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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you feel that you have an 'inner child'?

27 replies

robinn · 25/05/2024 11:14

I know it's a popular concept in Psychology/therapy, but I just wondered do you feel that you have an inner-child or a younger self?

I had a fairly difficult childhood and early adulthood, and lately I've found myself thinking about myself at the age of around 7, I'm not sure why 7 is the age that has come to mind. I feel so much protectiveness towards that version of myself, and whenever anything bad happens to me in the present day I feel angry when I think that's happening to 7-year-old me in the future (if that makes sense). Yet in the present moment I don't care about myself that way.

OP posts:
DoubleHelix79 · 25/05/2024 11:41

Perhaps not in the way you refer to it, but I definitely feel like I have an inner child. While I'm a perfectly adequate adult, with two kids and a husband, I very much enjoy letting it out sometimes. Building an intricate marble run, running down a hill as fast as I can, pretending we're in a spaceship, that sort of thing. I think it's important to stay playful.

MagnetCarHair · 25/05/2024 11:42

God, no. Even when I was a child I had an inner old lady inside.

5128gap · 25/05/2024 11:47

Yes. When I had my DD I had to do a lot of work to avoid re parenting myself. In some ways it was positive because I was very invested in giving her the childhood I never had and protecting her from the painful elements of my own. But too much without self awareness isn't healthy as you project too much, rather than understand the child you have as their own person.

Angrymum22 · 25/05/2024 11:58

I have spent the last three weeks remodelling the garden with my DS19. We have had a lot of fun, throwing worms at each other, finding interesting long buried stuff. DS and his friend dug up a Coke can and crisp bag that were both 10 yrs older than them.
We are a family that enjoys building sandcastles, exploring rock pools, pretending we are on Timeteam and the fact that we now have an instant reference tool (Google) makes it all the more exciting. We discovered an Ash bumble bee in the garden, never even knew they existed. Identified loads of different beetles, spent nearly five days digging up an area of bamboo and celebrating by dancing round the garden once we’d finished.
I’m only a part time adult, most of the time ( now I’m pretty much retired) I’m back in 10yr old land.
Which reminds me, Lidl have dog paddling pools on offer this week. We have a dog but it’s probably me that will enjoy using it more.

Mairzydotes · 25/05/2024 12:28

MagnetCarHair · 25/05/2024 11:42

God, no. Even when I was a child I had an inner old lady inside.

I have an inner old person too.

KnitnNatterAuntie · 25/05/2024 15:29

No, I don't think I have an inner child but on the other hand I don't think I'm very good at adulting!😂

bethepeace · 25/05/2024 20:49

Yea absolutely I do and she's needed so much love and nurture from adult me, she's always with me and I often need time alone to check in with her, when I was having trauma therapy I had a dream when she said 'now I want to speak for all of us' and I used the 'empty chair' method with my therapist to hear from her and to talk to her. I still have time with my cuddly toy, resting somewhere quiet to give her the love and nurture she needs, I'm a fully functioning and very functional adult with a an amount of responsibility at work and a very public facing leadership role - no one knows how much time I spend with my inner child!

Octavia64 · 25/05/2024 20:51

I mean there's inner child in two senses.

In one sense, yes I still enjoy playing. I passed a trampoline today in a park and seriously considered bouncing on it (I am 47).

The other sense is your inner child who needs looking after. I sort of still have that.

Hillrunning · 25/05/2024 20:59

An inner child has two meanings though, as already shown in the answers so far. It can refer to an adults ability to let go and be childlike in terms of their behaviour and outlook or it can refer to an acknowledgement that as an adult you now may have the knowledge and skills to comprehend things that the younger self went though/needed.

I'd guess op means the second. I think it is fairly common to be able to show more empathy to an imagined younger version of yourself because children are seen as more vulnerable than adults.

I do t think I'm really explaining this well though!

PlainJaneSuperbrainthe2nd · 25/05/2024 21:02

Not in the way other posters have described at all! Like, I suspect, a lot of us I also struggle with many aspects of adulthood, particularly home maintenance and management. I can still be creative and playful but I don't see these qualities as being about my inner child but my personality.

DeadMabelle · 25/05/2024 21:09

No, I was parentified from the age of eight, by parents who couldn’t really deal with the world. I’ve always been the adult.

