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AIBU?

or is DP over DD pushing another child?

19 replies

Booboostoo · 09/09/2013 19:32

We were at the playground and DD (2.3yo) was about to go on one of the rides when a younger little boy came up to her to take her place. The child's mother was rushing behind him telling him to take his turn but he was too young to understand and in the seconds it took for her to reach them DD pushed him. Luckily it was a small push, he didn't fall over but DD's face said it all. So the other mum took the toddler to the side to explain he should wait his turn and I took DD to the side to explain she should not push. Then she had a go at the ride and when she finished I encouraged her to go to the little boy and tell him it was his turn.

DP then commented on all this and said how pleased he was that DD had pushed the boy because she was assertive and had stood up for herself. He also thought I was wrong to correct her, presumably I should have encouraged her.

Is there any possible universe in which IABU? Being assertive should not involve physical force and in any case she was not being assertive she was being a 2 year who does not understand that pushing hurts!

OP posts:

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Booboostoo · 09/09/2013 19:33

wait his turn not take his turn

OP posts:

MrsMinkBernardLundy · 09/09/2013 19:33

Yanbu

wonderingsoul · 09/09/2013 19:34

your dh is being a bit werid . though i could maybe see it as he doesnt want her to be picked on.. but that doesnt mean she has to be a bully. she's 2.. th emost important time to be learning how to treat others.

HappyJustToBe · 09/09/2013 19:36

YANBU. There is a difference between assertive and aggressive. Sounds like you and the other Mum handled it well.

MrsMinkBernardLundy · 09/09/2013 19:36

She will understand more when she is older but if for example she pushes at nursery or at school she is the one who will get into trouble not the smaller hold who did mother know to wait.

Why would dp want to encourage your dd to behave in a way that will cause her grief...and i do hope he doesn't push to assert himself

MrsMinkBernardLundy · 09/09/2013 19:37

Smaller child who did not know to wait even.

Booboostoo · 09/09/2013 19:39

No DP has never used physical force to assert himself (and I have known him for the past 28 years) but he has a big personality and doesn't back down from conflicts (verbal), whereas I hate conflict, so I suppose he is worried DD will be like me?

OP posts:

mysteryfairy · 09/09/2013 19:41

I can't believe she got to go on the ride first after she had pushed a smaller child. Your DP would love me as if one of my DC had done that the littler child would have been the one on the ride.

Booboostoo · 09/09/2013 19:44

I did offer the other mum for her child to go on first but she refused so I didn't think that much would be gained by just taking DD away altogether.

OP posts:

BrokenSunglasses · 09/09/2013 19:53

YANBU.

Being assertive is great, but there are right and wrong ways of being assertive. You are trying to teach your dd the right way to be assertive, your DP is being a bit of a twat.

bundaberg · 09/09/2013 19:57

yanbu

i bet your dp would be thinkiing the complete opposite if it was dd who had been pushed over!

Flicktheswitch · 09/09/2013 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hardboiledpossum · 09/09/2013 19:58

Your dh is an idiot. He is basically teaching your dd to be a bully.

WilsonFrickett · 09/09/2013 19:59

Yep, I'd like to see your DP's reaction if dd had been 'assertive' to a 4 yo who then 'assertively' pushed her back. Harder.

IneedAsockamnesty · 09/09/2013 20:00

Your DP is a twat.

He actually wants a child that's going to become one of those that is always in trouble and other parents won't let there kids play with?

Because that's what will happen if you go with his method

Turniptwirl · 09/09/2013 20:39

Sounds like you and the other mum handled it spot on!

I expect she wanted him to learn to wait which is why she refused your offer to let him go first, but I think it was sensible to make it anyway.

Ignore DP. Better to teach your child to be no e than to be a bully! (Not saying she was bullying the other child btw, but if she's encouraged to push etc then she might turn into a bully).

Turniptwirl · 09/09/2013 20:39

Nice not no e

DoJo · 09/09/2013 20:44

Your partner is not only wrong, but setting your daughter up for a world of trouble when she's older. I think it's important that children learn that smaller children don't always understand the rules and that they sometimes will do things that they themselves aren't allowed to do for that reason. They need to learn to be tolerant and allow other children's parents to right any imbalance wherever possible. When this happens with my son I always say 'he's a bit little to understand about waiting his turn, but you were very kind to wait' or similar so that they can understand that kindness is more important than getting your own way (at least at that age - by the time you are an IABU regular it's often the other way round!).

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 09/09/2013 21:35

If I'd seen my DD push a smaller child I would been very angry with her, taken her away from the ride and apologised to the boy/mum. So no, YANBU. I think your DP is getting 'assertive' confused with 'bully'

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