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AIBU about exP who seems to think we are still together?

(47 Posts)
BlackMini Sun 10-Mar-13 12:51:05

I'm really at my wits end with all of this. Me and exP still live together, we broke up just after Christmas but are both trapped into a 6 month contract renting that we stupidly signed in November. Neither can afford the rent here if the other person leaves.

He very quickly moved onto someone else. I found texts talking about passionate encounters and made it clear that this was a dealbreaker for me. Previously we had been in discussions about whether or not we could make it work if we both tried.

Since I have not been interested and moved into the spare room, he's become ridiculously clingly. Like a small child constantly wanting attention. If I am working in the same room as him on my computer at the table, he is constantly calling me asking "did you see that, this is so funny" etc.

I have a really important interview tomorrow for my dream job and a chance at a good career with prospects. It is in a city he has previously lived in. I had arranged to meet up with a colleague toninght who lives in the city for dinner, a lovely young guy. ExP has invited himself along as a "well if you're going that way I might as well get a lift". He has taken it upon himself to book me a hotel (that I was going to book anyway but was at work yesterday) in his name, which means I can't go without his credit card to check in.

I am stressed about this interview. I just wanted to get to my hotel early today and sit and do my preparation, I also have to leave straight after to head to a conference up country for work which is adding to the stress of packing etc. I made it clear I was leaving at 12 today and he decided to go out with friends an hour away anyway. He still isn't back.

His parents are driving down country as we are driving up and now he wants to meet with them and we must meet with them wherever in the country that may be. He says if it means waiting at home for hours for them to drive past, then so be it. He has never cared about birthdays, christmas or mothers day before. But now apparently he must see his mother today. I havn't seen my mother as she lives hours away, so I don't see why it is so important.

He is using my fear of snow and driving in this city to his advantage and I am fucking fed up of him. AIBU?

NewAtThisMalarky Sun 10-Mar-13 12:54:54

Make your own plans. Book a hotel room, and find another way of getting there- public transport?

So not allow him to try and make himself indispensable like this.

CocacolaMum Sun 10-Mar-13 12:55:24

Go without him, book yourself into a Travelodge or whatever. You need to have a discussion about boundaries I think. Good luck x

trixymalixy Sun 10-Mar-13 12:57:03

Go without him. Book a room on your own.

tattychicken Sun 10-Mar-13 12:57:04

Why are you waiting for him? Just go. Book your own hotel, meet up with your mate. None of it has got anything to do with him. YABU to be hanging around while he is pulling your strings.

RandomMess Sun 10-Mar-13 12:57:41

Why are you letting him sabotage your job interview?

Just get in the car and go without him

Kat101 Sun 10-Mar-13 12:59:11

I imagine he would like the best of both worlds, you at home and a bit of fun on the side. Is it too late to make your own arrangements today? You need to keep him well out of any plans you have. He can't just opt in to your relationship when he sees you striking out on your own and sees his security blanket slipping away.

In other words, he's trying to play you like a good 'un.

LessMissAbs Sun 10-Mar-13 13:02:05

Agee with the advice above. That sounds really annoying. Who does he think he is? Simon Cowell, keeping in with his ex-girlfriends?

Seabright Sun 10-Mar-13 13:03:24

Go alone. I find driving in cities isn't as bad as I think it'll be in advance - there is more traffic & traffic lights etc, so traffic moves slowly & you can see ahead where you need to go and have time to get in the right lane etc.

He's being an arse, wanting his cake and eating it. Tough luck! He's made his choice!

Good luck! I am sure the interview will be excellent.

teatrolley Sun 10-Mar-13 13:05:33

Go without him. He can only do this if you go along with it.

Megatron Sun 10-Mar-13 13:09:21

Go without him. Now.

He is controlling you and a situation that actually is no business of his. Please don't let him ruin your future plans.

TroublesomeEx Sun 10-Mar-13 13:10:08

Go without him!

He can only do all this because you are letting him.

And I'm not sure why you would. confused

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sun 10-Mar-13 13:20:51

Yeah, go without him, he does it because you wont stop him, tell him straight.

ratspeaker Sun 10-Mar-13 13:32:14

Is there any sign of him coming back to drive?
Do his parents know you have split up?

Get yourself online and look up train and bus times
Look up Premier Inns/Travelodge etc

Then just go

ratspeaker Sun 10-Mar-13 13:32:33

Oh good luck with the interview

SkinnybitchWannabe Sun 10-Mar-13 13:38:17

Go wothout him, and don't tell him any of your business in the future.
Good luck with the interview

Trills Sun 10-Mar-13 13:40:39

You made it clear you were leaving at 12.

So leave.

Get yourself a hotel.

Was he expecting to stay with you in the hotel that he booked?

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Sun 10-Mar-13 13:44:52

Leave now. Go to the city, go to a hotel and book a room.

You're doing exactly what hes planned, waiting around for him.

Fuck that. Go, now. Sodd him, sodd his parents all of them are nothing to do with you. Get a back bone and leave (I mean that nicely, encouragingly not nasty).

Good luck with the interview.

SugarPasteGreyhound Sun 10-Mar-13 13:46:24

Get a travelodge and go without him. He can't kick off about it, weityhout looking daft because you aren't together anymore. Which means that you aren't obliged to fall in with his plans or see his parents.

If your tenancy is due to end in may, can you afford to pay up the rent for April and whatever days in may and disappear early? Living with someone after you've split is awful - been there <shudders at memory>

Jux Sun 10-Mar-13 13:48:20

He's sabotaging you. Leave without him, go to a different hotel if you can, and leave him out of all your plans.

Your acquiescence to him means you are still involved too. Detach and ignore. Do your stuff and if he factors himself in, just ignore it and go ahead anyway. Treat all this as if it hadn't happened. None of it is your problem.

FGS, don't wait for him. Don't use the room he's booked. Call your friend and arrange to meet somewhere else.

BeckAndCall Sun 10-Mar-13 13:48:21

FGS get in with it! Book a different hotel with your own credit card, phone your idea and change your meeting up venue and just GO!

Sugarice Sun 10-Mar-13 13:57:08

I second everyone else and hope you're on your way without this dickhead dictating what is happening!

Good luck with your interview and enjoy the meal with your mate, book different accomodation.

Ignore the Ex if he starts texting and don't tell him where you're staying.

SugarPasteGreyhound Sun 10-Mar-13 14:02:56

Treat him like this us a house share; would you tell the person renting the other bedroom what you were doing? No.

This is a good opportunity for you to reinforce boundaries. Try and keep out of the house if you can and make it clear your plans are your own. So if he asks for a lift, then politely explain that its not convenient for you and do not engage with him any further.

Let us know how you get on!

Just read this. Hope you have left already and are ignoring any texts or calls from him. Don't let him control you.

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