KimberleyClark · 25/05/2024 21:10

I think I have an inner old lady too. I get annoyed by those “growing old is unavoidable, growing up is optional” type memes.

LunaNorth · 25/05/2024 21:13

I feel the reverse - I’ve always had an inner middle-aged woman, so now I’m 50, I feel like I’ve finally caught up with myself!

I’ve had the same hobbies and interests for my whole life. I’ve got a photo of me aged about two weeding a rockery, with a pedal version of my now-favourite car in the background, and a cardi on!

😂

pizzaHeart · 25/05/2024 21:19

I sort of missed some childhood moments due to various family circumstances and became serious too early. So I think I have playful inner child who didn’t play enough and vulnerable inner child. I call my mum and feel that she expects me to listen her, to console her, to entertain her, to understand her. It’s very annoying one way relationship and my inner child usually wants to throw a tantrum at that.

Love51 · 25/05/2024 21:27

I've got a theory that the vast majority of us fit into 2 categories - past focused and future focused. A small number of people live in the moment, maybe they are the ones who achieved enlightenment. I'm a future focus person, I don't spend time looking at photos, for example. I like anticipation and over plan. I find the past focused people interesting like curiosities. You worry about 7 year old you, I worry about 80 year old me (and my family!)

gertrudeteacake · 25/05/2024 21:28

No, but I do feel very strongly that I have a higher self.

Robyn847 · 25/05/2024 21:34

Hell yes. It makes me yodel through each and every stray traffic cone I come across.

AquaFurball · 25/05/2024 21:42

pizzaHeart · 25/05/2024 21:19

I sort of missed some childhood moments due to various family circumstances and became serious too early. So I think I have playful inner child who didn’t play enough and vulnerable inner child. I call my mum and feel that she expects me to listen her, to console her, to entertain her, to understand her. It’s very annoying one way relationship and my inner child usually wants to throw a tantrum at that.

Feel similarly, my mother expected me to be her security blanket/therapist from a young age, dumping her trauma on me and blaming me for my own trauma. Teachers/Guidance teachers frequently said I had an old head on young shoulders, it wasn't my choice. Now my very adult self can fight for that younger me and I stopped making the effort with my mother a few years ago. I went complete no contact in September last year. Not quite ready to deal with the complex PTSD she's left behind yet.
Don't feel I have an inner child though, just freedom to make choices.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 25/05/2024 21:46

I'm not sure that this is what you mean - but since retiring a few months back I feel like I've reverted to my childhood with my days split between 'school' (things I do to keep my brain active) and 'play'. It's brilliant !

Eyesopenwideawake · 25/05/2024 21:52

If you are interested in the subject I'd highly recommend reading "No Bad Parts" by Richard Schwartz.

As a remedial hypnotist I work with the subconscious and would very much agree that there's an inner child (or sometimes a whole class of them!) that influence how people think, act and feel.

LondonFox · 25/05/2024 21:52

Tbh my inner child is running the show past several years and I am just on passengers seat.
Think she is around 12 or so, so it is working out quite well.

keffie12 · 25/05/2024 21:57

@rorobinn, yes, we all have an inner child. The little girl who reacts to life when things are bad are often our inner child screaming to be nurtured and loved on the problem, whatever it may be.

I've done a lot of inner child work. Like you, I had an unhappy childhood. I've been in a position to find the specialist supported I needed, so I'm grateful for that

decionsdecisions62 · 25/05/2024 22:22

No I don't think I do. I've got a child but it's a man child and I wish he would put stuff away!

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 25/05/2024 22:31

Definitely not, even as an actual child I wanted to be older. I probably have an inner teenager though who likes being lazy, staying up late and playing loud music!

G123456789 · 25/05/2024 22:38

Yep. I am.10. I was a gardener which had a bearing on some of the following facts:
I know what girls are but maah, just like when I was 10
When I meet up with my mates we only talk about sport, just like when I was 10
I go out in the morning and come home in the evening covered in mud, just...
I regularly drink from hose pipes.

It's great being 10. You are independent enough to go where you want, no one really expects you to behave and no one's surprised if you walk down the road kicking a stone and commentating "he's through, one on one with the keeper, he scored and England have won the world cup!"

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