sister today, its hard enough when you beat youself up every day for being a rubbish wife and mother without some insensitive arse giving their unwanted opinion.

[ScottishMummy]

oh don't get all this she will get her's, rub her nose.that is a bitty mean.globally mental health is misunderstood not given the credence or support of physical health

unlikely someone would tell a pt with elevated bp to pull themselves together and wish the bp down

[BouncingTurtle]

Some sister she is
She is talking out of her arse.

[Janos]

Oh, without a doubt YANBU.

PND is not in the mind. What a dreadful thing for anyone (let alone your own sister)to say to someone who is suffering with it.

I'd be tempted to give her a bloody mouthful. She's a silly, spoilt wee girl.

[Janos]

Csn you tell, I had PND too..had comments like that from my XP. Could rant on about that particular issue for aeons but won't!

Hope you are getting plenty support, Dragonfly. What about your friends and family - apart from your daft sister?

[stressedsanta]

silly little cow just wait until it happens to her then she will be laughing on the other side of her face. pnd is the pitts ive had it 2 times. hope your ok tho if you need to chat im here xxx

[Colditz]

I was a fantasitc parent, perfect in every way, but my fist baby spoiled it all

[FairLadyRantALot]

YOu know that she is clueless...so, keep that in mind and ignore her...it is one of those stupid thing people without a clue come out with....

but YANBU to be annoyed with her...

[FairLadyRantALot]

lol colditz...I was , too...until es came along, lol

[Dragonfly74]

Thanks everyone,
Todays been a better day, DH didn't have to go to work until 6 tonight and MIL had ds 2.9yrs for a couple of hrs which was lovely.

I only see my sister about once a month, I'm sure that her idea of PND is that you are in the depths of despair every day, Maybe it is like that for some women but I seem to be ok for ages and if I feel myself getting low I try to push the bad feelings away but its been getting harder to do that recently.

I'm probably going to sound crazy now but over the last few weeks when the dc's have been in bed I all of a sudden get all panicky about where they are and then I remember there in bed and safe.

Has anyone else experienced this? I'm worrying myself.

[DingDongDisasterAreaOnHigh]

should have slapped her around the mush with a dirty nappy.
i didn't have pnd but certainly had my anxious moments. used to have to go up and check them just one more time to make sure they really were in thier beds.
i also did the lying awake trying to hear their breathing, you're not quite sure, you tell yourself it is daft but yuou also know you are not going to drop off until you've checked. then you check and fee like a nutter because they're fine and you've disturbed them by poking.
i hope that sort of thing is normal
you are busy. you are tired and you are doing a fab job. be gentle.