Child abuse and saying sorry

[OhHolyJesus]

I saw this story about institutional child abuse in Lambeth this morning as it was mentioned on another board,

news.sky.com/story/children-in-lambeth-council-care-subjected-to-cruelty-and-sexual-abuse-hard-to-comprehend-inquiry-into-historical-abuse-finds-12365369

Then I saw Maggie Oliver who said apologies are pointless. I tend to agree with her.

Why are we (society, those responsible in power and decisions making roles etc) failing vulnerable children and children in care so repeatedly and consistently?

Does an apology make it all better? AIBU to think it doesn't? How far does accepting responsibility go to help heal a victim of such horrific abuse?

I think it's about time that we stop apologising for something that has already happened and stop it from happening in the first place.

I don't have any answers but I think listening to victims reporting crimes and investigating would be a good start.

I think it's about time that we stop apologising for something that has already happened and stop it from happening in the first place. Absolutely. Thinking of all the lily livered excuses given for not properly safeguarding kids in other shocking, long term child abuse cases/rings we have a LOT of work to do.

I agree. However its shocking how much its minimised/denied by most people. Thats why people think its ok to just 'apologise'.

I've seen Maggie pulled to pieces on here, discrediting what she says because people have found some random connection to some one they dont like - all the work and real time information she has absolutely rubbished and called lies.

I've seen posts taken down about young girls who's families where were trying to get peoples attention because of this very thing or similar because posters reported it and said it was unsubstantiated.

Ive seen threads turn in to massive bun fights because posters refuse to believe that SS have serious safe guarding failings and posters who have reported laughed at or called cranks then the thread get deleted.

Some people just refuse to believe that the people who are supposed to be protecting our kids are harming them because it suits them.

And its just not taken seriously by most people because it always happens to some one else if it appears in the news.Its not just about the authorities admitting it, its also about getting the general public to see its still going on to day.

Some people just refuse to believe that the people who are supposed to be protecting our kids are harming them because it suits them.

Great post Scramble, I have seen the same and have the upmost respect for Maggie, her morals and all the work she has done to raise this issue. I think women like her, who go above on beyond, who aren't scared and won't be silenced should be leading on all safeguarding because they know what it is and understand it.

I think we need to stop seeing these examples as extreme examples but as the norm - obviously not to normalise - but to challenge, the Amanda Spielman at OFSTED advises Heads Teachers to assume that sexual assault is happening at your school rather than the opposite.

No more sacred castes and no more fear of challenge and assuming the best of people. If they have nothing to hide there should be nothing to worry about when there is an investigation.

When talking about a child consenting to life long medical treatment or having rights to a political movement of their own about climate change we are quick to listen then, but when it comes to giving real life examples of institutional physical and sexual abuse - resulting in death it is alleged - it is a secret and it takes strong individuals to expose the truth. We raise the voices of children but only when it suits us for lobbying purposes.

I liked that the presenter recognised the efforts of Anne Cryer. I agree that any apology, though ineffectual for victims, if made honestly should be extended to whistleblowers and maybe that would mean something.

More coverage on Lambeth

And this from the BBC but it wasn't on the front page

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-57984924

I want to know why and how it happened - all the reasons - and how we stop this ever happening again.

Also how are we (being the governments supporting those who were subject to such shocking shocking treatment. Fucking horrible.

[quote OhHolyJesus]More coverage on Lambeth

And this from the BBC but it wasn't on the front page

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-57984924[/quote]
I don't watch tv, who is the beautiful black presenter?
Totally irrelevant I know.

I agree OP, but I can't see it ever changing as the truth to to abhorrent for most people to get their head around so it gets minimised or the girls get the blame.

Take Sean Kershaw for example. SS worker in charge of a home gave a underage girl Vodka and other shots, watched porn, started doing a sex act on him self (all the time being in sole care of. home with children in it) then sexually assaulted the underage age girl. But even in the newspaper article it says he 'engaged in sexual activity' with the girl. It makes it sound as if they were too contenting adults. He sexually assaulted a minor. Its so fucking hard to even get the CPS to charge rape so they must of thought he did.

He was banned from working with kids for a year and found not guilty of rape.

A fucking year.

This is who is looking after unable children.

There is a young girl from Leeds who was kidnapped outside her childrens home. She was battered, stabbed and bitten and picked up wandering around at night naked. A police officer sat with her though the night in hospital. The next day she was arrested and put on remand because even though she was kidnapped she broke her curfew conditions. I'm not even sure what's happened to he as there was a media black out imposed.

This is still happening today.

This is just so awful Scrambled, I despair I really do.

I don't know what it will take, I wonder if there is ever a way to break this pattern of safeguarding failures and plain torture of our most vulnerable group in society.

