AIBU about exP who seems to think we are still together?

(47 Posts)
BlackMini Sun 10-Mar-13 12:51:05

I'm really at my wits end with all of this. Me and exP still live together, we broke up just after Christmas but are both trapped into a 6 month contract renting that we stupidly signed in November. Neither can afford the rent here if the other person leaves.

He very quickly moved onto someone else. I found texts talking about passionate encounters and made it clear that this was a dealbreaker for me. Previously we had been in discussions about whether or not we could make it work if we both tried.

Since I have not been interested and moved into the spare room, he's become ridiculously clingly. Like a small child constantly wanting attention. If I am working in the same room as him on my computer at the table, he is constantly calling me asking "did you see that, this is so funny" etc.

I have a really important interview tomorrow for my dream job and a chance at a good career with prospects. It is in a city he has previously lived in. I had arranged to meet up with a colleague toninght who lives in the city for dinner, a lovely young guy. ExP has invited himself along as a "well if you're going that way I might as well get a lift". He has taken it upon himself to book me a hotel (that I was going to book anyway but was at work yesterday) in his name, which means I can't go without his credit card to check in.

I am stressed about this interview. I just wanted to get to my hotel early today and sit and do my preparation, I also have to leave straight after to head to a conference up country for work which is adding to the stress of packing etc. I made it clear I was leaving at 12 today and he decided to go out with friends an hour away anyway. He still isn't back.

His parents are driving down country as we are driving up and now he wants to meet with them and we must meet with them wherever in the country that may be. He says if it means waiting at home for hours for them to drive past, then so be it. He has never cared about birthdays, christmas or mothers day before. But now apparently he must see his mother today. I havn't seen my mother as she lives hours away, so I don't see why it is so important.

He is using my fear of snow and driving in this city to his advantage and I am fucking fed up of him. AIBU?

Jux Tue 19-Mar-13 08:18:52

Well done! Hope you get the job. Hope the twunt gets lost!

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Thu 14-Mar-13 22:52:45

Good for you!!!!

Good luck, and I appologise for doubting you upthread. blush

BlackMini Thu 14-Mar-13 22:46:43

Hi clouds,

He didn't come with me. I paid the hotel myself as no money had to be paid until check in.

I drove as it was in my company car and I continued on to conference. Sorry if t wasnt clear.

Should hear back within 2 weeks. Fingers crossed.

CloudsAndTrees Thu 14-Mar-13 16:30:05

You are using him as much as he is using you!

Why did you agree to use his hotel room? You could have booked your own. Why did you choose to allow him to come with you? You have a voice, you could have said no.

You say that he is using your fear of driving in the snow, but you are using his willingness to drive you in the snow so that you don't have to either do it yourself or use public transport. What will you do when you have him out of your life? Whatever it is, that's what you could, and should, have done this time.

No one can manipulate you if you done let them. They can try, but you don't have to allow it.

Sugarice Thu 14-Mar-13 16:19:33

Hope your interview went well and a bloody great 'well done' for not letting him dictate to you!

Good luck and don't put up with any arsiness from him.

StuntGirl Thu 14-Mar-13 16:16:39

I too hope the interview went well. How long until you can move out? I would be planning strategies now. Bit like a game of chess, just be aware in advance of what else he might do to manipulate/sabaotage you and plan accordingly. You'll be well shot of this idiot soon smile

GreenEggsAndNichts Thu 14-Mar-13 14:05:10

That is shocking. I've just seen this now. So did you book your own room in the end? From what little you've said, it sounded as if he was trying to sabotage you. What an idiot.

Hope the interview results are positive!

BlackMini Thu 14-Mar-13 14:00:01

I'm sorry to have disappeared! I had my interview and then had to drive up country to the most intense conference I have ever been on. I had an hour in 3 days of free time and it was spent havig a well deserved bath.

I had one hell of an argument with him before I left. But of course I was the unreasonable one to now ruin his chances of seeing his mother. I told him what I think of his parents (not complimentary) and how much of an arse he is.

Got back from my conference today so I'm not looking forward to this evening. I need the results from my interview to plan the next stage of my life and where to live. It wont be with him though, that's for sure. I can't believe how manipulative he is being.

YesIamYourSisterInLaw Tue 12-Mar-13 22:57:05

Op come back and update please I hate it when people don't update

SugarPasteGreyhound Tue 12-Mar-13 18:35:58

In? On!!

SugarPasteGreyhound Tue 12-Mar-13 18:35:43

How did you get in OP?

StuffezLaBouche Sun 10-Mar-13 16:09:49

Another one crossing fingers that she's shoved her stuff In a bag and checked herself into a travelodge.
Nasty controlling tosser.

