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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I have bought enough Christmas presents for my DCs?

27 replies

StuntNun · 18/12/2013 10:05

DH is off work today for the school nativity so I took the opportunity to show him what I have bought for our three DCs for Christmas - taken from their Santa letters but ignoring the more ludicrous requests such as Xboxes and TVs for both their bedrooms. I have spent £65 per child and he reckons it isn't enough. Apparently DS1's 'pile' won't be big enough and DS2 hasn't got a large sized gift. So now he wants to go out and buy more stuff just to make the pile of presents bigger.

My DCs will also be getting presents from each other (which I paid for), my parents, DH's parents and from our five brothers and sisters. They will also get money from my gran and DH's aunt.

AIBU to think that this is plenty, more than enough in fact, and there is no need to buy more presents just to make a bigger pile?

OP posts:
Lancelottie · 18/12/2013 10:07

When we've wrangled over size of piles (!), I've found a compromise be to get stuff they need, to bulk up -- dressing gown, wellies, duvet cover, new pillow?

Lancelottie · 18/12/2013 10:08

I'm one of several sibs, by the way, plus many aunties, grannies etc, whereas DH just got a pile of stuff all to himself from his parents, hence our different ideas of what's 'normal' from a parent to a child.

Squitten · 18/12/2013 10:13

We buy our kids one gift each plus small Santa things (this year: PJs, slippers, book, small toy, choc coins, satsuma) I don't understand why kids need "piles" at all TBH.

That said, we do have a large and generous family and all the kids are autumn/winter birthdays so it's Toymageddon already around here!

defineme · 18/12/2013 10:14

I think that sounds lovely-what they wanted and more than I've spent!
If it really means a lot to him, and he can't understand that presents from others also make up the heap, then I'd go for things like onezies/annuals to bump up heap without spending too much.
I think I'm lucky in that dh and I have similar ideas of what Christmas should be. Perhaps talk through with him what he's comparing it to and what his Christmas was like a s a child?

IceBeing · 18/12/2013 10:14

yuck. present piles are just a disgusting concept. You can't replace love with stuff you know...

Original poster
StuntNun · 18/12/2013 10:15

DH will not under any circumstances buy clothes or similar for a present, even if the person has specifically requested clothes. They could do with more colouring in stuff, pencil cases etc. but I think DH just wants a huge pile of toys and games for them. It's ridiculous, they don't really need more toys anyway as the older two (10 and 7) spend more time playing computer games and we have quite a lot of toys and board games already - for example the Lego box is already overflowing.

OP posts:
LegoStillSavesMyLife · 18/12/2013 10:18

I think that is plenty but then my DC are getting a main present (£60 approx) and a book from us. A stocking from Santa.

They have present form each other (that I've paid for). They will also have presents from Grandparents, aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles, godparents and second cousin ethel - I think the pile will be big enough.

Maybe I'm just tight?

MincedMuffPies · 18/12/2013 10:18

What about beanbags or blow up chairs to bulk it out?

Original poster
StuntNun · 18/12/2013 10:21

I agree Ice, when you think of all the children in the UK who will be lucky to get even one present it seems obscene to be measuring your gifts in terms of volume. We are so lucky to be able to afford to buy new things for our DCs and I have saved through the year to be able to do that.

When I was a child I usually got a 'big' present then a few stocking fillers - always a book and a blank video (this was back when a blank video cost about £8!). I think DH's childhood was similar so I don't know where this Dudley Dursley style obsession with a huge pile of presents comes from.

OP posts:
yummymumtobe · 18/12/2013 10:25

Why do they need a huge pile? They will never play with it all. Maybe find out why he thinks it's necessary. Didn't he get many pressies when he was a child?

LieborCookin · 18/12/2013 10:28

On the plus side I think its quite a positve thing that he wants to get involved.

We would not have a single solitary present in this house for the DC if it wasnt for me. Its good he is involved and you just have to manage it, better than no interest at all there in the first place!

Lancelottie · 18/12/2013 10:40

If they need pens and pencil cases, that's easy! Wrap biggish boxes put in pens, stencils, glue, pencil case, electric pencil sharpener because I want one--, pipecleaners, coloured card, and maybe a set of instructions for model making.

Otherwise, I can recommend blow-up boxing gloves. If the children don't like them you could always use them to beat DH into agreement with your plans for another year.

noblegiraffe · 18/12/2013 10:45

Will they be getting the presents from the five billion family members on Xmas day too?
That would make the pile much bigger. It doesn't matter if not all the presents are from you, kids don't care!