I can read your post and think, well that will be what makes people listen, something will be done, but it's deathly silent and it doesn't seem to matter how many there are there is still silence, no reaction.

It makes me want to smash stuff up and cry. I really really hate it. I feel for every single one of the children who have these horrific crimes happen to them and I want every last one of the criminals and the ones involved, the ones who stayed silent, locked up.

We aren't failing children, MEN are. I'm so sick of hearing appalling stories, all violences committed by men.

"Does an apology make it all better? AIBU to think it doesn't? How far does accepting responsibility go to help heal a victim of such horrific abuse?"

My story is from the 1970’s – 1980’s.

This is how the sexual abuse of children was treated in England in 1979 by the people who worked in positions that should have explicity looked out for the welfare of children:

The man who raped me repeatedly when I was aged 7 - 9 was already a twice convicted child rapist and also had a conviction for murder.

He also told his Probation Officer he was going to rape me. His Probation Officer told his boss at the Probation Service, the Police, Social Services, and even the Home Office as he was out on license.

Every person he told who had the potential to protect me informed him there was nothing they could do until after he’d raped me. In desperation the Probation Officer told my mother. My mother let the man move in.

Fast forward to 1986 and I tell my teacher, my doctor, two social workers, my mother and the original Probation Officer about what happened when I was younger. Only the Probation Officer informs the Police on my behalf and they don’t do anything. I get told to forget about it and move on.

Fast forward to 2011 and I watch my rapist sentenced to 13 years in prison for what he did to me.

All those people who should have protected me as a small child and the only one who ever said he was sorry was the Probation Officer, the one person who had actually tried everything he could to protect me. He admitted it had haunted him for years and that he was so sorry that he couldn't stop it from happening. His apology and knowing that at least he had tried did actually help.

You know what, I would really appreciate a few more of those people who knowingly let me be raped say sorry to me.

As a victim of horrific abuse I would heal a lot better if all those people would face me, apologise and accept responsibility for their part in my destruction.

As an aside in 2018 the Doctor I told in 1986 was caught with almost 17,000 indecent images of children on his computer. The judge said he was willing to suspend the 20-month prison sentence for two years as he believed the Doctor could be rehabilitated!!?WTAF??

I can't express in words how angry and sorry I am. You were failed and failed and failed, Boiled. I am sick for you for what you endured.

An apology could or would help some, to hear that someone somewhere has regrets and know they did wrong or some just couldn't do enough right. It never changes history but I guess it can count, it can mean something. At least your protection officer tried and is haunted by his failure, I am sure that itself is complex and it's not a fault or blame that lies with him alone, it is the failures in the institutions ...and there is nothing I can say about the judge that would be 'in the spirit' so I will say nothing at all.

For the harm caused, that you suffered I am truly sorry, I wish there was justice for you.

Thanks, OHJ.

I do appreciate that not everyone wants to hear an apology and for those who do it may not always have the effect that they hoped.

For me though at least someone from all of those institutions saying sorry for their departments past failures would matter, it would help me heal. It would mean that they acknowledged my existence, my trauma and my continued pain. It would mean that they finally heard me. And after years of not being heard that matters.

When I spoke with the Probation Officer after the court case I could tell from speaking to him that he was truly disturbed by what happened to me, and I do feel immense sorrow that he spent years carrying around the guilt of being unable to help me due to the way the system works.

I would hope these days if a Probation Officer was told the same thing by an offender with my rapists past record he would not be allowed to move in to a house with two young girls living in it. I'm probably wrong though!

I did get justice in a way, my rapist thought he'd got away with what he did to me. He had a wife, children, grandchildren, a nice house and a decent job, he was looking forward to his retirement.

He died during his prison sentence, he actually spent his last days dying of cancer in hospital (that would have probably have been found earlier if he hadn't been in prison) whilst handcuffed to a prison guard as he was still deemed too much of a flight risk.

His entire family abandoned him before the trial and he was buried by the prison service.

Him going to prison though wasn't the end for me. It took the government 10 years to agree to pay me compensation. That was 10 years of being periodically required to explain to yet another anonymous talking head at the CICA what had happened, how I was affected, why it was still affecting me. 10 years of the government trying to blame my current ill health on anything but the abuse they allowed to happen to me. They only agreed to an amount at the end of April.

The judge at the tribunal to agree the final amount of compensation did have the good grace to apologise to me for what I had been through, and for the horrendous length of time that the government had taken to compensate me. She also asked me if I'd ever thought of suing the Probation Service!

Rapist:

www.cheshire-live.co.uk/news/local-news/ellesmere-port-man-sentenced-13-5185532

As for the doctor and the judge, like I said earlier What The Actual Fuck?

Doctor:

www.chesterstandard.co.uk/news/16062207.prominent-chester-gp-caught-almost-17-000-indecent-images-children/