AnyFucker Sun 10-Mar-13 16:06:42

Benefit of the doubt here

OP has buggered off on her own, hopefully and will resist any further attempts to control her

I hope she comes back an tells us this smile

Snoopingforsoup Sun 10-Mar-13 16:02:14

I have just read this too.
I hope you have gone on your own and are preparing for your interview. He sounds a nightmare.
Good luck for the job. Just don't let him move to this new city with you.

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Sun 10-Mar-13 15:56:59

Is that it? One post and off you naff?

So annoying.

I can only presume the OP didnt want to come back and explain that she was still waiting for controlling ex.

I hope its because she got straight on a train herself and went. But I doubt it.

I'm really not clear on why you are letting him call the shots here.

"ExP has invited himself along as a "well if you're going that way I might as well get a lift"."
You don't have to give him a lift. A lift is a favour, do you consider that you owe him that favour?

"He has taken it upon himself to book me a hotel (that I was going to book anyway but was at work yesterday) in his name, which means I can't go without his credit card to check in."
You don't have to use that booking. Book separately. Tell him to cancel his booking if you're feeling nice, otherwise he can lose the money.

"I made it clear I was leaving at 12 today and he decided to go out with friends an hour away anyway. He still isn't back." (posted at 12:51)
You should have left 51 minutes ago. Just go. Now. Now. Now. Stick to your plan.

"His parents are driving down country as we are driving up and now he wants to meet with them and we must meet with them wherever in the country that may be. He says if it means waiting at home for hours for them to drive past, then so be it."
No. Just no. You have absolutely no need to do this, and I just cannot understand why you didn't laugh in his face when he said it and told him to fuck right off confused.

"He has never cared about birthdays, christmas or mothers day before. But now apparently he must see his mother today. I havn't seen my mother as she lives hours away, so I don't see why it is so important."
It isn't important. It has nothing to do with seeing his mother and everything to do with pissing you off and sabotaging your interview, stressing you to the max so that it doesn't go well.

"He is using my fear of snow and driving in this city to his advantage and I am fucking fed up of him. AIBU?"
Yes he is, and so you should be. YANBU. Just how afraid of snow are you? Take it slow and steady and it will be fine. And recognize just what depths this arse is willing to plumb in order to control you.

ihearsounds Sun 10-Mar-13 14:20:52

Sounds like your both clinging to each other. No wonder he is, you are still involving him in your life 3 months later.

bedhaven Sun 10-Mar-13 14:11:57

Hope you have already left having booked your own hotel, giving yourself time to drive at your pace, relax and enjoy meeting your friend tonight before a successful interview tomorrow. Good luck (and good riddance)!

SoftKittyWarmKitty Sun 10-Mar-13 14:10:35

I hope the lack of response means the OP is on her way to the hotel she has booked, by herself, without her twunt of an ex. If not, he'll sabotage her meal out and tomorrow's job interview, and therefore her future.

OP, I'm sure you'll be able to move out - go to the CAB and see what they say. Landlords must have to deal with this quite a lot. There must be a way out. If not, make sure you give formal written notice that you'll be moving out at the end of the tenancy (which I assume is in May, given that you signed in November?). Do not rely on your ex to do it, make sure you send a letter to the LL, even if your ex also says he will. Do not trust him. If your ex then chooses to stay on, that's his decision. Make sure your name is off all the bills etc by the time you leave or you'll be financially liable or them.

Good luck for your interview.

Custardmiteofglut Sun 10-Mar-13 14:08:10

Leave without him, book another hotel and if he contacts you either ignore him or tell him to bog off.

If this is your dream job give yourself a sporting chance to actually get it. Don't spoil your chances before you start by hanging about and pandering to the whims of a man you've already decided you don't want to be with.

In the future when you look back at 2013 do you want it to be that great year you got that brilliant job or the year you split up with that loser who scuppered your chances to get that great job?

Go for it.

MrsTomHardy Sun 10-Mar-13 14:06:09

If you are seperated then just get on with your own life.....don't let him ruin things for you.

Posted too early, also meant to say don't screw up the interview which is about your future for his sake. He is your past.

Just read this. Hope you have left already and are ignoring any texts or calls from him. Don't let him control you.

SugarPasteGreyhound Sun 10-Mar-13 14:02:56

Treat him like this us a house share; would you tell the person renting the other bedroom what you were doing? No.

This is a good opportunity for you to reinforce boundaries. Try and keep out of the house if you can and make it clear your plans are your own. So if he asks for a lift, then politely explain that its not convenient for you and do not engage with him any further.

Let us know how you get on!

Sugarice Sun 10-Mar-13 13:57:08

I second everyone else and hope you're on your way without this dickhead dictating what is happening!

Good luck with your interview and enjoy the meal with your mate, book different accomodation.

Ignore the Ex if he starts texting and don't tell him where you're staying.

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