Zamboni · 18/12/2013 11:39

liebor snap!

OP YANBU. We are not doing piles. DC get stockings, mainly filled with things they need (toothbrush, pants, vests, hair bands etc), a few v little bits (crayons, little car) and a bit of chocolate. We also do Xmas eve hamper with new book and new PJs. They each get one toy from FC, a couple of small bits from DH and me, and whatever they get from generous relatives.

Our current budget wouldn't allow piles of stuff anyway, but I am determined that we will stick to keeping it light and including items they need as well.

As a child I loved the predictable and functional nature of my stocking items!

MrsUptight · 18/12/2013 11:48

Oh DH and I are like you OP....but reversed! I never think it's enough and DH would prefer them to have about three things each!

Trigglesx · 18/12/2013 11:50

Tell him a "pile" of presents is a dangerous precedent to set for when they get to be teenagers and the price of their presents naturally tends to go up more. Quality over quantity will teach them better life lessons in the long run.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 18/12/2013 11:52

Have also spent about £65 on 3yo and he has ten or twelve presents. A couple of big boxes then a few little ones. I pointed out to dh that when we put them in the big Santa sack it will be as big as ds and getting a bag of presents the size of yourself is more than enough! I wouldn't want a present mountain as it would just be too overwhelming for him - I don't think kids appreciate it any more when there is loads because it's too much to process (and we haven't got room in our house for it all!).

Tailtwister · 18/12/2013 11:54

Our two are getting 1 main present from us, a stocking and a couple of other small things from family.

They often get money from relatives and this goes into an account to use throughout the year. DS1 will need a new bike next year, but not quite yet and DS2 might benefit from some swimming lessons.

YANBU. What you've already bought is fine.

Aberchips · 18/12/2013 11:56

Definitely no "present piles" in our house. My 2 boys get the same number of presents (1 big one each & a couple of little ones, Lego etc) & of roughly equal value. This is more for my sense of equality rather than theirs as they are only 4 & 1 so couldn't care less!!

If you've got them stuff they asked for (within reason!) I don't see that you need to get any more if you don't want to.

HoLilyChristmas311 · 18/12/2013 12:00

My dd gets a book and a ball and the squeaky eggs. Her stocking will be filled with satsumas, bananas and raisins. I don't think she needs anything more and just for the sake of it I will not buy more.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 18/12/2013 12:01

We have piles Grin

Santa stocking in bedrooms, a decent pile each and a big pressie too from Santa in the living room. Under the tree is one thing each from us.

I always want to get more - I have to be reigned in Blush

Do whatever suits you, each to their own, but your DH's wishes are as valid as yours surely? so a compromise needs to be reached. Smile

Trigglesx · 18/12/2013 12:03

I don't really set much of a budget in terms of "how much to spend on each child" although if they ask for something particularly expensive, I'm upfront with them that no, that is too expensive.

I found that if we said "okay, £50 on each child" then if the large item I planned on buying one child that was normally £30 was found on sale for £15, then DH would expect us to continue buying things up to £50 limit - which meant the more sale items we found, the more ridiculously big the "pile" got and it was just silly.

Now I sit down and figure out a list of a few items they have asked for and see what's affordable and reasonable and go from there. When I get what items make the final cut of the list, then we're done shopping, regardless of whether or not we're under budget. That way I can simply veto any individual gift as simply too expensive and move on.

Sophiathemistletoefairy · 18/12/2013 12:30

YANBU. I have noticed since my move to the same part of Uk as you everyone here seems to go ballistic present buy, spending circa £200 per child. Is ridiculous.

I have also bought stuff they need, a new park of pjs, some slippers. 1book each, socks, tights for the girls etc. I spent about £60 per child. until we did go out and get a bike for DS but then he has just got to bike age, has few outdoor toys and has been riding any Tom Dick but mainly Harry's bike since we moved. And I haven't then gone and bulked up the other pressies with stuff they don't need just to match it out.

Anyway YANBU.

Original poster
StuntNun · 18/12/2013 15:34

You're right Baby that DH's wishes are as valid as mine. It's more that I object to buying presents purely to make a nice big pile under the tree. I have treated them all equally by spending the same money, and got them the things they asked for. I don't see where the size of the box comes into it. DH is perfectly entitled to go out and buy more, indeed he probably will, but on one hand he expects me to do all the Christmas shopping then on the other hand he says I haven't done it right. No wonder I'm grumpy about it!

OP posts:
whois · 18/12/2013 15:50

I feel it's incrediy tacky and chav-tastic to buy more gifts so your DC has a 'pile'. How is volume a measure of worth?