Mumsnet Talk

DH has a work thing he has to go to.

I am at work. I cannot get the night off. I already asked, the other girl, my only cover is off and booked it first. This means I also cannot phone in sick, they know I wanted the night off.

DSIL is babysitting. It is Dnephews birthday, which means it is also very close to his memorial, so DSIL will understandably be feeling tender.

DD1 does not want to go to DSIL. She definitely does not want to sleep over. She wants to call a taxi to bring her home at midnight when I finish work. She will use her own pocket money. She said dd2 and Dneice bullied and excluded her last time she was there.

When dd1 does not want to do something and is made to do it anyway, she makes the whole experience hell for all involved either by tantrums or developing weird and worrying illnesses that need immediate parental attention, while she is useless at lying, in my eyes, she is excellent at turning on the water works which makes her 'illness' convincing to people who don't know her that well i.e DSIL.

HELP?

How old is DD1? Any chance she could sleepover with a school friend instead?

... or is it tonight? Good luck.

How old is DD1? Is there anywhere else she can go (sleepover at friends, other family members)?

ask for emergency unpaid leave from work??

can DH offer any suggestions

It is tonight. She came out of school and announced she would not be going. I only found out about it last night, so dd1 only found out this morning.

She is 9, so old enough to know better really, but in her defense she thought I was off this weekend (she got mixed up with next weekend) and had been looking forward to a girly night in with me, she doesn't see me as much as she would like to because I work evenings and weekends.

She doesn't like leaving me, she hates me working and she is very shy with people she doesn't know well. We don't see SIL often.

Do you have another babysitter you could use. It may be worth the cost for the pease of mind.
Hope it works out ok.

Can you explain to her that the kindest thing to do in this situation is to cooperate and be lovely to her auntie.

We all have to learn to do things that don't suit us, she will have to find a way to do this graciously at some point, ask her when she plans to do so.

Is there any reason DD1 can't be told that sometimes you just have to put up with stuff and, whilst under normal circumstances you wouldn't make her do this, there is no other way on this occasion?

Promise to make it up to her.

Check out emergency childcare services - you could hire a babysitter?

She needs to learn that sometimes you just have to suck things up and get on with it. We all have to do things we hate. Tell her to tell her aunt if there's any issues, you're really sorry but there's no alternative. Make an IOU evening for you and her when you're free.

Could your DSIL not babysit at your house? That way your DD may feel more comfortable about the situation.

Well yes, at 9 our kid knew some stuff was negotiable and some stuff has just got to be sucked up

She has got to suck it up, your jobs = family income, so what if she kicks off/waterworks etc. Tough. Take her nintendo, or ipad or whatever gadget. Tell SIL to ignore any complaints of illness or whatever.

I think that DD1 is going to have to learn the tough lesson that sometimes shit happens & you have to do things you don't like.

I would warn SIL of the illness & tears, however.

No other babysitters are available. One of my sisters has just had a baby, the other has four kids of her own and her DP is working nights so wouldn't cope and my mum is at work at 6am in the morning.

I will talk to her, of course and pray it sinks in...

I've already promised a girly night in at the earliest possible night and to have her friend over for tea before they break up for easter.

She's 9, she should be old enough to understand that sometimes we have to do things we don't like. Send her.

How come your dh HAS to go to a works thing at such short notice?

Maybe dh should be sorting out something as it is him that has scuppered plans?

What time does DH's thing finish? Can he leave a bit early and pick the kids up?

It's just me and ds here, D0onin. I'm trying not to be mean but you can't pander to your children or it will get you nowhere. I know it's not ideal, but she needs to appreciate that you are doing your best and a little help from her will make your life far less stressful. She is going to have to get on with it. {hugs}

He doesn't have to go at short notice, he's had loads of notice, he's just utterly crap at letting me and the DC know the arrangements. He has known about this for weeks

Why does it have to be the dd that has to have her plans change and suck it up?

She has no control over the situation. I'm damn sure I'd be obstreperous and angry if I was in her place.

In that case, he can't go.

I don't pander to her Lady, it is not DD1 I am concerned about. DSIL is hardly going to beat her with sticks whilst making her do all the do all the chores or sleep in the coal shed and if dd2 does bully her she is old enough to go and tell an adult. Any other day and I'd tell tough but it's happening.

It's DSIL I am worried about. I don't want DD1 making this day any worse than it has to be for her.

I know it is hard but you must try not to show your daughter that you are feeling too guilty as she sounds a bit manipulative and may think she can get you to change your mind.
Perhaps you could give her a reminder about why you have to work. Maybe you could even show her some bank statements and bills. You could also tell her how much you would have to pay a babysitter if you can't use you DSIL.
Ie. you need to GUILT her before she GUILTS you.......

I would be telling her that she is going because at times we all have to do things we don't want to. I would, also, make it crystal clear that if she does kick off, or feign illness there will be no girly night, and her friend won't be coming for tea.

You're the adult, not her. She can't hold you to ransom like that.